Where God is Taking Me

Late-Night Thoughts

2011-07-29T23:10:00.003-05:00

I have abandoned Blogger for much of this year, for my thoughts and even some experiences have been too personal to share--things of which I prefer to restrict to the Lord and me on the pages of my journal or, at most, share with my sister. It is true that "great indeed is the mystery of godliness." Ten years ago, when I first knew and believed the gospel, I could not have conceived that the Lord would teach me and change me as He has. I am sure that ten years from now, if I live to that time, I will be able to look back on right now and think, "I knew so little." No matter how much I learn or grow, I always have so much further to go! For God is from everlasting to everlasting (Ps. 90:2), and His ways past finding out. As a friend of mine would say, the finite in the face of the Infinite--or perhaps more accurately, engulfed by the Infinite.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?' 'Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?' For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. (Romans 11:33-36)

A song's chorus I listened to earlier today captures well at least one ongoing experience of this year:

"Lord, I don't know where all this is going,

or how it all works out.

Lead me to peace that is past understanding,

a peace beyond all doubt."

He knows the end from the beginning. He sees how it all works out. I read a poem a few minutes ago, reminding me that God never leaves us, His children, as orphans, and Psalm 16 came to mind. It says, "For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption" (v. 10; prophetic of Jesus). Just as God did not abandon His own Son, He will not abandon us, His adopted sons and daughters, either. "All who are led by the spirit of God are sons of God.... His Spirit bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him... He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him graciously give us all things?" (vv. from Romans 8). We are sure in Jesus Christ because of Jesus Christ. In His hands is right where I want to be and right where I am. (So who needs to know the future or long for something different?) Anyway, Psalm 16 has ministered to me often in the past year and a half. It's been on my mind lately. You should read it.

All I Can Say, Part 2

2011-04-12T23:10:00.003-05:00

Monday morning was horrible. All I could think of to say on my way to school were complaints, which my sister Rachel kindly helped me realize. The Lord started dealing with me more directly about humbling myself. Once at school I went into the bathroom and listened to the Gettys while I was in there. How they ministered to me! Slowly my heart began to soften.

I was working on my paper when a good friend of mine came to talk. Having practiced saying "no" the night before with Rachel (we really did practice) and confident that he would come over (that being the norm on Mondays), I was prepared to chat for a few minutes and return to my paper because I was on a mission. I didn't say "no" like I had practiced, however, because another much-needed conversation arose. The new knowledge that sprung from it and the civility in it gave me a sense of freedom and feeling of relief after I processed what was said. The day's frown was beginning to morph into a smile. I spent the afternoon with my friend Jin in the library, and it was wonderful.

Monday night I was back to falling apart. Something was nagging me from my earlier conversation, the distraction returned, and stress about my deadlines was mounting. I had felt like crying but couldn't. I tried to pray in the shower but couldn't. I didn't have much to sing either. Something was blocking me. I turned on some music since music usually helps me release when tears won't come. The songs ministered to me and did bring tears. I felt led to read Jeremiah 15, a chapter that has helped me greatly in the past. I saw myself in Jeremiah's words, "Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?" (v. 18).

"Therefore thus says the LORD: 'If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them. And I will make you to this people a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you, but they shall not prevail over you, for I am with you to save you and deliver you, declares the LORD." (vv. 19-20)

The dam broke and tears flowed from my eyes. I prayed with ease then and confessed my sin to the Lord. How arrogant of me to turn to myself and then blame the Lord for my pain and accuse Him of being faithless! The truth is, He was right there with me all along. He says, "If you return, Kristi, I will restore you." What does that restoration look like? I get to stand before Him! He is "unutterably merciful" (Elliot 13). For the first time in a week I felt peace. God had stilled the raging storm in me. I need him every hour. Part of my guilt stemmed from neglecting His precious Word. I must eat His Word! or my spirit will suffer. I must drink His Word! or I will dry up.

"Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O LORD, God of hosts" (Jeremiah 15:16).

Though my external circumstances did not change, I was refreshed and revitalized. Elisabeth writes, "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances" (20). I slept instead of finishing my paper, deciding instead to skip my Greek class to finish it. Today I awoke rested and at peace. I did not finish my paper in time (due partly to a technical difficulty), but I discovered at the end of class that my professor doesn't care if we turn it in on Thursday. Whew! Thanks be to God. He knew the whole time the paper wasn't truly due until Thursday, and He knew that I would have time to finish it. He's in perfect peace all the time, being the Author of it, and He is in control.

I say all this because of the chapel message I listened to tonight from earlier today. Dr. Chitwood encouraged us to teach others God's use of storms. The Lord has been refining me as gold through fire this past week and a half. He has leveled my pride in multiple ways and become my refuge. "Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed are those who take refuge in him!" (Psalm 34:8). God promised me He would not let me go all-intellectual, and He heard my prayer for humility. It's true: The storms of life we go through make us like Christ. Now the quietness has returned, and life is simplified. I know of people who going through much more difficult circumstances than I, but what God did in my heart was monumental. My paltry words do not suffice. I wish I could express the high when He delivers me, but this is all I can say.

All I Can Say, Part 1

2011-04-12T21:23:00.004-05:00

I have so much to say but no words. Not adequate ones anyway. This will be my poor attempt to relate the past week and a half that culminated the past two days--more accurately, how God has dealt with me and what He has done. I will go into detail during exposition to help you better feel the matchless joy and gratitude I felt in the resolution.

Last week was Spring Reading Days at Southern Seminary. I had planned a quiet, restful, yet productive week when I would write my Church History paper and watch The Lord of the Rings along with regular homework and ministry responsibilities. "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps" (Proverbs 16:9). The Lord instead had something much better in mind than what I had for myself. Monday my "spring break" exploded as I realized that I had bitten off more than I could chew. Several things happened unexpectedly or earlier than I predicted to which I chose to freak out and bear down. Trying to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps never pleases the Lord, and it just doesn't work. As usual, I set the bar too high for myself when I shouldn't be setting the bar at all. I should simply trust and obey. This requires faith, not fear. As the week continued, the sin of turning to myself and not the Lord spiraled into more stress and more sin. Though I recognized God's hand moving (a few cancelled meetings that freed up time for schoolwork), I hadn't surrendered.

Elisabeth Elliot sums up my experience actually in these lines from Keep a Quiet Heart, a compilation of newsletter articles she had written over the years:

"A willing acceptance of all that God assigns and a glad surrender of all that I am and have constitute the key to receiving the gift of a quiet heart. Whenever I have balked, the quietness goes. It is restored, and life immeasurably simplified, when I have trusted and obeyed." (13)

So far, you see an example of when I have balked. Anxiety caused me to tremble within unceasingly. Progress on my paper was slow, though I had crossed LOTR, two meetings, Bible study, the story group meeting, etc., off my calendar. I was distracted in my thoughts thanks to "personal life" and worn from late nights. No quietness dwelt in my soul.

Then Sunday came. A much-needed conversation with my sister brought me conviction, helpful instruction, and new resolve. I felt rotten but thanked her because I knew it was God's goodness to me. The conversation also provided me with an opportunity for incredible distraction during my paper. I sat in my hot room staring at the computer screen, fingers posed on the keys, but no movement effused. I couldn't discipline myself to think about my research topic or even move. I just sat frozen with jumbled, idle thoughts. Meanwhile, how was I going to finish my assignments for Tuesday?

1 Cor. 4 Revisited: SBTS Chapel

2011-02-10T10:46:00.004-06:00

Before I begin the actual point of this post, let me announce that my dear church family in St. Peters has their website up and running again! It's pretty sweet, and I am very excited to listen to the sermons from week-to-week!

Anyway, I've been sick and decided not to attend chapel today. Knowing that C.J. Mahaney would be speaking, I had to pseudo-attend via Southern's website. As soon as I began watching, I wished I was there. Southern really is like a family, and you feel it most when you're in chapel. (It's not all academia in the clouds, like some outsiders may think.)

After singing "All I Have Is Christ" and Dr. Mohler's introducing him, C.J. approached the podium to speak. Not long into his sermon, he asked us to turn in our Bibles to 1 Cor. 4. I cried. As you may have noticed, I posted about 1 Cor. 4 Tuesday night and posted a status on Facebook of v. 7. I am humbled by and thankful for how the Lord uses Scripture and obedient men to touch me in a transformative way.

You must watch the video and listen to his message. Then continue reading.

Before entering seminary, I feared that my struggle of going all-intellectual would return to the fore. I did not want to sink back into such a proud, hypocritical pit from which the Lord so graciously and patiently pulled me. Hearing the Word preached this morning--I'm crying even now--I feel His hand hold me (Ps. 139 comes to mind), as if He's saying, "Kristi, I've got you. You're where I want you. I won't let your feet slip. I'll protect you from your sinful tendency." He's humbled me yet again. The Lord is so good, and he assures with gentleness. What rest is there in Christ's assurance! I didn't grasp this Tuesday night. The Lord knew I needed to encounter 1 Cor. 4 again, especially v. 7. Thank you, C.J., for being an obedient servant of Christ and helpful brother to me and everyone at SBTS in delivering this Word. I am confident the Lord Jesus will continually warn and remind me that I hava nothing that I did not receive from Him.

1 Corinthians 4

2011-02-08T22:26:00.004-06:00

I read this chapter earlier this evening and was struck by a few things. Before I share the specifics, however, let me first explain the broad strokes of the chapter. The church at Corinth was divided over which leader one esteemed over the other. In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul addresses many weaknesses and questions in the church, including this division. His address on the problem actually begins in Ch. 3 and continues into Ch. 4. Paul writes at the opening of 4 how to regard the apostles--as "servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God" (v. 1). Such a regard is a far cry from setting them up on a pedestal. He goes on to warn about judging, in the sense of judging trustworthiness, for example (see v. 2), and even further lowers the bar by saying the apostles are the least of all the saints:

For I think that God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death, because we have become a spectacle to the world, to angels, and to men. We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are wise in Christ. We are weak, but you are strong. You are held in honor, but we in disrepute. To the present hour we hunger and thirst, we are poorly dressed and buffeted and homeless, and we labor, working with our own hands. When reviled, we bless; when persecuted, we endure; when slandered, we entreat. We have become, and are still, like the scum of the world, the refuse of all things. (vv. 9-13)

Paul says, in effect, "As low as you can go, we're there." In considering this (and sort of as an aside), I'm not surprised that people would regard Paul, Apollos, and the rest as fools. They are homeless, hungry, reviled, etc., for what? For the sake of the gospel! They are stewards of it. God has entrusted it to them. To unbelievers, who see the gospel as ridiculous, the bearers of the gospel will certainly look ridiculous as well. Why go hungry for a crazy story? Paul says they are servants of Christ. They are slaves. How often do we put great leaders and passionate preachers on a pedestal, favoring one over another? Paul says also in the chapter that he and Apollos work together and follow their own teaching in order to set an example for the Corinthians, to prevent the Corinthians from doing beyond what is written, in becoming arrogant in judgments. [Aside ended]

Notice Paul's language at the beginning of these verses. He says in v. 9, "For I think God has exhibited us apostles as last of all, like men sentenced to death...." He says something similar but meant more literally in 2 Cor. 1:9 when he writes of his suffering in Asia: "Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead." Those whom God intends to use mightily he calls to much sacrifice and suffering. It is for their good in that they are forced to rely on God and cultivate humility, and, of course, God receives increasing glory through them.

Without such good in mind, it is easy to read Paul's account of their suffering in 1 Cor. 4 and feel sorry for them, but Paul explicitly explains that he intends to use their weaknesses to admonish the Corinthians. He is boasting in his weakness. He is saying, "We experience all these things--hunger, homelessness, mockery, etc.--to make Christ look great! So don't boast about us in what great leaders we are, but do as we do, and magnify the Lord by boasting in your weakness. Be humble, and recognize that we are only servants." So he sends them Timothy. Paul is their spiritual father, and he sends his child Timothy, their brother, to stand in Paul's stead as a model for them, that they would not forget these things. We see in this chapter that Paul is ready and willing to do all he can, in accordance with God's will, to serve these people. He loves them. At a cost, he wants to see them united and knowing the joy he knows as Christ slave, and he wants them to magnify Christ with him.

At 264 and Bardstown Road

2011-01-29T17:08:00.002-06:00

This winter has been exceptionally cold and wet in Louisville. I've lived here for almost a month, and snow has covered the grass nearly every day. (Today, however, the sun was out, the ground was clear, and the temperature was nice.) I live in an old, drafty apartment--though I like it--that presents a particular challenge in my bedroom. The cold air floats right in through the window and base of the balcony door. I sleep with my bedroom door closed, so when the temp drops to seven degrees at night, my room becomes a seven-degree freezer, for the heater is insufficient, perhaps even ineffective, against the gentle breeze.

I will spare you the details of attempts to remedy the problem and the sleep loss so as to not deter you from the main point of this post. I will tell you that I began to get sick, and my good attitude plummeted. My sister bought me two small space heaters on sale from Target, and now I can sleep as snug as a bug in a rug.

So what's the point? Well, one cold, overcast day while stopped at a light for Bardstown Road, Rachel and I witnessed a homeless man hanging out under the overpass. He doesn't have a space heater. He doesn't even have a cold, dry room or a soft place to lay his head. I wondered how a man like him could survive the winter.

Suddenly waking up in the early morning hours with body tense and frigid air drifting past my ear wasn't so bad. I knew I had to endure only for a little while. This guy has the whole winter. It must be difficult to persevere, especially if he is not a believer in Jesus Christ.

Rachel has the idea and intention of creating kits of food and supplies to hand out to homeless people when she sees them. She can store them behind her seat in order to always have one ready to give. I think that's stellar.

Since we passed that homeless man, he comes to mind from time. I wonder how he's doing, what his happened in his life, and whether he loves or is loved by anyone.

Thoughts on Deuteronomy 15

2011-01-23T13:29:00.003-06:00

Recently on Facebook, I posted as my status something about Deuteronomy 15 and said that I would probably blog about it. I've decided to post my journal entry from that chapter. Here it is:

Deuteronomy 15

This chapter is rich--far better than a smooth cup of coffee. :) These laws focus on love for one's neighbor through providing for his needs and love for God through sacrificing firstborn animals to Him and obeying His commands.

In the first paragraph (vv. 1-6), Moses explains the law of the sabbatical year and its appending promise. Every seventh year an Israelite was to forgive his brother's debt, no matter the amount. (His brother was any other Israelite.) If Israel obeyed God's commands, God's promise was that there would be no poor among her.

God shows great wisdom and kindness in this law and in blessing Israel with physical prosperity. He certainly knows economics better than we do, and He had a plan for helping the poor and, through that, the nation as a whole.

On the flip side of blessed obedience (and showing love for God) is cursed disobedience (expressing hatred to God). Chapter 28, verses 40-44 explains the consequences for not obeying God's laws: Israel herself would sink into poverty and would be overcome by a distant nation. She would no longer lend to others but would be ruled by others. Verses 11-12 suggest that Israel would eventually disobey and that the poor would always be with them. Ch. 28 confirms this. Jesus refers to this in Matthew 26:11, after the disciples complain that Mary has wasted her oil by pouring it on Jesus' head. His allusion to Deut. 15:11 seems like a slap in the face to the disciples, for it would probably remind them that Israel's hardened heart brought forth the poor. Verse 11 says, "You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land." Isn't that what God does for us (Ps. 145:15-16; 1 Pet. 1:3-14)? Aren't we supposed to mirror our God in Christ (Eph. 5:1-2; cf. 2 Cor. 6:11-13)? Let us give freely, supplying for physical needs and spiritual needs, as Christ enables. We are not to give grudgingly or be greedy (next paragraph in regards to releasing slaves). We are to be cheerful givers, like our Lord Jesus Christ.

Finally, our dedication to the Lord is to be pure. God commanded Israel to give to Him their firstborn animals without blemish or defect at His place with everyone. We, in the same way, are to offer ourselves as living sacrifices (Rom. 12:1-2). This idea of eating to the Lord is wonderful. It points forward to the church in its corporate worship and fellowship. Zooming out, these laws in Ch. 15 appear as precursors to New Testament instruction--or, more accurately, the New Testament continues the Old Testament's train of thought. We see here that paradoxical "new commandment is an old commandment" of John's and the exact agreement of Jesus and the OT Scriptures.

Finally, so interesting, story group discussed last night not letting the right hand know what the left hand is doing in Matthew 6:1-13. Also, don't give in public with a hypocrite's motive. These laws in Ch. 15 get at the same heart level as Matthew 6 ("Sermon on the Mount," Matt. 5-7). Give freely. We should focus on the Lord, be wrapped up in His manifold excellencies, and forget any desire self-praise or self-sufficiency. That is pure devotion and living sacrifice, and what best pleasures are hidden therein! Let's uncover them like buried treasure!

Rightly Handling the Word of Truth in Preaching?

2010-12-26T22:32:00.006-06:00

Today Rachel and I visited a church in Fredericktown neither one of us had visited before but about which we had heard positive things. Services for Meadow Heights were cancelled, so we ventured out into the frosty air to worship the Lord with new people.

I was disappointed during the service, mostly because I was missing--and still miss--my brothers and sisters from FBC-St. Peters. The other reasons are lack of depth and expositional preaching. The message spoken was true but barely tethered to God's Word by way of Scripture proclamation. I have trouble with preaching like this because it is not false, but it is not couched in Authority, so I don't trust it. I know where I stand, but if someone asks me what I think about what I heard, I'm not sure how to answer them because I don't want to promote a critical spirit. (I struggled with this sort of thing for three years, so I'm gun-shy.)

I think a line about theology from Sjogren and Robison's Cat and Dog Theology applies here: The message is "not incorrect--it is just incomplete" (100). How can the hearers know the richness and many dimensions of the Word if the Word is not preached entirely, and how can the Word be preached entirely if only three non-consecutive verses are cited in a sermon? It seems more profitable and honorable to preach the Word (instead of a topic) and let It dictate the main body, implications, and applications of the sermon instead of limiting the Bible to supporting evidence.

On the flip side, the Holy Spirit works in people's hearts through either form of preaching, and the preacher in this service did proclaim Jesus. Do I have grounds to even be disappointed in the sermon I heard? (I even have trouble calling it a sermon.) I entered that sanctuary thirsty for a preaching of the Word and felt as though I received only a few drops of water. I expected that I would need to use my Bible but actually didn't. Jesus being proclaimed is good (duh), so I can't knock the preacher too hard, right? I'm thinking of the attitude Paul had in Philippians 1:15-18. At the same time, Paul commanded Timothy, pastor of the Church at Ephesus, to preach the Word.

All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths. As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. (2 Timothy 3:16-4:5)

So, what do you think? Are preachers who preach a true message from biblical principles but barely reference the Bible rightly handling the Word of Truth (2 Timothy 2:15)?

Review of 2010: A Look at the Lord's Work, Organized by Location

2010-12-14T16:53:00.000-06:00

Well, I am back in Saint Louis until Christmas. (I've been here since October.) This makes the fifth residance of this year. I like that I have moved so much because I am learning to adapt quicker to new locations and new people—even though in most cases I have known the people already and just haven’t seen them in a while. Each location has its unique contribution to this season of preparation and seeking the will of the Lord.

Saint Louis (Dorm)—I finished my B.A. in Religion by working very hard. After slacking in my schoolwork in the fall and consequently receiving conviction from the Holy Spirit, I essentially completed two Greek courses in one semester along with Hebrew and some other courses. I attended the Together for the Gospel conference in April, which meant I had to complete my finals and most coursework two weeks early. T4G was amazing and one of the highlights of the year. I came to know God as my Comforter better than ever after Rachel left in January for six months to work in South Asia. God taught me in these four months the value and reward of hard work in the responsibilities that He gives me, and I appreciated even more my brothers and sisters of FBC-St. Peters.

Saint Peters—After graduation I moved in with a couple friends who are married and live near FBC. During this time, the Lord taught me how to wait on Him (something He started teaching me a long time ago but came to the fore in a particular situation) and to make good use of the time in non-busyness. One can live idolatrously in busyness, and one can just as easily live idolatrously in idleness. He also reinforced enjoyment of the seemingly mundane and thankfulness of simple pleasures in life. Also during this time, I studied my friends’ marriage and sat in on a couple marriage counseling classes in church.

Fredericktown—Moving in with the ‘rents was supposed to last only a month, but my stay extended to two after my mom was diagnosed with diabetes. For two months I helped cook and clean and aided my mom in transitioning to a diabetic diet. I was able to gain some skill in cooking and enjoyed even more the country and its pace of life. Rachel came home from overseas—my original reason for living in Fredericktown—and stayed for a month before returning to work and school. That was an exciting time for our family but also a hard one. We faced many challenges and a few trials in just a few weeks. I struggled at the end of those weeks, and the Lord reminded me the importance of ingesting the Word of God, my spiritual food. He also reminded me of the depravity of my natural human condition, for I was put to the test many instances and in many ways, and I did not always pass. At the end, however, I had endured by His grace. I certainly got to know my parents better and had some good times with both of them individually.

Louisville—Oh, my goodness! Did I ever have such a full month! I moved to Louisville for a month (in between NANC CDT conference weekends) and stayed with Rachel and her roommate Heather. There I unexpectantly became involved in international ministry/North American missions. The Lord put a few int’l women into my lap, and I love them. He also gave me a great group of friends, some also being brothers and sisters in Christ. I hung out on Southern Seminary’s campus a little bit, sat in on a couple classes, and attended some of the chapel services. I visited a few different churches for future reference and met the challenge of knowing what should be deal-breakers for membership. In this month, the Lord Jesus confirmed that I should move to Louisville in January. He showed me that self-evaluation for the sake of sanctification should not require as much attention as I was giving it. He did this by busying me with ministry that I thought and prayed more for others and realized that God uses ministry to further sanctification and uses sanctification to further ministry. Who would have thought? God allowed me to experience a risk-taking faith by which I did things for which I had no formal training. It was during this time that the Lord turned me back to missions and Bible translation, though I have not committed to them yet.

Saint Louis—After the last weekend of the NANC conference, I moved into my friend Gaby’s apartment. Early on I was discontent and restless, feeling like I had lost my purpose after Kingdom work in Louisville. God provided Scripture and people to help me through it. Now I am settled in and even attached but still anticipating my return to ministry in Louisville. Also I felt spoiled because I had a large shower, a bed, a full-size kitchen, silverware, etc. I was here again able to enjoy the fellowship, love, and teaching of FBC-St. Peters. It rips my heart out even now as I type to think of leaving my dear brothers and sisters. I just spent my last Sunday with them, for which I am very thankful and with whom I shared the Lord’s Supper. Tomorrow will be my last Wednesday evening with them. I would like to one day become a member of this church, but only the Lord knows if that is in store for me. In little or plenty, busyness or non-busyness, company of believers or unbelievers, fellowship of church family or not, I am to be content.

And so God has led me lovingly through highs and lows, and I am confident that I am more like His Son Jesus Christ now than when I first began 2010. It was the most difficult year I have lived but also the most different and maybe the best. It is an encouragement to look back and observe the lessons God has taught me and the trials He’s brought me through because it means He’s working in and through me, pruning me as I abide in Him. To Him be the glory. Now the plan is to move to Louisville in January, where I will let the roots go deep instead of continual transplants. I am open to whatever the Lord has in store, I think, for no matter where I go, He is always with me.

Note: I realize that I have frequently used phrases like “God taught me,” “God showed me,” etc., in this post without seating them in Scripture. All I’ve learned mentioned here does not contradict Scripture, however, so I recognize them as legitimate.

Here to There

2010-09-28T17:52:00.005-05:00

Last August, Meadow Heights Church (my hometown church family) invited Rachel and me to attend the Global Leadership Summit, expenses paid. I considered this a gracious invitation to me given my past struggles with a critical spirit toward them. Anyway, we accepted (duh) and carpooled down to Cape Girardeau.

Bill Hybels spoke in the first session (no surprise; it's a Willow Creek Association conference) and gave a helpful illustration for how leaders can motivate and help their people persevere. It goes something like this: He creates a starting point, then draws a line up at a 45-degree angle to an ending point. The question is, how do we ensure that those we're leading do not give up in the middle of the two endpoints? Answer: Remind them of the "nothing" they came from and the "everything" to which they're heading.

I share this illustration because it can relate to the Christian life as well in illustrating our continual need for the gospel. Colossians 2:6-7 says, "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." How do we become Christians? God shines in our hearts the light of the knowledge of His glory in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 4:6), effectively leading us to faith and repentance. How do we continue as Christians? God shines in our hearts the light of the knowledge of the His glory in the face of Jesus Christ, effectively leading us to faith and repentance.

Even so, we always need the gospel. Consider Philippians 2:12-13: "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." We are able to obey in working out our own salvation because God is working in us. It is His will for us to become like His Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). The gospel captures both endpoints in the illustration and all that is in between; it's all wrapped up in Jesus Christ (Revelation 21:6; 22:13; etc.).

God not only gives us the strength and the will to press on, He's the One who convicts us through His Holy Spirit and teaches us, so that we are continually believing and repenting, believing and repenting--growing and changing--and He so wonderfully keeps us (Jude 1, 24; etc.).

So if you're in the middle somewhere and need help pressing on, or if you're helping others press on, remember where you came from: "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind" (Ephesians 2:1-3).

And what He did in you: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus" (vv. 4-6).

And remember where you're going: "so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (vv. 7-10).

Don't be of those who shrink back. God has no pleasure in them. (See Hebrews 10). There's so much more I could say, so if you want me to elaborate, let me know. This will do for now.

Follow-Up on the Recent Heart Change (Glory to the Lord)

2010-09-14T12:14:00.005-05:00

Almost a couple months ago, I posted about the Lord's humbling me and softening my heart toward my home church. It is time to follow up. I requested prayer before I returned home that I would love my home church. Now my time at home is over, and I sit it the cafeteria at Southern Seminary with good news.

I think I wrote before about how I was thankful for my home church for the first time in a long while. Everyone of Meadow Heights was gracious to me. I was moved when one of our pastors invited my sister and me to join them at the Global Leadership Summit, expenses paid and transportation provided. That same pastor took us to lunch at the nicest restaurant in town. I was able to sit down with our lead pastor as well. I was able to talk to brothers and sisters on Sundays and observe their enthusiasm for the Lord and His mission. I listened to the teachings and heard the gospel--no critical spirit to cover my ears.

When I think back to my attitude, thoughts, and words prior to humility, I am ashamed. I learned firsthand the deceitfulness and blindness of pride. C.J. Mahaney's Humility: True Greatness helped me better understand this heinous sin and to learn ways to cultivate humility and thus guard against my tendency to become proud.

Temptation did come. Opportunity to criticize and think loftily threatened my newly-established care for Meadow Heights. But because the Lord Jesus had worked a change in my heart, I resisted and focused more on MH's strengths (evidences of grace) than on weaknesses (needs of adjustment).

I experience freedom since the Lord's humbling me to pray for MH, to rejoice with their rejoicing, to weep with their weeping, to truly worship with them, and to enjoy their fellowship. I could not do these things before, at least not from pure heart. I've also missed them for the first time in a long while.

I want to take this opportunity now to commend their mission-mindedness and love for their communities (the Parkland). The Lord Jesus is using them to introduce the talking and walking gospel to thousands of people. They truly love those they serve, believers and unbelievers alike, being active in their love for Jesus. The leaders realize the responsibility and feel its weight and are earnestly seeking the Lord's will and desiring His presence. As Pastor Bryan has been referencing lately, Exodus 33:15-17 says,

"And [Moses] said to [the LORD], 'If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?'

"And the LORD said to Moses, 'This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.'"

Thank God that He has humbled again, softened my heart again, and enabled me to love Meadow Heights. I am called elsewhere and cannot participate in the work, but I look forward to hearing about what the Lord does in them and through them.

By Faith on the Grounds of Christ's Righteousness: A Reaction to Piper's T4G 2010 Message

2010-09-02T17:01:00.003-05:00

A few minutes ago I listened to John Piper’s message from the Together for the Gospel 2010 conference for the third time. When I heard it live then later as an mp3 download, my mind kept wandering; I struggled to bring my mind under subjection. Today, however, I truly listened, and the effect was wonderful and much needed.

In “Did Jesus Preach Paul’s Gospel?,” Piper unpacks Luke 18:11-14 and sets it beside Philippians 3:3-9. His overarching point is that justification by faith alone is essential to Christianity; we cannot trust in the work of God in us (e.g., fruit of the Spirit). On the contrary, it is the work of God in us that confirms our justification by faith (cf. Romans 4). If the fruit we bear were the root of our justification before God, then why are they fruit? Would not justification become the fruit and the work of God in us the root of our righteousness? He is saying that our righteousness, our righteous standing, is not our own—it is Jesus Christ’s. God imputes His righteousness to us. If Jesus Christ did not live a perfect (sinless) life and bear the Father’s wrath that we sinners (and we are all sinners) deserve, we are and have nothing. Jesus says,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.” (John 15:5-8)

After listening, I could not stop thinking about the truth of justification by faith alone in Christ alone. I attempted to read a chapter in one of my books but had to close it. I had to stop, consider, and pray about what I had just heard.

In doing so, I was filled with joy and thanksgiving for the activity of Jesus Christ on the cross. I’m so glad He did it! Some song lyrics read, “O blessed Jesus, may we find a covert in Thy wounds. Though our sins they rise up to meet us, how they fall next to the merits of You.” He paid the ransom that I could not pay, and He gave me the merits—His merits—for eternal life with Him.

I recalled Romans 8:31-34:

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is seated at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.”

Christ Jesus is the one who died! Had it been anyone else, we would still be dead in our sins, still condemned. But Christ Jesus died for us! The perfect, sinless Son of God sent from the Father as our Messiah. We can have confidence in Christ Jesus. Who can be against us?

It gets better. Verses 35-39:

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, not things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Do you get it? Not only does Jesus justify us, He keeps us! We have a firm foundation. We have a seal on our souls. His name is Jesus. More song lyrics: “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness…. On Christ the sold Rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand…. When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh, may I then in Him be found dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the Throne.”

Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, so let’s live like it's true. Let's rejoice and have confidence. For,

“…God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore, do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus… who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel…” (2 Timothy 1:7-9a, 10a).

If Jesus, who is so powerful as to abolish death and bring life through the gospel, is for us, we have no reason to be afraid or ashamed.

And let’s remember that our justification is founded upon the life and death of Jesus Christ, His redemptive activity of grace, not upon our works of righteousness, what God has done in us. We are and always will be dependent on God.

One more implication from Romans 8:31-39 and the doctrine of justification by faith alone: Since we have beheld, understood, and believed this most glorious gospel and rest secure in Jesus Christ, we should have a desire to tell others about Him through the gospel message, with no fear and no shame, and clearly proclaim the doctrine of justification by faith alone when it is threatened. Look at Exodus 9:16 that Paul quotes in this passage: “’For your sakes we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered’” (v. 36). And Romans 1:16-17: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, ‘The righteous shall live by faith’ [Habakkuk 2:4].”

And in 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 19-21:

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised…. in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

In conclusion, consider Philippians 3:8-9:

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.”

I write these things to you to stir up your faith and affection for our Lord Jesus Christ, if in fact you are in Christ. If you approached this post cold, I pray that you are finishing this post ablaze. Study the Gospels and acquaint yourself afresh with Jesus. Listen to Piper’s message. Set your mind on the Truth and understand sound doctrine. Live it out.

Come, Smeagol! Come to Master!

2010-08-06T14:41:00.004-05:00

I made an agreement with Rachel that I would watch Star Wars if she would watch The Lord of the Rings. Last week, Rachel experienced Middle-earth for the first time. She liked it! We've come to realize that our cat is very similar to Smeagol/Gollum. Depending on her mood and behavior, both of which can change on a dime, she is one of the two. I must admit, more times than not, Gollum is present with us. Oh, Kitty...

Tribute to Dad

2010-07-28T20:32:00.003-05:00

This week I have stood (or sat) in awe of my dad. He is resilient. He endures an increasingly heavy load and keeps going with an overall good attitude. What has been adding to his load lately is the uncanny trial of car problems, one that began in January.

Shortly after Rachel left for overseas, the head gasket in Dad's Corsica blew up. God providentially had Rachel's car sitting in the drive for him to use. Since she was not due back for six months, Dad in the meantime searched for used cars and engines but never discovered a winner. He was slightly sidetracked when spring arrived. Both lawn mowers needed work.

Fast-forward to Rachel's return. He found on the Internet a blue Corsica for sale in Sedalia, MO, with 104,000 miles. It needed some new parts before it could run, which the dealership covered, so purchasing the car was pushed back a week.

During this time, Rachel and I rear-ended a truck in St. Louis. Though we weren't moving fast, the car incurred an estimated $1700 in passenger-side and front-end damage. We could still drive it at least, though I had to crawl out the driver's side of the car. (I begged Rachel to let me crawl out the passenger-side window like a NASCAR driver but to no avail.)

The following Friday, Dad and Ronnie installed a new compressor into the truck. Saturday, Dad and Rachel drove four and a half hours to Sedalia and bought the car. About 100 miles into the return leg, the belt broke on the Corsica. They had to leave the car overnight somewhere off Highway 50. With a new belt and several tools, they headed west again Sunday morning. Come to find out, two bolts in the compressor were stripped out, which caused everything to shift, leading to the belt's break and a hole in the radiator. Dad and Rachel drove for about 16 1/2 hours that weekend, and my dad had to go to a blazing hot factory the next day.

The same day, Mom and I bought groceries at Wal-Mart. Immediately after parking the Beretta in front of the house, the brakes went out. Dad replaced a portion of the brake line as quickly as he could and bled the brakes. We see God's care, as in other instances of His wisdom and providence, and are thankful that the brakes didn't quit while on the road. Dad said he felt led not to take Rachel's car that morning to go fix the Corsica.

Last week, I think, the fuel pump on the truck went out on my dad's way home from work. We then had four vehicles in the drive and only one running--Rachel's Beretta with one functioning door. Gerald replaced the fuel pump the next day while my dad worked. Meanwhile, my mom was having to go to the hospital often, so we borrowed my grandma's car on several occasions.

This week, Dad replaced the EGR valve in the Corsica, so it can now run, though it still lacks a good radiator. The most recent problems now is the truck's overheating and the Beretta's brakes' refusal to pump up completely.

My dad's been going and going from sunup to past sundown in the heat. He said himself one night, "You can't keep a good man down, especially a man of God." Thanks for being an example of perseverance, Dad.

On Reserve Battery

2010-07-26T21:10:00.000-05:00

This evening Dad, Rachel, Jerry, and I were outside as my dad replaced a portion of the brake line in Rachel’s Beretta and began bleeding the air out of the lines. As I observed his twisting socket wrenches and his tenacious removal of the left front, I was able once again to relish in a thunderstorm’s approach. I listened to the low rolls of thunder and eventually felt the cool downdraft blow from the west, carrying with it the scent of refreshing rain. As I type now, it is here upon us and threatens to snuff our electricity.

I am thankful for the handymen and mechanics in my family. My dad and uncles, Ronnie, Larry, and Gerald, have put in many hours working on cars. Their auto repair ingenuity has saved us from many a burdensome cost. I will recount the recent events leading up to my current reflection soon, when I can charge my laptop without threat.

Links Between The Fellowship of the Ring and the Gospel

2010-07-22T12:12:00.003-05:00

As promised, with the exception of when, I will here share some of the parallels I found while watching The Fellowship of the Ring. Given Tolkien's religious background, the symbolism was no doubt intentional, though inconsistent. I think these links are what helped me sit through the three hours--my movie muscle is weak but received much exercise through this trilogy. The other two movies carried my intrigue, and Tolkien's brilliance remained, so that I found the entire story exceptional. So, here we go. Three observations:

1. The betrayal--It was revealed to Frodo that he would face betrayal from a member of the Fellowship and that the Fellowship would divide--scatter, if you will. Jesus knew beforehand Judas Iscariot would betray him as well (John 6:70-71; 13:21).

2. Solitude--Frodo withdrew to a quiet place, as leaders do. He was burdened and needed time alone. Jesus withdrew many times from the Jews or from the crowds, sometimes to pray. It was in one of these times of isolation that Frodo was betrayed. He once again faced man's desire for the ring.

3. The growth in power and physical spread of evil--The darkness portrayed in The Fellowship of the Ring panged my heart. It struck me deeper than I had anticipated. As the power of the ring grew, hope dissipated. The distinction between good and evil are not always easily discerned in the characters either. This mirrors reality well. Imagine the Fall, and what it must have been like for depravity to enter the world and human nature. All was affected, even creation, just like in this movie.

More redemptive and christological parallels exist in this movie and in the series as a whole. I can't help but seek them out while watching. I've become a sucker for such fantasy. The Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker impacted my understanding of sin and redemption, and now The Lord of the Rings has done the same.

Love the Brotherhood. Watch Yourself and the Teaching.

2010-07-09T11:23:00.004-05:00

The Together for the Gospel conference this past April is a highlight of this year. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to go, for the experience itself, and for my brothers and sisters from FBC with whom I experienced it. Three of us were able to attend T4G Late Nite, in which Mahaney, Dever, Duncan, and Mohler gave us ten-minute nuggets of wisdom, and the T4G staff gave us flash drives with the nuggets and extra sermons. I listened to one of these sermons today.

I took my last walk around the subdivision. I'll leave, Lord willing, with my parents tomorrow morning to pick up my sister from the airport and head on down to Fredericktown. As I enjoyed the birds I listened to C.J. Mahaney's "Grace and the Adventure of Leadership" that he preached at a PDI conference. It was just the sermon I needed to hear from what I can tell. In going to my hometown church, I hope and pray that I love them. I have struggled for a few years to harbor a right attitude and seek unity in light of their need for some adjustment in their handling of the gospel. Mahaney's sermon was a very good slap in the face--just what I was praying for! Not really. When I had prayed and asked for prayer about loving my home church through actions and words, I did not expect that God would prepare me by convicting me. I was blind to my sin and thus my need for conviction.

Though it may seem virtuous that I toil over my home church so and desire for their reform, in reality I myself am in need of reform. My criticisms and dread are evidence of my pride and self-righteousness, as mentioned in the sermon. I realize now that part of the reason I become critical and sometimes hostile is fear that I will get "sucked in." This fear is a lack of trust in God, who promises to keep us and is able to guard us. My heart attitude and consequent behavior is not the example for watching yourself and the teaching (1 Timothy 4:16).

So how do we guard ourselves and the gospel and sound doctrine? When faced with people who are under grace but who we think are in particular need of adjustment (my situation) or when faced with false teaching or a distortion of the gospel, how should we respond? For starters, I think it's good to locate our concern: Are we concerned with the preservation of the gospel, or are we concerned that we ourselves and our faith are being threatened? The answer to this question reveals your motivation and will dictate your action. For me, it is both, which makes things a little messy.

Mahaney presents a course of action that is helpful here in answering these questions. Think upon the evidences of grace in the people's lives. As a side note, while I was walking, and Mahaney was addressing pride in criticism with a Peanuts illustration, a car went by and hindered my hearing. I backed up the sermon on my iPod to hear what I missed, and when I played it again, a large trash truck then obstructed my hearing. I tried a third time, and the truck moved my direction and turned onto the street I was walking down--once again, obstructing my hearing of Mahaney's words. By this time, I was annoyed. Then I noticed the word that was painted on the side of the truck as it went on: Grace. I had to laugh. Grace has not much resonated in my heart toward my brothers in and sisters in my home church. Nor have I thought upon God's grace toward me as often as I should.

When we consider evidences of God's grace in difficult people rather than focus on their hang-ups--no matter how trivial or crucial the hang-ups are--we are much more apt to thank God for them, like Paul was thankful for the Corinthian church.

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:4-9)

As Mahaney points out, Paul's thankfulness for the Corinthian church, who had many problems of sin at the time, does not make sense initially. My first reaction to my home church is not thankfulness. Paul, however, had maintained a God-centered thanksgiving by acknowledging the grace God showed them in Christ Jesus, knowing that God had fully equipped them with spiritual gifts, and trusting God's sustenance for them. Imagine what the Corinthians must have felt in hearing these words. Feeling the weight of sin and guilt and hearing that Christ will sustain them and, more than that, present them blameless before God the Father! You see, Paul motivated by grace. He did not beat them down with criticism and condemnation. No. He reminded them of who they were. He built them up. Lastly, in his God-centered thanksgiving, he recounts God's faithfulness. He reminds them that God called them into the fellowship of Jesus Christ. Their first reception of grace, their continuance in the gospel, and their victorious finish are all credited to God in Christ Jesus. Paul so trusts the Lord that he can thank Him for the Corinthians in their evidences of grace, confident that they will make it to the end, no matter the needs of adjustment they have. (We see here that Paul had a long-term view. He saw the big picture, not just the immediate circumstances.)

Let this not be an excuse for ignorance, however. Sin must be addressed and accountability carried out. What I do mean to say is that we can guard ourselves and the teaching and respond to difficult people in accordance with the gospel, without pride, self-righteousness, or fear, by motivating by grace. We can remember God's grace toward us and be humbled. We can then remember God's grace toward them and be motivated to encourage them in that grace, thus motivating them to do the same. Inherent in this is the desire to please the Lord. No longer do they rebel but submit, turning the tides on sin and bringing glory to the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.

My home church is no longer a threat but an opportunity to extend grace. And praise be to God for His forgiveness and immeasurable grace!

Sin, Grace, Jude, and James

2010-07-08T00:39:00.004-05:00

For a while, maybe a week, I could feel my heart turning toward my former manner of life, in which I was supposedly in charge and definitely devoid of the Spirit of Christ and belief in the gospel. During this time, discipline--especially spiritual disciplines like Bible intake and prayer--was waning and my indulgence in idleness and entertainment growing. I tried to make myself pray in the evenings and meditate on God's majesty with thanksgiving on my walks in the mornings, but I sensed that my heart was not fully in them, that my affections were not wholly stirred, and I soon gave up--or you could say, gave in. I did not do what I knew I ought to do, which is sin (James 4:17).

Once sin begins, if not interrupted by the grace of Jesus Christ, it will snowball. Today was the culmination. I neglected the Word, rushed prayer, struggled to keep even my personal discipline of walking a mile, and found myself sinning in ways I haven't in a long while (mainly grumbling and complaining). The worst of it, though, was lack of desire to change. I stepped outside the house to go on my walk, shut the screen door, and thought, "I don't care."

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:12-15)

I listened to about half of a sermon by C.J. Mahaney on Jude ("Contend," part two of two in Jude series) while I walked. Shortly before finishing the mile I realized that Mahaney's words directly pertained to me. One of his points was from v. 21 ("keep yourselves in the love of God..."). The sub-points that followed answered the question, how? From the text, he answers (1) build up yourselves in faith (e.g., preach the gospel to yourself every day), (2) pray in the Holy Spirit, and (3) wait for the Lord's mercy. Okay, so how am I doing with these? Epic fail.

Remorse began for all the sins I mentioned above, beginning with remorse for grumbling and complaining. While I showered, I asked the Lord to give me a right heart and a new song (literally, a new song to sing and worship in the shower) and forgiveness and recounted the gospel with thankfulness. I sang the hymn the Lord gave me. My heart was then turning toward the way I should go--submission to Christ. Now, before I go to sleep, the desire to please my Lord is in me and even affection.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. (James 1:16-18)

I write all that as a foundation for this: This afternoon I shared this experience with a brother and sister in the Lord as we discussed man's desire for autonomy, the nature of sin, and the use of Scripture in resisting temptation and putting off sin/putting on Christ. We discussed the sin snowball effect. Then, tonight as I was preparing for bed, I listened to the back half of the sermon, and Jude and Mahaney confirmed what we were saying: "If I'm not praying, then it reveals for me, at least, the presence of pride and self-sufficiency," and again,

If you neglect this imperative, to keep yourselves in the love of God,... it will have a subtle but gradual and inevitable effect on your soul. Yes, it will. And eventually what is subtle will become obvious because if you neglect this passage [Jude 20-22] and the application of this passage, you neglect this passage to the detriment of your soul. And eventually you will reap. I know because I have neglected this passage at times and then experience the dullness in my soul, diminished affections for the Savior, diminished desire to read His Word. I know what it's like. I look in my soul and say, "You're not as affectionate and passionate as you once were."... If your heart is dull or hard, you arrive there by a daily neglect of this verse... You can keep yourself in the love of God by doing, by the grace of God, what you should have been doing all along--preaching the gospel to yourself, praying, and waiting... Gradually, over a period of time, you will know a restored affection for the Savior.

Thank you, Lord, for your Word and your Word preached and that you keep us (Jude 1, 21, 24).

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. (James 1:19-21)

The Fellowship of the Ring

2010-07-06T14:16:00.003-05:00

Last night I watched The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time with Andy and Angela. Fantasy is not typically my cup of tea, but Ted Dekker's The Circle Trilogy set me on the path to developing an admiration for the art. It truly has got to be the most difficult genre in which to write. A simple fantastical plot can easily grow into a complex web of details, which I would imagine would create great potential for loose ends. The television show Lost helped me realize that brilliance is prerequisite. J.R.R. Tolkien may be the most brilliant of them all.

I think the key to good fantasy, in my limited exposure, is achieving balance between real elements and fantastical elements. What I mean is that it is possible to err on the side of too many real elements and create a similar world that is unbelievable. On the other hand, it is possible to give fantastical attributes to too many elements in the story (characters, natural laws, culture, etc.) and overwhelm the audience's senses or cause confusion. Tolkien seems to strike a good balance. He creates a world (Middle Earth) and successfully works out the webbed details to make his story "believable." Dimensions of human nature, Earth's properties, and moral laws remain intact while at the same time he creates a new language, cultures, creatures (e.g., the orks), and modes of power (e.g., the ring and the transfer of power). Any loose ends are few and minor.

The movie sucked me in from the beginning. I like the hobbits, Gandalf, the beautiful horses and scenery, the music, the storyline (duh), and, best of all, the similarities to the gospel, which I'll discuss in my next post. People have raved about The Lord of the Rings, but I never gave it much attention. I figured it was fantasy, dark (not true), and too popular to entice me. Well.... what can I say? A friend of mine introduced me to the soundtrack, and I decided I wanted to learn more about what hobbits were and what Tolkien's elves looked like. Then, when I moved to Andy and Angela's, I read a portion of their copy of The Hobbit, the prequel, if you will, to LOTR. I'm glad I gave in.

Behold the Lord's Majesty! I Am So Filled.

2010-06-22T20:54:00.007-05:00

I just finished reading Exodus 18-19 and John 15:1-17 in the company of an evening dove, crickets, and dry flies. The day cooled down to a beautiful, breezy evening. I am much encouraged by the Lord's promise to the Israelites in 19:4-6.

You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation....

The Lord is lovely and ever generous. In meditating on these verses, He brought to mind John 15, wherein Jesus says, "Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full" (vv. 9b-11). God knows that only in Him does true satisfaction lie. He is so good and wise in commanding us; He commands us for our good like a father, knowing what will make for godliness, as a father trains in the way his children should go. It is true that what He has in store for us is greater than whatever we could ask or think or imagine (Eph. 3:20). Even when Israel murmured against Moses (and against the Lord), the Lord was patient with them and provided for them. (I am thinking specifically of the events at Marah, where the Lord turned the bitter waters sweet for Israel to drink in Exodus 15, at the end of which the Lord made a statute and a rule.)

Seeing the Lord's wisdom, omnipotence, compassion, plan, love, and mercy in Exodus and in these chapters specifically has enriched the faith He has given me and helped me see Christ in the OT. Growing in knowing the Lord and trusting Him, standing on and resting in His promises, experiencing the truly awesome grasp of Christ's presence in all of redemptive history and the scriptural parallels to the NT... After the Lord descended in fire in a cloud with thunder and lightning and a trumpet's blast, the mountain of God trembled greatly (19:16-18), and my soul shook a little with it.

Wrap Up of SP-10

2010-06-02T00:47:00.003-05:00

Wow, so I'm really slacking in the blogging department. Four years ago I was much more dedicated and blogged multiple times a week. Of course, I and the dynamics of my life have changed since then. Hmm....

Anyway, in January I wrote a post about the SP-10 semester. I said that I would only finish undergraduate work and finish it well by the grace of God. Well, I'm here to tell you now that I have finished and finished well, and indeed it was only by God's grace. Gratitude floods my soul. Overall, the semester was the busiest, hardest, and yet most joyful semesters at MBU. Now I am done and looking ahead.

Screwtape taught me much last month about looking ahead. I haven't always heeded his expertise, however. I've been reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis off and on amid other books. For those who are not familiar, Screwtape is a fictional demon who writes a series of advising letters in correspondence with his demon nephew, Wormwood. In one of the letters, Screwtape explains that out of the three (past, present, and future) the future holds the most promise for damaging the patient's (human's) progress [in becoming like Christ]. If Wormwood can get his patient to sit and think on the future and imagine schemes, the patient won't actually do anything. So true!

I read this last month, like I said, and what did I do? I obsessed over the uncertainties of my future. What did it profit me? Not a whole lot. Then, in one Sunday, all my obsessing came to a halt. Now all is well. Details aside, know that I am very thankful for the body of Christ! And thankful that I am a member of that precious Body.

Now looking back, I realize that I did not heed the warning the Lord gave me through Lewis. I had to learn it the hard way. Typical.

Take away from this that the Lord Jesus is always faithful, steady, like a rock, and infinitely wise. Praise Him with me.

Hands-On Learning?

2010-03-02T23:36:00.003-06:00

I've been contemplating the concept of receiving training from the local church rather than or, more likely, in conjunction with academic training. I feel like I am learning much through theory but not enough through practice. So much is available to learn through engaging in the ministry of interest! Ministries of my interest right now include writing/exegesis, biblical counseling, and teaching. Pursuing one in seminary and growing in another in the church is what I have in mind. If I want to write commentaries, word studies, and/or Sunday School lessons as well as lead/teach in women's ministry, I could learn the writing and exegesis in the classroom and learn the leading/teaching (and possible interwoven informal counseling) within the church. I think the hands-on approach to education would prove good for me. I am unbalanced right now in my knowledge. I'd like to even out--well, at least achieve as much a balance as is possible.

I'm kind of just sending this out into the void. Reading over it, I realize that I've basically written a thought that may be of little use to you. I'd appreciate your feedback on the thought though.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

2010-02-24T00:23:00.003-06:00

I spent some quality time with Elvis tonight as I prepped for bed. Rinsing one's sinuses is much more fun when shaking the solution to the rhythm of "Jailhouse Rock." "It's now or never" to floss, and who can beat putting on the PJs in the dark to the bluesy "Are You Lonesome Tonight"? Back in my late nights, I'd sometimes dance to Elvis in my dorm room at three in the morning. (Pretty sure I blogged about it once...) Coming to STL and realizing that not everyone likes Elvis was an adjustment. I echo my sister's sentiments when she asked, "Who couldn't like Elvis?" If you find yourself shaking your head in disapproval, how about "a little less conversation" and just "reconsider, baby." You may become a fan and put away your "suspicious minds."

Silliness with titles aside, the song "Memories" just came on my iPod. I am now somber and almost moved to tears. This song pretty much rips my heart out these days. It takes me to the days of my childhood with my sister--times that only live in my memory and photographs. With her so far away, the memories are bittersweet--mostly sweet. I miss her very much, but I am blessed in getting to still talk to her. I hope that someday soon, we'll get to rock out to Elvis in her Z again. (I feel selfish saying that though because she's up to some great stuff these days that will affect many more people for the good than just me.)

Good night.

My Heart May Fail, but God is the Strength of My Heart

2010-02-16T23:05:00.003-06:00

So I just received much edification from a friend's blog. I originally was going to post a note about my "downcast" day and health problems, but the Spirit led me to check out this blog before writing. I'm glad He did. I'm still going to write about my "downcast" day and health problems, but to a different end, for my attitude has changed. As I sit here sweating profusely (gross, I know), let me tell you what's been going on.

Oh, by the way, I watched an ADORABLE video of my baby relative, Ella Grace. Okay, moving back...

This semester is by far the busiest I've experienced. I was relaxed about it for a little while until my iCal provided me with a reality check, and my intensity resumed its well-worn status. Though it overwhelms me at times--okay, many times--the Lord has also infused this semester with inexpressible joy in Him. Through His Spirit, His Word comes alive to me and blows me away. I sit in awe of Him and probably come off as a crazy person because I'll get this huge Cheshire grin on my face and start laughing out loud. I may talk about it with others too, but all this expression doesn't do the joy justice. That's why I say it's inexpressible. Not only in digesting His Word but also in using His Word as a sword and His promises as a firm foundation does He fill me with His joy. Thirdly, I experience His joy through fellowship and teaching from my spiritual brothers and sisters. The bond of Christ--think about the bond of Christ--you can't replace it.

I say all that to give you a backdrop for my current struggles. It will also serve as the closing curtain. Alongside this joy has existed a "thorn." I have experienced poor health in some way since Christmas break. Back pain, sinusitis, digestion difficulties, disruptive mitral valve prolapse (MVP) symptoms, and, of course, ever-present retinitis pigmentosa (RP) make up this thorn. The past two weeks it's been my heart.

Quick biology lesson: The mitral valve controls blood flow from the left atrium at the top of the heart to the left ventricle at the bottom. It has two flaps (called leaflets) that open and close upon contraction. When the valve prolapses, it bulges and does not close correctly. Caffeine (or any stimulant), certain meds, lack of sleep, and stress causes the valve to malfunction even more. My cardiologist can hear the dysfunction when he listens to my pulse.

So, remember earlier when I said this semester is "by far the busiest"? Hello, MVP. Raspberry hot chocolate got it started, and I've been ticking something crazy ever since--well, until last Friday. Many people were/are praying for me, especially last Thursday. I went to bed Thursday night with my heart pounding. I awoke Friday feeling perfectly fine. The whole weekend was lovely. Praise the Lord!

Today I had some symptoms and wasn't feeling well. On top of that, I was very stressed. Not feeling good + very stressed / on-going circumstance = irritable Kristi. I am reminded now again that joy in God requires a fight. We must fight for joy, or we'll lose it. When you have joy in God, you realize it as precious. That, along with the fact that it glorifies God, motivates you to guard it. I feel like I am losing this joy and that my heart is wandering away, and it scares me.

[Aside: I was so pleased with the victory the Lord gave me in a recent spiritual battle, but in light of how I seem to be losing my current battle, I recall Luke 10:20, where Jesus says, "Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." Everything I have received; nothing good is of myself, so I cannot boast in even my past victory but only in the cross of Christ.]

[I was going to explain that I felt lost as to how to prevent this joy from slipping, but before I knew it I turned to praying Scripture. Question answered.]

O Lord, You keep me. You preserve me for your lasting possession. "In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them" (Psalm 139:16)--even today. This day I was downcast in spirit (Ps. 42:5-6, 11) and intense to the point of trembling, but here I sit now in the assurance of Your love and mercy and sovereignty. Your provision, O Lord, is great. In Your infinite wisdom you give it.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit" (Psalm 51:12).

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And on earth there is nothing that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25-26).

In Jesus' name, amen.

Current Thoughts on Life

2010-02-03T12:32:00.003-06:00

So it's week 5 of the semester (whoa!). I left you with an outlook that was sober and hopeful. By way of update, things are going pretty well. Overall, January was joyful, even with its own challenges--challenges that have carried into February. I press on by the strength and grace of Jesus Christ, however, and I am still hopeful that I will finish and finish well.

Today, I spoke to my sister via Skype. She is overseas, exactly across the world, in fact, and I miss her very much. I typically do not express it unless I am in a quiet and lonely place or I'm working on Hebrew translation exercises. She's my best friend, and it is difficult to live in a different culture from her. I am thankful for our communication though. Plus, it has increased my awareness and appreciation for our freedom of speech and religion in the U.S.

My thoughts have been turning homeward lately. I feel like if I don't recover my past through meditation that I will lose it, as if my childhood is an anchor for something. I know I am sounding abstract, and I should not even have time to think about such things, but the uncertainty of my future reverts me to my past--like I'm trying to catch my footing. I should probably consider the circumstances in biblical terms. Though I may plan my way, the Lord directs my steps.

I am currently in a commotion of people and coffee. Time to relocate to my academic refuge, the reference room.

Looking at SP-10

2010-01-05T15:41:00.002-06:00

The holidays are over for now. The rip-roar has calmed down, and people are realizing that daily routine has reared its head once again. For me, the daily routine is a new school semester. Stress is mounting as I read over more and more syllabi. My aim, of course, is to be a better steward of my time and tasks at hand. This is my aim every semester, but I pray now that God will give me the grace and discipline to finish all and finish well.

I think my spiritual growth stalled at least some during my sophomore and junior years here at MBU. I plan to post in segments a paper I recently wrote that details this stall. It is my expectation that in light of going through the season I did and writing about it, I will serve the Lord this semester with a healthier heart and more consciously.

I do not have hope in myself. But I do have hope in God.

A Study (Feast [For Your Soul]) of 2 Thessalonians 3

2009-12-24T11:49:00.004-06:00

I read 2 Thessalonians 3 today. Then the Lord directed me to write about it, which turned my reading into a study. I used the ESV Study Bible for background work and did my reading in the NASB.

To best understand this chapter, let me lay down a contextual foundation, beginning with historical considerations and proceeding to literary analysis and a brief look at the preceding two chapters.

History (The Salad [Primes the Appetite])
Thessalonica was the capital city of Macedonia. It was the center of commerce, having a harbor and trade routes. About 100,000 people resided there--a significant population for N.T. times--and the majority of them belonged to the Greco-Roman pantheon and cults. Paul, Timothy, and Silas (Silvanus) visited Thessalonica around A.D. 49-51 during Paul's second missionary journey. They preached there for about three weeks before having to leave because of a mass riot (see Acts 17). Paul sent Timothy back to Thessalonica after some months to evaluate how the young church was doing. Timothy met up with Paul in Corinth and reported both good and bad news. Though enduring persecution, they were continuing in the faith. Ignorance, however, caused worry among the Thessalonians on behalf of those in the church who died; they were unsure whether these martyrs would have part in the Lord's second coming. The Thessalonian church also had some members who were lazy and continually relied upon other members instead of working themselves. Paul wrote 1 and 2 Thessalonians (3:17-18) because of Timothy's report. The second followed the first in short succession probably because it was a reaction to new developments since Paul sent the first letter.

Literary Analysis (The Drink [Cleanses the Palate])
This letter to the Thessalonians includes the normal elements of a first century letter, like most N.T. epistles and letters. Atypical of Paul, the elements are not embellished but concise. The elements are as follows: opening greeting (author, audience, and words of benevolence; almost identical to that of 1 Thessalonians), thanksgiving, body, conclusion/benediction.

Summary of Chs. 1-2 (The Complimentary Roll [To be Eaten with the Main Course])
After Paul's greeting, he explains why he thanks God for them and lifts them up to the other churches, namely for their ever-increasing faith and love in regard to the former and for their perseverance and faith amid persecution in regard to the latter. He then explains how God will justly vindicate those who are remaining steadfast in persecution and punish those who are persecuting. At the close of the chapter, Paul informs the Thessalonians that he, Timothy, and Silas are praying for them. They are praying that God will count them worthy of their calling and make them complete so that they will glorify Jesus Christ and be glorified in Him by God's grace.

In Chapter 2, Paul addresses their worry about the day of the Lord. He reminds them of the truth he spoke to them while he was with them and informs them of what the Antichrist will be like. The overarching point Paul addresses is the timing of Christ's second coming. The Thessalonians were told that the day of the Lord had already come (v. 2). The chapter ends with Paul repeating his thanksgiving and encouraging them to stand firm. He then prays that God would comfort them.

Second Thessalonians 3 (The Meat of This Post [Use All Five Senses])
I see great care from Paul to the Thessalonian Christians. He requests prayer from them in the opening of the chapter, which tells me that he believed in their faith. He affirms this in v. 4 in saying that he and the other missionaries "have confidence in the Lord concerning you, that you are doing and will continue to do what we command."

He expresses love to them also in the next paragraph. He follows up vv. 4-5 with a command in v. 6: to stay away from a Christian who lives an unruly life. He equates "leads an unruly life" (ataktos peripatountos) with "act in an undisciplined manner" (hetaktesamen) in v. 7. We see "undisciplined" again in v. 11: "For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies." Basically Paul is saying, "Follow our example of working hard and earning our food. Don't associate with your Christian brothers and sisters who are mooching off the wealthier in the church. And you who are the wealthy these lazy Christians are mooching off of, don't grow weary in doing good." Paul commands and encourages the lazy to work quietly and eat the food they earn.

For those who do not listen to Paul, Silas, and Timothy's instructions, Paul orders the Thessalonians in vv. 14-15 not to associate with them. He says to admonish the disobedient as brothers (those of whom he writes are Christians) and not regard them as enemies. The distinction Paul draws between brothers and enemies leads me to think that this disassociation is temporary. By not associating with them, Paul says they will "be put to shame." Shame humbles us and motivates us to clean up our act. Perhaps Paul was behaving like the father in the faith that he was and willing that some people experience pain (the shame of disfellowship), knowing the outcome was well worth it--obedience.

Paul closes the chapter and, thus, the letter by requesting on their behalf peace from God in all circumstances. This had to be comforting for the Thessalonians given the persecution they were enduring. Paul then claims authorship by signing off the letter himself and wishing that the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with them.

Personal Implications (The Potatoes [Always Save Your Starch for Last])
So what does this chapter mean for us? I think we need to examine ourselves to determine to which clan we belong. Are we the lazy or the hard-working? Do we follow the example Paul, Silas, and Timothy set, or do we give in to our comforts, always examining how we feel and what feels good to us? Are we disobedient or obedient? Do we earn our living or mooch off others? Are we busybodies? And if we are the obedient hard-workers, do we grow weary in doing good? Or do we give cheerfully and generously, even after giving over and over again seemingly without appreciation, reward, or result?

I'm writing to myself just as much as to anyone else. I am lazy, and I do grow weary in doing good. I am not always lazy in earning my keep, but I am lazy in other ways. I am not always weary in giving to those in need, but I am sometimes, and I do grow weary in speaking the gospel and showing love to others over and over, who seem to not receive it in faith or appreciate it. I think if Paul looked in on my status, he'd write a letter of disappointment and admonition to me. That admonition would be an impetus for hope. I should "work in quiet fashion" (v. 12)--v. 11 convicts me. I should follow the good example set for me and work diligently, glorifying the Lord through obedience. Am I to do this by bucking up? I am not without the power of Christ (2 Thess. 1:11-12)! It is by the Spirit that we mortify our flesh (Romans 8:13). God is making it more and more plain to me that I cannot be passive in my sanctification. Praise to God that He is with us!

"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ" (2 Thess. 3:5).

Taking a Break to Blog on Break

2009-12-21T22:18:00.004-06:00

I am a week into Christmas Break. I survived finals week and, with the grace of my Greek professor, the semester. Let me tell you as an aside, my Greek prof and advisor is a special person. He is simply someone you've got to get to know. Anyway, I have plenty of Greek homework to keep me busy over break, but am I doing it?

Nope.

The procrastination habit continues. It is not so much that I am being whole-heartedly lazy as it is wanting to spend time with family, especially my sister. So maybe I am improving. Saturday and Sunday were shopping days. Today, Rachel and I both had dentist appointments. Tomorrow, my mom and I have chiropractor appointments, and Wednesday, Rachel and I are heading to see our cousin at her salon for some much-needed hair trims. Thursday: Christmas Eve... Friday: Christmas... Saturday: Shawn, Megan, and baby Ella might visit!... I've got some time in there when I can do homework, Lord willing.

Maybe "Christmas Break" should be renamed....

Curse You, Procrastination!

2009-12-01T00:32:00.003-06:00

Hmm... so since the last time I posted I have made zero progress on my Missions and Mercy assignment. Yeah, I know, it's due Wednesday. I just can't seem to get the laziness out of my system. I think I need a good kick in the seat of the pants. Instead of researching and writing, I've been looking at people's blogs, searching for free textual criticism tools, talking on the phone, and eating chips while my stomach hurts. What is happening to me?? I used to not be like this. I used to be Miss On-Task.

Kasia just came in. Yessss!!!! She helps me bear down on my work. Here it goes...

Just Checking In...

2009-11-30T22:13:00.004-06:00

I was just looking at the blogs I "follow" and discovered that apart from Rachel's blog and Lisa's blog, we're all slackers. Some haven't blogged in a year! As you can deduce, it's been a couple months for me. I have been busy, but that is not the actual reason for my blogosphere absence. I simply have had little inclination to do so. I realize this is atypical for me, and I cannot at this time explain it.

Anyway, Thanksgiving break has officially ended. It was a good time with family at the homestead, full of hilarity and food. Though I remember lamenting on more than one occasion over forgetting to transport my coffee from the dorm, I can tell you that I was in no want of food or beverage--or television for that matter. I'm glad I was able to hang out with my cousin Jeremy and his wife Lindsey. They are laid back, pleasant, country, and in sync with the Hovis tastes (Elvis, cars, etc.), which makes them pretty much great. Jeremy is an outdoorsman who likes to hunt, fish, and ride horses. I like it.

Thanksgiving is a prime excuse for Rachel to come into town as well. Before driving south, we put her birthday coupon to good use at Cold Stone. Believe it or not, we ate at McDonald's beforehand. (We rarely grace the premises with our presence.) When back in STL, we ate at Jimmy John's and used my free cookie coupon at McAlister's. Mmm... Rachel and I, I am convinced, are pretty cool gals. I don't say that to be conceited; we simply have good tastes in food and music--making any trip a good time.

The agenda now is to finish my Missions and Mercy paper for Wednesday afternoon and a wealth of Hebrew homework for Thursday morning. Then I get to Greek it up!

Tazo!

2009-09-13T14:09:00.006-05:00

Last night I had the blues, so I created ambient lighting, "brewed" herbal tea, and set my iTunes to Norah Jones. Therapeutic it was. Sipping Tazo's Calm usually soothes my soul. Have you tried Tazo? Tazo offers a variety of caffeinated, decaffeinated, and caffeine-free black, white and green, and herbal teas and a small line of tea lattes. Which do I recommend, you ask? It's a toss-up between Calm and Wild Sweet Orange. Zen is also a good choice, offering a minty freshness. Where can you find Tazo teas? At your favorite Starbucks or at natural foods stores and grocery stores like Wal-Mart. Hopefully, I'll get to try Sweet Cinnamon Spice soon (not sold in Starbucks stores but available online).

If you experiment with Tazo and discover it is not your cup of tea (couldn't resist), then give its competitor a chance. Numi organic teas are very similar and sold at Whole Foods and Wild Oats. I prefer Tazo's varieties over Numi's, but I did try an impressive Rooibos from Numi.

Finally, as a third option, if neither Tazo nor Numi suits your fancy, immerse yourself in Celestial Seasonings' plethora of 100% natural teas. Boasting a range of about 100 different flavors, you are virtually guaranteed to find something you like. Also, for you coffee enthusiasts, Celestial Seasonings offers organic, Fair Trade whole bean coffee.

All this talk about tea has stirred my senses. Tea anyone?

Chick-fil-A

2009-09-13T00:01:00.003-05:00

I have a draft that I intend to publish when I set about to re-research the semantic ranges of two Greek words and their relationship. I began word studies for Matthew 22:14 after school let out last spring but never finished writing down my findings. In my Redemption and Reconciliation class this fall, my professor discussed these two words, which prompted me to return to my draft. I hope to post it for all to read and comment.

At the present, I'd like to share with you a fantastic YouTube video that my dear Lindsey brought to my attention recently. It is a tribute to Chick-fil-A--one of the best places to buy a chicken sandwich. As of late, Chick-fil-A has been the buzz among my classmates and myself. If you have never enjoyed Chick-fil-A, I extend my deepest condolences to your deprived palette and encourage you to correct the error of your diet. Your body will thank you! Now join me and Tim Hawkins in singing this love song (or click here to view the vid from Tim's website).

A Brief Lamentory Note

2009-04-17T23:44:00.002-05:00

The semester is coming to a close, and there is still so much work to do! But the Lord is with me.... Anyway, my point in writing tonight is to share a little bit of my sorrow over finishing a couple of my classes. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "What? You're actually sad that school's about over?" Yes!

The two classes I have in mind are Intermediate Koine II and Biblical Hermeneutics. These guys (and one other gal) are family to me. I've been privileged to have class with them. I say these things especially in regard to Greek. We're a small clan; besides Doc, it's three young gentlemen and me. They are my brothers in Christ and good friends of mine. I consider that I have a special attachment to this class that I probably won't have with another one. Two are graduating (half the class), but Mark and I will be going on to third-year Greek and first-year Hebrew in the fall! I am passionate about Greek. It's a beautiful language--especially New Testament (Koine) Greek, the original language of the New Testament. This past year (fall and spring semesters) we've translated Paul's letter to the Ephesians. It's been like Bible study almost every day, and sometimes we get to listen to Doc's preaching. Going to miss that in the fall--third-year Greek is online.

I am thankful for these classmates and profs, Dr. McClain and Dr. Greever, and know that the Lord has worked through them to help me grow spritiually and--go figure--mentally. I hope I've aided them in some way too. It's been fun, guys, and a lot of hard work. I'm glad to have had the pleasure of working alongside you all.

Okay, I'm done with the sappiness.... Love you, guys.

Return to Him. He Will Restore You.

2009-02-09T20:48:00.003-06:00

Recently I shared with a few people how God's Word convicted and humbled me. This is just one instance of what seems to be a season of conviction. It is good that the Lord is working on me. It is when we are not experiencing conviction or fighting our flesh that we should raise concern and question our continuance in the faith. To put this in context, this particular time of conviction happened after God convicted me about control, especially self-control, and before He convicted me about being obstinate toward the Holy Spirit.

I have been distracted by something since last fall and did not, until now, realize the negative effect it was having on me--the strain it produced on my relationship with God. I still don't know its exact impact, and maybe I never will, but it is one of those things that is not inherently bad but becomes bad--more precisely, sin--when I follow it instead of Christ, when it leads me astray and not to Christ. Instead of my taking its related thoughts captive to obey Christ, it captured my attention and became my frequent thoughts. This led me to apathy in my walk with the Lord because I drew more pleasure from my new thoughts than from my fellowship with Him. I began to neglect the disciplines, including prayer and daily Bible intake. At first I allowed the "something" but was strict about how much attention I gave it and what kind of attention I gave it. I first devoted it to prayer and trusted God with the outcome. Slowly, like wearing down a knife to the point of dullness, it, through intermediary means of my flesh, ground down my will to keep it within the bounds I had formed.

Now that I have described the progression of sin, let me briefly account for the progression of pain. The consequences of my actions above were trouble and weakness. Sin always brings trouble eventually, and I was weak, or at least weakening, because I was not being strengthened in the Lord through the disciplines. The resulting pain I experienced stemmed not just from this "something" but virtually from my whole life, for this sin problem surpassed the "something." It was like a virus unleashed on my life. By this time, my attitude had changed, and the pain had reached major infiltration. It was not a physical pain that can be felt with the body but a spiritual pain. Do you see the snowball effect of sin? Sin leads to more sin.

All of the last two paragraphs, I remind you, happened over the course of last semester and the beginning of this one. While I was going through this, I did not realize that I was causing my own pain by my sin, spurred on by distraction. (Do you see how dangerous distractions from Christ can be? They easily lead to sin when we submit to them.) Keep this in mind as you read the rest of this post.

The Lord convicted me of this distraction--this "something"--after coming off a weekend at my roommate's house, where He had convicted me of control (see first paragraph). He used a portion of Jeremiah 15 to do it. I like this passage of Scripture very much and had read it several times before: Jeremiah 15:10-21.

Jeremiah had a hard ministry, in which, as a prophet, he had hard words to deliver from the Lord to the people of Judah. They were facing God's judgment and wrath for disobedience. Jeremiah pressed on in his ministry, though encouragement was sparse. (How much more shoudl we press on in sharing the Good News of the Gospel!) The events leading up to the passage at hand consist of Jeremiah praying on behalf of the people and God rejecting his prayer. Jeremiah's reaction to God's rejection is complaint, even doubt. He tells God of the good things he's done (vv. 15-17) then asks, "Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?" (v. 18). When I read this, I adopted it as my own prayer, thinking the questions he asked expressed exactly how I felt. It was the first time I had caught a glimpse of what Jeremiah's pain might have felt like, though my pain was not synonymous with his.

I read on to read what I saw as the turning point: "Therefore thus says the Lord: 'If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them'" (v. 19).

God turned on the light for me. He gave me understanding--I had strayed from the Lord, not in a salvific sense but as a sheep who ignores--disobeys--his Shepherd. It is because I turned away from the Lord that my pain was "unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed." I had caused my own pain; I had brought it all on myself. To think that I had the audacity to blame God, complain in my heart to Him, and doubt His faithfulness! And what does God say? "If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before Me." Meditate on that for a moment. How beautiful is God that He should lavish such love, mercy, and grace upon us! Do you see how in my state of sin I was black and He is White, I was darkness and He is Light? And He promises me the privilege of standing before Him! His character is overwhelming--indeed, incomprehensible and never adequately described. Do you see how even in convicting me of this sin He is expressing His great love toward me? He awoke me from my dreary slumber. More than that, He delivered me from my deceitful dreams, the working of my own flesh.

Beginning with verse 19, seen above, and continuing through to the end of the chapter (v. 21), God makes promise after promise to Jeremiah. God is faithful. We are unfaithful, yet He loves us, desires us for Himself, is jealous for His praise from us. If any of us are faithful, if any obey Him, it is because He has enabled them to do so through the powerful working of His Spirit.

Get Involved in Helping Your (Distant) Neighbors.

2009-01-15T13:18:00.005-06:00

The poor are always with us, but may we not let that discourage us from reaching out to our fellow man. I pray that the Lord will grip your heart to have compassion on those in need--here and abroad--and find ways in which YOU can help them. When you watch videos or read articles about what some people living with AIDS or living in the midst of persecution, or perhaps being persecuted themselves, go through, imagine yourself in their shoes (if they have shoes). I have been influenced and immersed in American culture just like you probably have, and therefore, having not been exposed to many different cultures firsthand, I cannot say that I know what they must be going through. But if I just try to imagine, with what little knowledge or idea that I have, what it is like, my heart breaks, my soul burns, and I want desperately to help.

Here is a brief survey of reputable organizations you can get involved with:

For those of you unfamiliar with World Vision, I encourage you to visit their website and also check out this video from Good Morning America highlighting World Vision's Gift Catalog and the difference we can make by purchasing something from it. World Vision is well known for the child sponsorship opportunities they offer, but their work goes much farther than that. They also help with disaster relief, urgent care, major crises, etc. World Vision, World Help, and Compassion International are great organizations that really do help people in ways that surpass just physical care. For example, you can help World Help distribute Bibles to people in different parts of the world who are currently without the Word of God. (If you follow the link, you will see a very good video. Though it is long, I urge you to watch all of it.) You can partner with The Seed Company, an affiliate of Wycliffe Bible Translators, in providing the resources translators need to produce Bibles in peoples' mother tongues around the world. They set a goal to begin translation for 225 more languages in the next three years. LIFE Outreach International works to provide water wells for people without access to clean water, homes, mission feeding, etc. I encourage you all to get involved in what God is doing through these organizations. They are very good about keeping you informed on the progress they are experiencing as well as new needs that arise. Also--The Seed Company is very good about this--they will request prayer for specific needs. I much appreciate learning what the particular "cluster" to whom I am contributing is doing and for what they need prayer in particular. Thank you Roy Peterson (The Seed Company), Vernon Brewster (World Help), James and Betty Robison (LIFE Outreach International), and everyone involved in these organizations for all your hard work and your passion for the cause.

No Title. Just Read.

2009-01-09T00:21:00.003-06:00

Okay, it's my bedtime right now, and I'm still up, but don't tell anyone.... It's a new year, and hoepfully this year I will post consistently--the sparseness of my posts last semester is shameful. Don't worry; I'm not going to bore you with a list of New Year's resolutions in this inaugural post. I happen to think all the hubbub over them is annoying. I would prefer instead to discuss other things.

First, school: I am taking thirteen credit hours this semester, but don't let that deceive you. My course load is as heavy as ever. I think this semester will turn out well though. My Greek class is excellent, as always, and Biblical Hermeneutics should grow and refine me considerably. Western Civilization II will not disappoint--how could it with Dr. Beutler teaching it? He's fantastic. I slept in his class only once last semester (after an all-nighter) even though it began at eight in the morning. Introduction to Logic should interest me, as for my fitness class, I think it will help me prepare for the mission trip to Romania this summer.

I plan to make efforts to cultivate deeper friendships with a few people in particular this semester. I will exercise strategy when I do this, for these people will have a positive influence on me, are on the same "page" with me, and will probably aid in my constancy in the spiritual disciplines. I truly admire them and want to share life with them more often. Does it sound funny or selfish that I want to surround myself more frequently with these people who will produce such fruit? Shouldn't I want to spend time with them just for the sake of getting to know them better and not for my personal gain? I am seriously asking. To add another dimension: I learned in Marriage and the Family last semester (this was in the context of mate selection, not friendships, but I think it still applies) that when we first meet a person, we weigh the costs and benefits of getting into relationship with that person. With that said, maybe we all have at least a semi-selfish motive for making friends with anyone.

Second, church: You can now listen, download, and, for some, even watch past messages on the redesigned site. Check it out by clicking on the Meadow Heights link in the sidebar.

Third, ministry: I'm not sure where to start. Thoughts are spinning in my head regarding current ministry and future ministry. I have more questions than answers, but I think that is where God wants me. I rely on Him and seek after Him much better this way. Though I am a junior, I've been asked the famous question, "What are you going to do after you graduate?" countless times already. My answer is probably the same as yours: I don't know. I've been thinking about my future much more lately, but I'm not getting anywhere, and I know why. God is pleased to only show me what's just ahead of me--just enough so that I can take the next right step. That's how it's been throughout college, and I doubt it''ll change anytime soon. Of course, I could be wrong; He can surprise me. :) I feel for my brothers and sisters who are seniors this spring and are unsure of what to do next. BUT God is the Lamp unto our feet and the Light onto our path. He is also faithful. "...The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works" (Psalm 145:13). Hold fast to His promises. "He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them" (v. 19).

My Anthem as a Segway into a Study of Romans 8

2008-12-06T00:34:00.007-06:00

(The majority of this post was written 12/6/2008.) I have not blogged since... too long. Much has been going on--too much to include in a blog post--but rest assured that the Lord is still imparting grace and mercy to His children.

Though you do not know all the many details of my recent "joys" and "sorrows," I will tell you of a song fresh in my mind that reveals what I think many of us experience on the inside. Jon Foreman, in the song "Your Love is Strong" (Spring EP), sings, "Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need. Your love is strong."

These lyrics could be the anthem of my semester. In Marriage and the Family today, Professor Puls read us a story about God's provision. We then spent the rest of the 55 minutes sharing stories about how God has come through for us in a way we could not foresee. Reflecting on this semester, I see how God has cared for me in the midst of my worrying and freaking out. I am sure He was calm all along. I did not see His hand working clearly but as through a darkened glass (Romans 8:11-12). God is mysterious, even to those who know and love Him, "for who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" (Romans 11:34) Even so, He cares for us. Perhaps if we would draw close to Him and seek His wisdom, we would mirror His steadfastness instead of wavering or shaking. Seriously, why do I worry or freak out? Romans 8:31-32.

I could incorporate more of Romans 8 into this post, but I've opted instead to do a study on the chapter in its entirety and plan to discuss it in my next post.

"None But Jesus"

2008-10-11T00:57:00.003-05:00

Believe me when I tell you that God is the best. He is the only One worth living for. Please hunger for Him and thirst for Him. I know that only God Himself can make you actually desire Him. I pray that He would.

"You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek.' Hide not your face from me...." (Psalm 27:8-9)

These past two weeks have tried me. I believe I am in a season of mourning and oppression. It works in cycles--God's sustaining me rather. When I hit a low, He refreshes me momentarily before the next low. I, however, during this season, do not ever reach the mountain peak, except sometimes when in corporate worship or in what people call "quiet time" with Him. Trouble hits me from all sides it seems. The burden I carry is pressing against my chest, as if to crush me from its weight. Daily I am afflicted. I think of these words from the Sons of Korah:

"My tears have been my food day and night, as they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'" (Psalm 42:3)

And from David:

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (Psalm 25:16-18)

In the same psalm he says,

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." (v. 10)

Why did the Sons of Korah and David cry out to the Lord in their trouble? They walked close with the Lord. They trusted Him and recognized that He is their Lord and their very present Help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). In this season I must love the Lord my God, obey His voice, and cling to Him, for He is my life (Deuteronomy 30:20). I had trouble with this last week. I was still trying to take care of things by my own power (what power?), and my feet were getting more and more caught up in the net. Probably gradually, God turned my heart back toward Him, and now I can say,

"My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net." (v. 15)

The thing is I don't know when my complete deliverance from this season will come. Therefore, I hope I respond like David in Psalm 27:

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (vv. 13-14)

This is hard. Whoever said Christianity is easy was dead wrong and didn't know much about Christianity. Following Christ, being faithful to Him, is grace-filled like our conversion. We cannot do it without Him! Praise God for that! The same One who shone the light of His life in our hearts also changes us from one degree of glory to another.

The Lord knows my heart's cries to Him. He has heard my weeping and groaning and hyperventilating. He is present with me through it all. I knew it as I was pouring myself out to Him two Mondays ago, and I know it now as I feel the most peace I've felt in a long while. I listened to "None But Jesus" earlier by Hillsong United, and God led me to write this blog post. I sung the words and meant them.

"... There is no One else for me, none but Jesus. Crucified to set me free, now I live to bring Him praise...."

I desperately want God. I want Him to consume me. I long for singlemindedness and wholeheartedness instead of these distractions and interruptions that continually tear at me. Praise the Lord!

Just a Blurb to Expound Upon Later

2008-09-25T15:49:00.003-05:00

The fall of year is here, for which I am excited and refreshed. This past week I've developed a healthy desire to take a walk through the woods. Time has not cooperated, so I have yet to see my desire filled. I plan to try after work this evening, though I have plenty of schoolwork to keep me occupied. I think I will take Augustine with me on my walk to the park. I will walk with him, swing with him, and, hopefully, learn from him. I will have accomplished two things at the same time by doing this.

Yesterday I had such an intense thirst for solitude--well, not complete solitude; I wanted one-on-one time with God in a quiet place, particularly outside. I wanted to get away from all distraction and noise. I only wanted to hear the birds' songs and the crickets' ceaseless rhythms and the gentle voice of the Lord by His Spirit through His Word. I sat down on a grassy hill, almost hidden from sight, drinking some of the Scriptures. It was a good time, but only for a little while. I had to concede to my evening responsibilities.

We'll see. Maybe today.

Deactivate Facebook.

2008-09-22T00:19:00.002-05:00

To inform all my friends on Facebook and anyone else who cares, I am going to deactivate my Facebook account very soon. If you need to get a hold of me, you can email me, write me, call me, comment on my blog, or--best of all--talk to me in person. Before I bring my Facebook tenure to a close, I will log everyone's contact information and birthdays into an Excel spreadsheet to create a contact list of sorts.

To answer the inevitable question, here are the reasons why I am abandoning Facebook (but not abandoning my friends):

Too popular--when things get trendy, I get out.
Superficiality--people don't have to be real on FB (it's so popular, it gets its own abbreviation); they can present whatever they want about themselves and edit their responses
Cowardice--FB is too often an excuse for someone to act like a coward. If someone doesn't have the nerve to talk to someone face to face, what does he do? He sends a FB message. In particular, I am thinking of those young men--and they are probably nice guys--who don't have the guts to talk to a girl of interest and proceed to ask her out via FB. Bad move! Trust me, guys, ladies would rather you talk to them in person about that one. I could elaborate, but I will sustain.
Lower-quality relationships--it is true that relationships on Facebook are real, though cyber; however, these relationships can never compare to person-to-person interaction--hearing someone's tone, seeing someone's facial expressions and body language, touching, and sharing material possesions. It is impersonal and much too convenient. (If you weren't on FB, how many people would tell you "happy birthday"? If people really care about your birthday, they'll congratulate you by other means, which I know requires more effort.) It is also illogical: Why would we want to decline to a lower quality of life with our friends? If people want relationships, shouldn't they strive for the best, namely, flesh and blood?
Bulding from reason #3, most of my FB friends are not actually my friends at all; they are my acquaintances, most of whom I rarely, if ever, speak to in person or online. Why would we want to deceive ourselves into thinking that we have a ton of friends when really we don't know them that well at all? How could anyone have 230 close friends?
It's a distraction and, thus, a waste of time. Think of how easy it is just to say to yourself, "I'll only be on there for a minute" and then end up being on there for a good hour or so. Really, we could do so much better with an hour than that. Not having FB around means I don't have to discipline myself about it.
Fewer emails--I will no longer have a list of emails to delete almost every time I check my inbox. (I understand that one can alter the settings for FB email notifications, but I used the emails as a way to know when to get on FB. Sometimes, even when I get an email from FB, I don't access my FB account.)
Facebook "society"--I am partially antisocial. I generally get along with everyone, whether by enjoyinng them or tolerating them, but--this may sound mean--there are some people at MBU who haven't matured yet. I don't like being around them on campus or online. Part of it is just my personality. People after a while drain me instead of energize me. I am an introvert, not an extravert.

My recent experience of FB hacking has further encouraged me to deactivate my acccount. Oh, the thought of being "disconnected from the world" is liberating! I like things simplified, and this is one step in that direction. Will anyone join me?

Let's Put the Whole Thing Off

2008-09-16T15:37:00.002-05:00

I am falling--or maybe I have fallen--into the procrastination habit. I worked hard last semester to not procrastinate, but this year I have used extensive free time to indulge myself in hardly productive activities instead of keeping my nose to the grindstone. I have a huge project due at the end of semester in one of my classes that I have not even begun. How are far are we into FA-08? Oh, five weeks! I need to--if I may resort to cliche--get my tail in gear.

I have an assignment due this Friday and another due on Monday. Have I even commenced organizing material or reading? Not at all! I do have plans, however, to go out for ice cream, lead a small group meeting, and color with some ladies while watching Disney movies. I am sure I will find time, I think to myself. Of course, I need to finish last week's reading assignment first! Do you see my dilemma? I am sure you can identify with it very easily.

Procrastination is a potentially fatal disorder plaguing college students of epic proportions. What can we do to solve this problem? Will generation after generation fall into this trap and carry it into their professional lives? Something must be done. Let us brainstorm for a moment in our efforts... but first, I need to get back to work here in EXCEL. I'll think of ideas later.

180 + Greek

2008-09-15T22:35:00.002-05:00

I've struggled with some things as of late. These struggles include anger, frustration, confusion, heartache, pity, and disappointment. My respect for certain authority figures came into question--I had so many questions. I have resolved not to release information about the circumstances themselves to the World Wide Web, and I will continue not to not share in the writing of this blog. I do, however, want to explain my current condition.

I have performed an almost 180-degree turn in my response to all that went down. I still have questions, but I think I have more answers. Even now, I want to bow my head deep and enter fervent prayer over this because of my change of heart--a change of heart that can only be credited to God. My respect for the authority figures I mentioned is restored, maybe heightened.

I horribly pre- and misjudged. I feel so sorry. I love my leaders dearly. I have come to realize my role in all this: to pray and nurture. As I was praying in the early morning hours of Sunday, words from the Psalms came to my mind, and the thought came to me that maybe that is why God is having me learn them--to share them in comforting my leaders (Oh, my heart goes out to them!) as well as my personal enjoyment of them and for His glory.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God." (Psalm 42:5-6)
________

To the second part of my post, Greek has been meaty. I like Greek class anyway, but since we have started working through Ephesians, I have gained a new appreciation for the class. I love going through Paul's letter! I am learning so much about Greek syntax and Ephesians, and I like how Dr. McClain designed the work as a group effort. Koine Greek is such a beautiful language to me, and, of course, it is the perfect language for the New Testament, as the perfect God so perfectly chose it. New Testament Greek is so much more specific than English. It has admirable nuances, and the Greek letters themselves are pleasing to the eye. Am I rambling like a mad college student? I apologize.

I encourage you to learn Greek. It is time-consuming and what I like to call "ever-present," but it is worth all the time and effort you put into it. It can enhance your Bible study. There are things in the Greek New Testament that cannot be translated into English with its full meaning intact. Also, by knowing how to parse, diagram, understand syntax, and translate, you may feel closer to God's Word. Does that sound strange? Maybe it does, but that's how it is for me.

Please pray for me as I plan to do a couple things in the near future that will make me and the people to whom I talk vulnerable and of which are a heavy burden for me. Thank you.

Giving Them Up

2008-08-24T23:14:00.007-05:00

I must say that sometimes God's workings in my life are easier to see than others. Last weekend, God used the Word, church, and Jim Elliot to show me a couple things I had been withholding from Him. It is a painful thing of which to think--I have chambers of my heart that I have not allowed God's light to penetrate. I didn't even realize it until I was sitting in a service with my head bowed and when I was sitting outside my dad's shed on a beautiful, breezy August day.

First, I was in a relationship and sensing that I could not experience the intimacy with Christ for which I longed and seek what the Lord wants me to do after graduation. After the relationship ended, my fellowship with the Lord became rich, and my delight in Him soared. The Lord began to show me things in His Word.

Second, my church family has been talking about authority lately. In last weekend's service, during our time of prayer, my pastor had us ask the question, "What have I not given to God?" The Holy Spirit pressed on me that I had not given the Lord retinitis pigmentosa. My heart broke a little. The song that was being sung fit the thoughts that I was grasping for in my mind, and I began to cry. Honest before the Lord, I told Him of my challenge in trusting Him with it (which is ludicrous), asked in advance for the help I knew I'd need to continually submit to Him in this, and gave it to Him. I told Him of how uneven the exchange is and how disgusting was the gift I was laying at His feet. Think of the love, life, grace, joy, etc., and Himself that He gives me in exchange for what?--Sin, a disease, and a fragile vessel. How uneven! [Smile] And how glorious! I was filled with joy and thankfulness at the end of my prayer. He is so gracious and merciful.

Third: I was sitting on the ramp to my dad's shed that Sunday afternoon, reading Shadow of the Almighty while my dad was building a lean-to from some material he got from our cousin. The weather was gorgeous, and I savored the sounds of the wind blowing through our huge maple and the birds singing. I read these words from Elliot to Betty (Elisabeth Elliot) while still resolved not to marry her:

"Dearest Betty, I charge you in the name of our Unfailing Friend, do away with all waverings, bewilderment, and wonder. You have bargained for a cross. Overcome anything in the confidence of your union with Him, so that contemplating trial, enduring persecution or loneliness, you may know the blessings of the 'joy set before.' 'We are the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.' And what are sheep doing going into the gate? What is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks, then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise." (Elliot 89)

After reading the first three sentences of this paragraph, I realized that I had not given marriage to God. That was one department I wanted to take care of myself. Well, Elliot was right. I had bargained for a cross. I first and foremost have a union with Christ. This union will not be broken. I am married to Christ before I will ever be married to a man. Withholding marriage or anything else from God is putting myself above Him because I am still hanging on to control. Right?

The remainder of the paragraph is also worth noting; however, I cannot think of many words to explain or expound upon what Elliot has already masterfully written. All I have is my interpretation: We are to live a life of sacrifice to God, be at His disposal for whatever He pleases, and not be all into ourselves. Sheep are dumb; even so, we must rely on our Shepherd.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Better Acquainted with Jim Elliot

2008-08-20T00:15:00.006-05:00

Last Friday I went down to Jewett to visit some friends of mine from high school before moving back up here to the STL. After lunch we went down to the St. Francois River to swim--well, they went down to swim; I opted to stay on the bank and read. As I read more of Shadow of the Almighty, the Lord showed me something of which I did not know I was guilty. The first paragraph in full of one of Jim Elliot's letters:

"He was ready to throw Christianity overboard and turn modernist, terrifically confused because of all he saw pawned off in the name of Christ. Well, I happened to run into this fellow last Tuesday, and, sensing a little of his trouble, made a date to talk with him yesterday. He thinks now that he and I are the only heretics around here, and is glad he has found such a liberal as I am who believes that a man does not have to come all at once into the family of God with a jolt and accompanying spinal exhilarations. Personally, I wasn't 'saved' all at once, but took some years coming into my present settled convictions about the truth of God. So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others? Christ healed men differently. Some, in absentia--He spoke a word, and there was a lightning-fast reaction. Others He touched, spat upon, made clay, spoke to and questioned, then when they saw men 'as trees walking' He went through the whole process again. Let not him who accepts light in an instant despise him who gropes months in shadows. It took the Twelve three years to apprehend what was being shown them. The natural, so often illustrative of the spiritual, teaches that healing and growth, yea, even birth, are processes, and I think we altar-callers often perform abortions in our haste to see 'results.'" (Elliot 78)

I identified with Elliot's process of conversion; it wasn't instantaneous for me either. Because of this, I was shocked and amazed to read the question, "So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others?" I suddenly understood. My general perspective was that people need to hear the Gospel, repent, and be saved, and that all in short increments of each other. I failed to consider that other people's conversion might take much time like mine. When I think over how the Lord's led me to Himself, it seems like slow motion.

In summary, I--and you--must remember that people are men, women, and children with minds, emotions, personalities, et cetera. The Lord will work in them as He pleases.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Getting to Know Jim Elliot

2008-08-14T19:56:00.005-05:00

I am currently reading a book about Jim Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty, for which his wife Elisabeth Elliot compiled his letter and journal excerpts. I feel like I can see into his heart. God uses Elliot's hunger for knowledge of and intimacy with God to inspire me and convict me at the same time. I want to be more diligent in the spiritual disciplines. Elliot's faith and zest for life are evident in the pages of this book. I relate to the inner struggles he expresses in his writings regarding his relationship with God and God's will, but I cannot relate at all with his boldness and confidence. I have developed a deep admiration and respect for him.

I find his handling of his relationship with "Betty" (Elisabeth Elliot) instructive--not in the sense that I should do as he did; that would be erroneous in that I am not a man but a woman. Rather it is instructive in the sense that it gives me an idea of how a man should approach a relationship of such nature. He toiled over her and exercised patience toward God. When they realized they loved each other, and while Elliot knew God was preparing him for the mission field, he "offered her up as a sacrifice" to God. He wanted to be wholly devoted to Christ.

This is more evident in Chapter 6, in which he expressed a sell-out attitude. He felt intensely driven to the field. Things became black and white for him. This was after he had written repeatedly about the Lord's leading.

I have much more to read, but I already feel sure of recommending this book. If you choose to read it, note it is important to read the introduction and prologue. You will realize Elisabeth's heart in her work and learn a bit more about Jim Elliot.

A Whole New World and a Deepened Admiration

2008-06-21T03:00:00.005-05:00

I finished reading a few articles about linguistics, specifically neuro- and psycholinguistics. I had never heard of these research endeavors before this evening, when I ran across them via a scholarship opportunity on Fastweb. I am fascinated by this world of biology and psychology that I have newly discovered. One of the most interesting articles dealt with lexical functional grammar (LFG).

This summer, God seems to be showing me a side of Him in much greater detail, creating in me much greater awe. I am three weeks in to my summer classes, meteorology and biology. They both require a considerable amount of reading. In meteorology, I read about how small visible light is (think micrometers) and about how an average of 4.6 million pounds of air pressure push against our roofs from the outside.* In biology, I read about buffers in our bodies that keep our pH balance around 7.4 and that we'd die if our pH ever reached 7.0 or 7.8. So what am I saying? The side of God I am talking about is his gracious acts of creativity and sustaining life.

Think about the knowledge involved in the sciences. The neurolinguists and psycholinguists I read about must be well informed in multiple disciplines in order to study the brain's activity regarding language. God created the brain, language, and the scientists who study them. Think of how intelligent God must be. God in His omniscience created all of life in its complexity that mankind is striving to figure out in our limited--comparatively paltry--knowledge.

I was sitting on the tailgate of our truck overlooking the field and thinking about how God made everything interact just right to sustain life. God knew exactly what conditions were required for you and me to inhale and exhale continuously and knew just what to include in a cell to enable it to recycle the materials it uses. Did you know higher than we can see in the atmosphere a layer of chemicals shields most of the UV and virtually all of the X-ray and gamma radiation from reaching the lower atmosphere and killing us? God arranged everything so-so, just the way He wanted it.

I am in awe of God the more and more I learn about the world He created. So many things could exterminate us, but you and I are still here. We can thank God for that. He is so gracious.**

*You may be wondering why our roofs don't collapse. It because the air pressure inside a house is equal to the air pressure outside it. Since air pressure exerts force in all directions, the amount of pressure against the roof is equalized to zero from air pressing down on it and air pressing up on it.
**These last few thoughts follow John Piper's line of thinking in his message "Don't Waste Your Life." You can listen to or read this message by downloading it free here, or you can purchase or read online the book Don't Waste Your Life here.

Prayer Request

2008-06-05T01:52:00.003-05:00

Please pray for my sister. She is going through a hard time in her life. She is very busy working three jobs and taking a six-week Greek class. (For those of you unfamliar with Greek classes, they are very intense and have a heavy load. She will be learning what I learned in about 32 weeks in six weeks.) One of the companies she works for is Bath & Body Works. Their semi-annual sale is huge, and she is scheduled to work every available time she gave her boss(es). She is not getting much rest also. On top of all this, she is going through a desert spiritually. She is in a season in her life in which she feels far from God, and it worries her.

Again, please pray for her. Stress is overwhelming her. Pray that God will break her heart, if needed, and that His strength will empower her as she is weak. Pray that she will give her burdens to her Father and that she will trust what she knows is true during the spiritual desert in her life. Thank you very much for your prayers. God will bring her through this, even if it gets worse before it gets better, and He won't forget His daughter. Suffering produces endurance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-4).

The Agony of Online Summer Classes

2008-06-05T01:24:00.002-05:00

My summer so far has been rather quiet. I've spoke before of adjusting to living without a roommate or suitemates in the dorms, and that I've been working in the office instead of relaxing at home. Well, it all must come to an end eventually, doesn't it?

Well, it just did. Technically, it's still quiet, but it's not slow. My two online eight-week summer classes started this past Monday, and [whew!] are they intense! To stay on track, I need to read two chapters a week in each class. One of the classes is biology with a lab. My teacher informed me at the orientation today that the virtual labs can take up to two hours sometimes. Gross! Reading for biology takes me a while because I am taking notes on my computer as I read. I plan to comprehensively study my notes each week, so I can hopefully be adequately prepared and do well on the infamous, arduous tests.

Though I was more excited about my meteorology class than biology, I've found that I enjoy reading my biology textbook better than my meteorlogy one. I need to be reading the rest of Chapter 2 in my meteorology book right now, but I am so tired that reading sends me to sleep. (This is the agony part.) I am horrible when it comes to reading and not falling asleep. I used to be even worse than horrible, but I've improved some in the past year. It helps if I am not worn from the day when I open the book. Strange thing: I can read fiction with hardly a problem, but nonfiction simply kills me. My interest level in the subject doesn't seem to make a difference.

I am trying to be diligent in my studies though. I've read the first chapter of my biology book and over one and a half chapters of Weather Studies, and I've taken my first quiz for meteorology. The thing is I won't have much time to read tomorrow or Friday because I'm moving back home Friday. It'll all shake out though; I trust the Lord will work things out. I remember many times my freshman year circumstances looked bleak when it came to meeting assignment deadlines, but I'd pray for God's mercy and see what He'd do, and He'd open up more time for me that I normally wouldn't have. Believe me, trusting God with your schoolwork is the best thing you can do for your academic life and for yourself (like in dealing with stress). Don't misunderstand me, though, that doesn't mean you can procrastinate all you want and then expect God to get your homework done to turn in the next day. However, He is merciful and faithful.

So, if you plan on taking on summer classes at the college level anytime soon, remember to stay on top of things and read, read, READ! Read everything--the syllabus, all announcements online, assignments and their due dates, and, of course, your textbook! Try doing all that reading when you're fully conscious too; you'll comprehend much more that way and accomplish your work more efficiently.

"Dance the Night Away"

2008-05-13T02:56:00.003-05:00

I am a closet dancer. It's 2:57 in the morning, and I just finished dancing to the first six songs on the second disc of The Essential Elvis Presley. I don't like to dance in public unless it is with someone, but when God is my only audience I like dancing very much. My style is typically interpretive dance, but with Elvis songs it varies. I am not a good dancer, but I have been told I have good rhythm. Dancing is not only fun but also a good source of exercise. It makes me feel good afterward. So the next time you're up around 3:00 A.M., just think I may be up dancing to "Viva Las Vegas."

What's Up

2008-05-12T14:57:00.002-05:00

School is over, students have moved out of the dorms, and MBU staff is getting half-days off on Fridays. However, I'm still living in the dorms, preparing for a couple summer classes, and not working at all on Fridays.

My roommate Katie moved out this past Friday after staying for track. I must say that she had about three times the possessions I have in the room, so when she left the room became almost empty. Sounds echo now in the room.

Since I carried over my items from the apartment to the dorm, most of them are black, white, or red--that was the color scheme of my room in the apartment. I have a black comforter, black basket, black trash can, black TV, white microwave, black frame encompassing a black and white photo of Elvis, and a black poster of The Phantom of the Opera that I got at the Fox. My splash of color: a red Busch Stadium pennant. With the exception of a few items and what is in my drawers and closet, that is all I have in my room.

Besides adjusting the the "new" room, I've had to adjust to the ghost town atmosphere. Especially down Dink Marler and at the dorms, there just isn't many people around! My social life primarily consists of coworkers and office neighbors at work. I like them though, so I'm cool with that. :)

Anyway, since the letting out of school I've been living a much quieter and solitary life. It makes me look forward to going home on the weekends much more. As a side note, I've noticed that I appreciate and enjoy my parents more than usual these past three weeks.

That's all for now.

My Little Keepsake

2008-05-07T02:09:00.005-05:00

I have an emotional attachment to My Little Golden Book About God. If you're not familiar, it is one of many small, hardcover books by Little Golden Books. Little Golden Books started in 1942, when the average cost of one of its books was 25 cents. Now the average cost is $2.99--still an excellent bargain. Its books are among the most popular children's books of all time. Rachel and I had two or three of these books growing up. In fact, we still have them. They're in my closet at home. My Little Golden Book About God by author and illustrator Eloise Wilkin is one of them. I remember the back cover and maybe the last page or two are missing. It is not special to me because my mom used to read it to me at night or because I stared at the pictures obsessively. It is special to me because it's sweet, and it takes me back to simple, pleasant times. I adore the front cover's illustration. The little girl has blonde hair just like Rachel and me. Little Golden Books teaches values; it's important to instill values while a child is young. I was reading about Little Golden Books on its web site and looking at all their books. I've decided I want to read Little Golden Books stories to my children.

Photo from Little Golden Books

Thank You, Food Service Consultants!

2008-04-08T00:56:00.003-05:00

You know, not many people have good things to say about the cafe food. Some just don't like it. Others actually like the food but like to make fun of it even more. No matter how you slice it, it's the rear of many jokes on campus.

Not from me though! I like cafe food. Mmm! Call me crazy, but more times than not I am satisfied and have a full tummy. Sometimes I wonder if people are just too picky, whether it's the new glass dishware and silverware, the food selection, or the taste of the food (not that I expect a person to like everything our Food Service Consultants whip up). I do see a place where complaints over the food may be necessary--don't misunderstand me--but seriously, can we be thankful for the food we're eating in the cafe? Especially dorm students, can we be thankful for the "free" food we're eating? I like just getting my student I.D. scanned and not forking out money. I also like not having to prepare the food or clean after myself.

I say a hearty THANK YOU! to the Food Service Consultants and to those on the food committee. Thank you for putting thought into our meals, preparing our meals, cleaning our dishes, providing our drinks--and let's not exclude the ice cream machine!--and having a smile, at least part of the time. If I didn't have the cafe, I'd be living off of microwable food, snacks, and smoothies from the Perk all year long. Not only would that mean more money output, but it also would mean less substance input. I'd have to say, a girl needs substance on a regular basis. The closest I have to that at my dorm is vegetable beef soup. Do I hear an "amen"?

Consider My Words

2008-04-02T00:13:00.008-05:00

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

"You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34

Today it seemed the more I talked the more I made a mess of things. I'm learning more and more how my words hurt others. Some of you may be suprised to hear I am having a problem with my tongue because you rarely hear me speak, but do believe me, I do speak more often than I should sometimes, and I do tear down rather than build up at times.

I've been thinking frequently about the power of my words to destroy. I need to discipline my tongue. I think it is evidence of a heart problem. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." What is in my heart?

I am sure if I ask God to search my heart and reveal the condition of my heart to me, His Spirit will help me through His Word.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

I'd like to be like the man in Psalm 15:

[1] O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent?
Who shall dwell on your holy hill?
[2] He who walks blamelessly
and does what is right
and speaks truth in his heart;
[3] who does not slander with his tongue
and does no evil to his neighbor,
nor takes up a reproach against his friend;
[4] in whose eyes a vile person is despised,
but who honors those who fear the Lord;
who swears to his own hurt and does not change;
[5] who does not put out his money at interest
and does not take a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things shall never be moved.

As a member of the body of Christ, my words should build up believers in Christ and shine Christ's light to unbelievers. As with any such problem, I must make an active effort. Passivity never solved anything. Furthermore, consistency is crucial. The last thing I need is to let my flesh gain power after making some progress. Understand me that I am not alone in my efforts--indeed, I can in no way "put to death the deeds of the body" in my own power. Romans 8:13 says, "...if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." God provides supernatural strength when I am weak (2 Corinthians 12:10).

If you're battling your flesh (which most likely you are, since your flesh is ever-present and ready to raise its ugly head), I encourage you to keep fighting in the faith of Jesus Christ with prayer and the Word of God. We can become more like Christ and less like our old selves together!

I look forward to the Day when the battles are all over, don't you?

Other Scriptures:

"My heart became hot within me. As I mused, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:" Psalm 39:3

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble." Proverbs 21:23

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21

All Scriptures taken from the English Standard Version.

Recap

2008-03-26T23:35:00.004-05:00

Yes, once again I have not written in a while. I believe this is the longest span of time I have gone without posting. I need not further iterate that I am a slacker, however. Really, I should htink better of myself.

Much has happened since I last posted, naturally. February was an exciting month. First was the Give Me an Answer 2008 conference at Southern Seminary called Immortal Combat. Due to sleep deprivation, I was half-asleep during the entire conference, but of what I heard in the sessions, it was very good. Plus, we ate Chick-fil-A. I got to hang out with my sister at her apartment one night, and we skipped the last breakout session to hang out as well (during which I drunk vitamin water in an effort to wake up). Traveling with John and our friend Mark was fun too.

The day after we got back from Louisville, John and I (with 14 other Mobapeans) went to Herrin, IL, for a visitation in regards to a dear friend of ours. We all took him out to eat at Steak 'N' Shake and had a good time.

The week of Valentine's Day and the weeks leading up to it, I had the opportunity to help my cousin Shawn propose to his current fiancee. He lives in Arkansas and wanted to propose to her in private in St. Louis, so I was his logical contact. My roommate and my boyfriend helped me with the shopping and the decorating. Shawn and I discussed what the hotel room was to look like, what music was to play, how he was to get the keys, and what lies he had fed his girlfriend to keep it all secret. It was so much fun planning, lying (I know, that's bad.), and decorating! Shawn said the proposal went excellently, and I had the privilege of riding down to Fredericktown with the couple the next day. They will be married June 28th, Lord willing. Congratulations!

My Valentine's Day experience was unlike any other I've had. It is the first time I've had a boyfriend during the holiday, so that in itself provides a big enough difference. It lasted three days for John and me. Wednesday, the 13th, we went to the West County mall to get our pictures taken by The Picture People. We used a coupon John had printed from the Internet for a free 8X10 and a sheet of Valentine's Day wallets. The Picture People are fast, fun, and modern (check out their awesome computer monitors). Plus, we received our pictures hot off the printer a half hour after our sitting! On Thursday, actual Valentine's Day, John took me to McAlister's Deli--I dare say, one of my favorite places to eat--and John tried their awesome food and tea for the first time. Friday, John helped me decorate the hotel room and pull off the huge lie (an accomplice!). Before we left the room to give Shawn the keys, John switched out the CD with his own, on which he burned "Love Me Tender." I had told him that I wanted to dance with him to that song, so that is what we did. I'll write it for you: Awwww!! It was very special.

Rachel came home to visit the weekend after Shawn. That was special too. Aw, I love my sister!

Fast-forwarding to March, as fickle for me as the weather: Madness is surely not confined to NCAA. For my family and me, this month has been up and down. It begins on a high note--John's birthday! Then he came to visit the weekend spring break began and visited my church family for the first time!

Also that Saturday, my mom's foot started hurting, and she began to have a fever and chills that night. (This was after she received a positive report on her foot the week before.) Early the week of spring break my mom went to the doctor, and someone took a culture of the inside of her foot. She had an MRI that Friday, from which she found out that infection is in the bone. That is very serious. Her doctor admitted her into the hospital for a few days the following Monday. She returned home the Thursday before Easter and is now using an IV and can administer her medicine herself.

Besides my mom being out from pain killers during my week off, a mixture of good and bad circumstances shaped my spring break. It was by far not what I hoped it to be, but it honestly could have been worse (as circumstances always can be). Family tension was the cause of most of my ill emotions, not to mention my own disappointment in break being rather uneventful in regards to happy, exciting activities. Mom's birthday was on Thursday. The latter end of my break was especially painful, but I will spare you the highly personal details that would cost the dignity of beloved family to share and possibly expose them to criticism and consequential embarrassment.

Easter followed spring break. If you could hear the tone in my head as I write you would catch the happy exclamation with which I consider Easter. I was so excited for its coming! In the Hovis family, Easter is one of the two biggest holidays (Thanksgiving being the other one). We all get together at my uncle's house and eat, talk, and maybe even nap. This year, and for three years running, we had a wedding shower. Shawn and Megan's shower went very well. I got to ride to and from St. Louis with my sister and go to church with her, so that was great! On the way down, we got to spend extensive time together because we were in traffic for over an hour and a half on I-270 and Highway 40. Flooding, lanes closed, merging... [Sigh}

This week, I have relaxed better than usual though I haven't been sleeping well. It could possibly be because I have interrupted my sleeping pattern with hilarious dorm life. Tuesday night, after my roommate Katie and a friend of ours Kasia, who lives on our hall, exchanged lame comebacks and wrestled around midnight, Kasia and I watched an episode of The Office online then decorated the room with letters, stories, and post-its for Katie to find in the morning. Katie woke up at some point and eventually started laughing while Kasia was labeling her body parts. We labeled several items throughout the room and stuffed every shoe with an "I love you" post-it. He, he, he... we're proud of our work. I went to bed that night a little after four in the morning and got up at a quarter after twelve in the afternoon.

The next night, I "stole" Kasia's phone, and for a while she was very much concerned about where it was. I replanted it in the hall where it had originally fallen out of her pocket. She saw it and quickly put it together that I had put it there. I never openly admitted that it was me, but I did tell her to check her tone settings. That night I turned in at a much better one-thirty. I kept waking up during the night though and couldn't seem to get comfortable, so when I awoke at eight I was terribly tired. It is my habit of hitting snooze until 8:30, but instead of getting up at 8:30 for class when I should, I fell back asleep... Oops. I awoke again a little before nine, knowing that I'd for sure be late for class then, and decided to sleep in and actually rest. I finally got up around 10:35.

My theory is that I am not sleeping recooperatively because my sleeping is inconsistent, and I was not active over Easter and need to expend energy through physical activity. Therefore, today John and I went on a beautiful walk down Conway Road. It rained, but that's okay. I thoroughly enjoyed the warmer temperature (until it started raining and got cold), the plentiful bird songs, the elaborate houses, and, of course, John. Afterward, we talked to Dr. McClain, head of Religion, Ms. Fuquay, English professor and Director of EXCEL (my boss's boss), and Lisa Hessel, who works in PR. We had a nice, relaxing afternoon together.

Now the semester is winding down, papers and tests are piling up, baseball is starting, Lost is on break for five weeks (sad), and I am no longer living in long johns. I really do like spring.

I Went Walking in a Winter Wonderland!

2008-01-31T16:09:00.000-06:00

It's snowing!

No, it's not the first time it's snowed this winter here in St. Louis, but this is the first time I've been up here for an actual winter storm this year. The last time STL got over six inches of snow, I was down in Fredericktown.

The snow came around noon. After Chapel, I went to lunch and then to work. My boss was just about to leave when I got there and she instructed me to go back to my dorm where it's warm and safe. And so I did. But before I got all comfy in my lounge pants, I headed back outside to take some pictures of the campus for all of you. How nice of me...

Pillsbury Huff parking lot around 1:30 p.m.

The way it has worked out, by my not getting to go home this weekend and all, I will have lived in St. Louis for a consecutive month after next
weekend. (I am going to Louisville next weekend

for "Immortal Combat," the Give Me an Answer 2008 Conference at Southern Seminary,

where I will get to see my sister!) That's a while for me
because I return home most weekends to see my parents and go to and help out with church. I was supposed to help out with the preschoolers in church this weekend, but it looks like that isn't going to happen. Instead, lo and behold, I am going to a wedding. A couple my sister is better acquainted with than myself will marry at FBC-Fenton this Saturday. John and I will attend.

Everyone stay warm! Thank God for the heat and shelter we have.

Switch It Up!

2008-01-21T01:04:00.000-06:00

Exciting news! My roommate and I have rearranged our dorm room for this semester. It's pretty cool, I must say; Katie is so creative! We are going to add fun decor in the near future, and I plan on tidying up my "loose ends" as far as organization goes. I would like to share the finished product with you, for I am sure you'll like it!

Doing creative things with your pre-furnished room is one of the fun parts about living on campus. Having an awesome roommate helps--which I have--and making the most of your space. Did I mention that it is "free" space? I put the word free in quotations because it technically is added onto a student's account as room and board, but my schooling is paid for. I have the pleasure of not having to write out a check for rent each month like I'd have to if I lived in an apartment.

Dormitories have their pros and cons like just about anything else. Right now, I am very much enjoying the pros, too much to even care about the cons.

"As Unto the Lord"

2008-01-16T00:58:00.000-06:00

Well, here I am, up too late again. I ate almost a whole bag of Peanut M&M's late this afternoon, and then around 10 or so, I had a vanilla yogurt and Reese's concrete from Oberweis, which a friend on my hall delivered to me while I was taking my online Greek quiz. All the sugar gave me a bundle of energy that I released through dancing while talking to my boyfriend on the phone. I still need to shower and clean my teeth. Let me tell you, I will most likely feel tired in my classes tomorrow.

I am a strong believer in multi-tasking. Though concerning some things I am a terrible multi-tasker, I like to try to efficiently use my time. It is normal for me to talk on the phone, use IM, listen to music, and take a Greek quiz simultaneously. Even right now, I am writing this post, listening to Francis Chan (his message from Passion '07), and talking to my friend Scott on IM.

You might think that this is a great way for me to get ahead. Before now, I might have agreed with you. However, I must suggest this idea to you: What if all this multi-tasking is really inefficient time management? In other words, how much quality effort could I actually invest in each activity unless I do them in isolation from all the other ones?

I am not sure what the answer to these questions is for me. This is because of my motive in doing several things at once. Yes, it does save time, but another reason I have other things going on while taking quizzes is for the sake of "needing" to have something else going on. My mom is the same way. I have the ability to only take the quiz, but I usually prefer to have some sort of accompaniment.

I still wonder, though, whether the quality of my work suffers. I should give 100 percent to whatever I am doing. I should do everything as unto the Lord, the Scriptures instruct. Hmm... when I think of doing something unto the Lord, I imagine myself devoting undivided attention toward an activity, doing it to the best of my ability, and relying on Christ.

I am thinking I should power down.

Joy from God by the Holy Spirit and the Little Book of Colossians

2008-01-02T01:25:00.000-06:00

Okay, that special treat I promised you will have to wait another post. I wanted to write something really quick while it is still sort of January 1st.

Last night, I was feeling blue after having been inside too long and bored. I started thinking thoughts like, What I am I doing here? What's the purpose of all this? I picked up my Bible, and as I was opening it I said a quick prayer to God that was packed with sincerity and desperateness. I asked Him to show me my purpose, my worth, the fact that I wasn't just killing time and nothing more during Christmas break and the rest of my life... and He showed me. Boy, did He show me.

Considering the state I was in, it made sense to me to look up faithfulness and related words in the concordance. My search brought me to Colossians 1:23, found under faith. I read the passage containing the verse and was filled with joy. I kept reading--the same passage and passages after it until I stopped somewhere in Chapter 3. I loved it! God knew just what I needed to read. It wasn't just words on paper, however. It was--and is--alive! God literally showed me the answer to my prayer and so encouraged me that He filled me with increasing joy through the Holy Spirit. The Word is the living Word.

Paul starts out in Colossians 1:15 painting a beautiful picture of Christ in His preeminence. Then he addresses me about faithfulness. He moves on to talk about the joy he himself has in suffering, just as Christ rejoiced in His suffering. Finally, in Chapter 3, he writes of our life in Christ and taking on our new identity, which is Christ Himself.

This is what God showed me about faithfulness to Christ:

"[21] And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, [22] he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,"--and now the part that got me, the answer--"[23] if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister."

Another part that stood out to me was verses 28 and 29, where Paul is talking about his ministry: "Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."

Also note 2:6-7: "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving."

In Chapter 3, God provided me a remedy, rather a preventive, for my troubles. "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth" (vv. 1-2).

You just have to read it. All of it. Colossians is an incredible book of the Bible. It's four chapters, so it's short, and the amount of time it takes to read depends on God and the reader. I'll make it very easy for you. Just click here.

You may have read Colossians before, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it again. I've read Colossians 1 before, but this time when I read it, heart open desperate for an answer, it was fresh, as if I had never read it before. It was illumination by the Holy Spirit. I need to "keep on keeping on."

Praise God for His faithfulness!... And His love, grace, patience, joy, kindness, compassion, wisdom, knowledge, good will, justice, humor, majesty, power...

Christmas Break

2007-12-30T10:14:00.000-06:00

Week 3 of my Christmas Break has just begun. I would have to say that I am not as eager to return to school as I was last year. The longer I am down here, the more I want to stay in the country where space and quietness are at their peak. I have finished one of the two books I had set out to complete. My sister came to visit over Christmas, which is definitely a highlight of my break. This past week was rough though. I've cried more than I have in months, mostly during an anxiety attack Christmas morning that left me feeling ill the rest of the day. Family stresses and not registering for an online biology class in time were the other culprits in dampening the holiday season. I am learning I need to adamently claim my rights as a child of God and not let such circumstances get me down.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God." Psalm 42:5-6, 11

I have a special treat for my next post. He, he, he. Happy New Year, everyone!

1 Timothy 4:6-16

2007-12-13T01:24:00.000-06:00

6 If you put these things before the brothers, you will be a good servant of Christ Jesus, being trained in the words of the faith and of the good doctrine that you have followed. 7 Have nothing to do with irreverent, silly myths. Rather train yourself for godliness; 8 for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. 9 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance. 10 For to this end we toil and strive, [2] because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people, especially of those who believe.

11 Command and teach these things. 12 Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 13 Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. 14 Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. 15 Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. 16 Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers. (copied from ESV's website)

I read this passage twice recently, and it encouraged me a great deal in regards to my life group. Though it seems as though my leadership in the group is a small thing, I know that God has given it to me. Verses 12-14 meant a lot to me especially. Being only twenty, I know how it is to not be looked upon as having any wisdom or insight. When Paul says "let no one despise you for your youth," he is saying to let our behaviors exemplify Christ by "[setting] the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity" (v. 12). Even if we aren't supported (not that I am not supported), we can persist in our ministry knowing that God has given it to us and so will enable us.

Spur of the Moment...

2007-11-16T12:41:00.000-06:00

I am finishing up my lunch break and thinking about something new--or maybe something old that I've forgotten.

The past couple days I have been stressed to what I think is near my limit. I feel as though I am mentally exhausted. For about a third of the semester, beginning around mid-term, I slacked. Now, I am paying the price of my bad decisions. I have three papers due in my theology class (two of which are book reports), a research paper in my cross-cultural class (for which I am going to turn in the rsearch paper I wrote in English Comp. II to alleviate some anxiety), a paper over a cultural activity for World Literary Types (for which I am going to tweak the cultural activity paper I wrote for my cross-cultural class earlier this semester), and an audio script for my final exam in Writing for Audio and Video. Package all that with my ever-present Greek work--which I forecast to become the ever-present "thorn in my side"--and you have one stressed out university sophomore.

Then this moment came. I was sitting at a desk in the EXCEL Office, where I work, with my head resting on my arms. I was thinking yet again how stressed out I am, and then that something new--or something old forgotten--passed in my mind. Paraphrased, "You're looking at your circumstances too much. You need to look at God, and you'll circumstances will shrink." I gazed upon the beauty and glory of Christ, and, indeed, the looming assignments did shrink to normal size. The stress is here in me right now as I write, however; but I do not feel as though a wire in my mind is going to snap from the pressure anymore.

Afterward, I thought realized something else--something equally profound if not more: I am writing a paper in theology about Knowing God (J.I. Packer) in which I wrote that knowing God is everything--it is the most important thing we can do--and here I am stressing uncontrallably as if there is no God in heaven. He is beautiful and the only One who ultimately matters. It is so easy to distract ourselves with meaningless problems of this world, but if we really know God--if I really know God--why bother distracting ourselves in the first place? He is so infinitely marvelous that how could we ever take our eyes off Him? Our attention off Him? Nothing else is worth more of our time, energy, life... However, the truth is, that as long as we live on this earth, we are going to distract ourselves because we are made of flesh and blood, and we constantly battle our human nature. When you really contemplate it--perhaps it is not so much a hidden understanding but an obvious one we Christians take for granted--without Christ, we'd be worse than dirt. Before Christianity, we don't even want God or His ways. How dare we! God, who is holy and glorious, is the only One who is good (Mark 10:18), and we don't give Him the time of day.

So, I'm sure that after redirecting my thoughts and reprioritizing, I will be much better off.

Thank You, Intro to Cross-Cultural Communication!

2007-10-06T15:44:00.000-05:00

Sometimes a class that is easy to take for granted will prove itself worthwhile. Such is the case with my Intro to Cross-Cultural Communication class with Mr. Killebrew. I took it because it is a general education requirement, and it had potential to enrich my interest in world cultures. Indeed it did.

The mid-term assignment was to engage in a cross-cultural activity and write about it. For my cross-cultural activity, I went with my "cross-cultural buddy," Eden, who is from China, to St. Louis Chinese Lutheran Church. I was already interested in Chinese culture, but this experience made me want to go to China and immerse myself in its culture more than ever. Chinese people are beautiful and precious. I appreciate Eden and her willingness to let me tag along with her, her friends, and family for the celebration of the Chinese moon cake festival on Saturday and the church service on Sunday.

While I was working on my mid-term paper I thought of the idea of having Eden teach me Chinese. I postponed my work to send her an email about it. Shortly after, she wrote back saying she'd like to. I was so excited! I want to be able to read and write in Chinese, and God has given me the opportunity through Eden to do them. I believe I will go to China someday, and learning the language could be preparation for my trip.

MBU is offering a Chinese class some time. Because I am taking baby Greek (Elementary Koine I), I do not think it would be wise for me to take the course. If you would like to learn the Chinese language, however, contact Dr. Han, Humanities chair and English professor, for more information.

I am so thankful for the experience and the encouragement to learn more about heritage and cultures from Intro to Cross-Cultural Communication. I think it is Mr. Ray Killebrew's best class. I can honestly say that learning about a particular culture is best done by experiencing the culture yourself.

What Has Happened?!

2007-10-04T22:49:00.000-05:00

I have not blogged for over a month! My apologies to my devoted blog fans. I have become busy, but that is no excuse. Has busyness ever stopped me before? No! I have been quite tired many times that I've thought about posting, but that again is no excuse. Have I been tired before before writing? Yes! I pledge this day that neither tiredness nor busyness shall hinder me from my grand, privileged duty to serve my beloved audience and to make my opnions and experiences known!

Anyway, now that I've got 100 percent lameness out of me, allow me to attempt to fill you in on what's happened since September 1st and fail.

...

Well, it seems much has happened. Next week is mid-term--man, has the time flown by! School is school; I don't have much to say about it except that I am taking baby Greek, a class I've wanted to take since about my junior year of high school.

...

Yeah, academics definitely isn't at the top of my priority list anymore. I like the new freedom I have from feeling "enslaved" by my studies. It is an answer to a prayer. Hmm, what are some more important things?...

My Relationship with God

I'll be late for class almost anytime on account of Chapel. (This semester, it is World Literary Types I'd be late for. Sorry, Dr. Han!) I count any spiritual thing that could happen in Chapel more important than school, so if I have the opportunity to continue praising God after students are dismissed, I will most likely take it. Another example of my relationship with God being more important than academics is that I give my religion classes priority over my other classes.

My Relationship with John

Yep, I esteem John over academics. That's a no-brainer, right? Usually, if you find John, you will find me.

My Relationships with Other People

I have come to learn that people are very important. In fact, they are most important after God. People are interesting, diverse, enjoyable, sometimes captivating, and loved by God. They should be loved by people too. ;)

Sleep

Yes, unfortunately, sleep sometimes takes priority over academics. Most of time, it takes it accidentally.

...

What has happened over the past month? I continue to grow in Christ and grow closer to John. Both of these actions have manifested themselves in different ways. John adds more and more pictures to our photo album on Facebook as evidence.

This is so bad. The only thing I can think of in particular is my birthday. The Wednesday before my birthday on September 22, John surprised me with a trip to the Laumeier Sculpture Park, a picnic at the park with food from The Perk, and a copy of The Count of Monte Cristo, my favorite novel. My favorite part of the park was the Nature Walk. Though it was a hot day, it was still beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time we got to spend together. On my birthday, my parents took me to the Olive Garden in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, where my sister surprised me with a visit. I also received my gifts there. After eating, we all went shopping. It was inside Target that I listened to a voicemail from John in which he, Katie (my roommate), Clayton, and maybe others sung "Happy Birthday" to me. I loved it. The last segment of my birthday occurred Sunday evening when I arrived at my dorm room. Katie told me "happy birthday" when I entered and had balloons tied to the end of my bed and a chocolate cake and a card sitting on my bed. Mmm! The cake was delicious, and the card was cute! Katie is a wonderful roommate, by the way.

...

Well, that is my terrible attempt to recapitulate what has happened in the past month. I may throw in more details in future posts.

A Summary (or perhaps, A Conclusion of "Change")

2007-09-01T20:27:00.000-05:00

I am two weeks into the fall-'07 semester and could not feel further from myself. Never have I gone through several changes at once like I have this August. Somewhere in the midst of these changes I have lost my familiar self.

My sister, as you probably know, moved to Indiana August 9. That was an emotional time for me and many others. I am experiencing life without my sister for the first time in a long while. I am adjusting.

The first day of classes here at MBU was August 20. Coming to terms with the reality of summer break at its close is a big enough switch... but it gets bigger. I worked with my new boss for the first time August 20 as well. She's pretty cool. I knew her as a friend, through my sister, before she became my boss. We are getting along great!

Since the 20th, I have lived in the North Hall dorms on campus. My roommate, Katie, is awesome, and we have much in common. My suitemates are from the Bahamas. That's pretty cool. The food in the cafeteria is surprisingly tasty. (Don't pay attention to the negative reports that commonly go out about MBU's cafe food.) I get my wanted and needed walks in from walking to and from the main part of campus almost every day. I usually enjoy the walks because Dink Marler's pretty, especially with *NICE* weather. Also from living on campus, my social life has increased, making it difficult to leave the cafe at suppertime to work on homework or clean. I enjoy my circle of friends.

The most drastic affect of moving to the dorms (hence the separate paragraph) is the increase of quality time I have with a particular gentleman--I am sure if you are one of my on-campus readers you know who it is. News of our relationship status is spreading like wildfire, so my reserve in mentioning it via my blog has declined. This major change possesses so many sub-changes and details that I could write a post devoted wholly to it.

The last major change is in church service. My previous posts called "Change," parts 1-3, explain the events surrounding this one.

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster, full of good and painful experiences. Throughout most of it, I feel as though I am, to some extent, going through the motions of living. I do not recognize myself inside. I have lost some confidence; I am a little unsure. I truly believe that this semester will bring more new things--good things. I am not going to be the same, maybe never again.

I hope the MBU students, new and returning, are having a great semester so far! Keep it up! I remember you in my prayers to God and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Change, Part 3

2007-08-13T23:56:00.000-05:00

The situation, like I said in "Change, Part 2," is not all bad. Saturday night was the first example.

Example #2:
James 1:2-4 says, "[2]Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, [3]because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. [4]Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (NIV).

Example #3:
Moving to the dorms is exciting because I will meet my roommate, decorate/arrange a room again, and only have about a ten-minute walk to the main part of campus.

Example #4:
My dad and I may have a much better relationship when this season is over.

Example #5:
The rest of my family and my friends are supportive and caring.

Example #6:
This situation has got me thinking about changing my focus from only serving with my church family to serving in all of life with my life intentionally.

See, it's not all bad. I am not drowning; my head is still well above water. I am the sort of person who writes through the trials. It is how I release, I guess you could say. Yes, it is personal, but that is why it is perfect to blog about. If I just wrote about it and kept it to myself, no one could benefit from it except myself. By posting it on this blog, YOU can read it, identify with it, and know you're not alone. I am not quite as audacious as you might think. When I write for this blog, I do not consider what my audience is going to think--or perhaps more accurately, I have nothing to hide only words to write. I figure since I write honestly, why not post it? When you read my posts, I guess you see my heart.

A Devotional

2007-08-13T17:02:00.000-05:00

I received this devotional from Prime Time With God via email and found it helpful:

Reflecting His Glory
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman

They will tell of the glory of Your kingdom and speak of Your might, so that all men may know of Your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom. - Psalm 145:11-12

How do you measure your effectiveness in God, or should you even be thinking like this? The early Church turned the world upside down in that first century. What made them so effective? Was it their theology? Was it great preaching? Was it due to one man's influence apart from Jesus?

The Scriptures are clear as to what made the early Church effective. It is at the core of God's heart, and it is quite simple. God desires to reflect His nature and power through every individual. When this happens, the world is automatically changed because those who reflect His glory affect the world.

We serve a jealous God. He is a God who will not share His glory with anyone. God sets up situations in order to demonstrate His power through them. He has done this since the day He created man. His desire is to reflect His glory through you and me, so that all men may know of His mighty acts and the glorious splendor of His Kingdom (emphasis added).

The apostle Paul understood this principle: "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power" (1 Cor. 2:4-5).

If you do not see His glory being reflected through your life, then you need to ask why. He has promised to do so if we will walk in obedience to His commands (emphasis added).

Change, Part 2

2007-08-13T16:21:00.001-05:00

My response to my dad's command would have been different if he had spoken from a selfless motive. However, his reasons for my quitting the team revolved around himself. He did not express that he was speaking on behalf of my well-being, and he did not inquire about how much I enjoyed sound or how important it was to me. He was not concerned with Meadow Heights losing a tech team member, thinking someone else could simply replace me. His motives did not communicate value just as not listening or trying to change my personality.

Maybe I am taking the whole thing too personally because I just painted a pretty bad picture of him. There you have it though. To me, a loving Christian parent would think of what is best for his child in this situation and would want his child to serve in church. I think he does have good intentions, but I misinterpret them because of his doctrinal differences with the church. Hmm... I'm not sure.

I knew I was not being patient with him Friday night, and I remembered that the upcoming message was "Love is Patient." Perfect! Believe me, it was perfect. I listened to the message about three times. (We have five gatherings a weekend.) I listenend and prayed about becoming slow to anger. I was in such a good mood on the way home Saturday night. I meditated on the sermon notes/Scriptures and put what I had learned into practice once I arrived home. My interaction with Dad has not been the same since; it has been far better.

However, the pain is still here.

I have not shared every detail. I have left some out on purpose. Details that intensify the situation but would shed bad light are more advantageous to exclude.

Part 3 of "Change" will tell you the high moments--yes, this is not without pleasant details. It is not all bad.

Change, Part 1

2007-08-13T02:03:00.000-05:00

I have a very sober post to write.

Tonight I was talking on the phone with my sister as well as writing on Facebook when a strong gust of wind beat against my bedroom window. The meteorologist from KSDK News Channel 5 said the wind was a gust front caused by the storm behind it. Gusts reached 62 mph in St. Charles. It is believed that some building damage occurred along I-70 and Highway 40. It hailed in O'Fallon, and trees fell, causing powerlines to also go down. Right now, I am sitting on my bed listening to the thunderstorm--the perfect mood for this post.

With the stage set, allow me to get to the heart of the matter. Many changes have happened, are happening, and will happen in my life. Both internal and external circumstances characterize these changes. My sister and best friend, Rachel, moved to Indiana last Thursday. She will start seminary Tuesday. Friends of mine have also already left MBU. Currently, I am in the process of moving to the dorms. I will check-in and officially move in Welcome Weekend (this weekend, August 17). I will meet my roommate, go to my first dorm meeting, and I will begin my first class of the fall semester the following Monday. Also the following Monday, I will begin working with a new boss. Undergoing these changes isn't easy. I am trying to take it one day at a time and trust God for everything to work out okay, for strength, for the ability to adjust, for a positive attitude... for the future.

On top of this, I just experienced a severely trying and emotional weekend. Its effects will most likely linger into the weekends ahead. One of my parents is giving me worse trouble than usual, specifically regarding my service in church. I have been training for three months to run sound with an awesome girl named Krys. I very much enjoy running sound. I think it is the closest I have gotten to serving in a ministry area that fits/uses my S.H.A.P.E. (spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences). I have learned so much since I started and was able this weekend to mix successfully almost by myself.

I quit the team.

My dad commanded that I not serve on Saturdays anymore. He has said such things before, but this time he said it as a command and with authority. This time I was worn down past the point of fighting back. This time, I listened.

Whoa.

It is not every day I don't go down without a fight. I want the constant battle on the weekends to stop so badly. I am tired of going rounds with him. Amidst all the changes, I only felt able to obey. I felt as though I had nothing else left in me. I would love to enjoy my dad and for him to enjoy me, but that is not the way it is.

After I wrote that I quit the team, I stared at the sentence for a little while. It was hard for me to continue typing after that. Did I really quit the team? Something I've discovered I am passionate about doing, something I've trained for and was becoming good at, and something in which I truly felt like I was contributing to the Kingdom and to the mission of Meadow Heights Church has ceased.

I will discuss my dad's motive, the turn-around Saturday night, and evens that followed my quitting, Lord willing, sometime soon. It is still thundering....

Desiring God Coverage of the Bridge Disaster

2007-08-03T01:54:00.000-05:00

On the Don't Waste Your Life Facebook group, the Director of Resource Strategies from Desiring God posted a link to their compilation of video from the disaster scene set to one of John Piper's sermons. It is around six minutes long. You should check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wG0dhA_RT8

You can also find it on the Don't Waste Your Life web site. Actually, I encourage you to check out the web site anyway. It's great.

Even More

2007-07-19T00:12:00.000-05:00

This is overwhelming! I like Hillsong, and they're Australian! If you're not familiar with Hillsong, just listen to the second and/or eighth song on my playlist at the bottom of the page.

More Australian Evidence

2007-07-18T00:39:00.000-05:00

My sister pointed out to me another way in which I am Australian. I not only like Keith Urban, use Aussie shampoo and conditioner, and eat Wallaby yogurt, but I also like the new GTO's that were originally built from an Australian platform.

The Final "Squirrel Saga" Post?

2007-07-18T00:15:00.000-05:00

Tragic news. PETA is going to be all over this.

I have not said much about the squirrels in a while because I think my dad finally won. I've said this before, but this time I am very confident. After he moved the hummingbird feeder, he has not had any trouble with them--even the smart one.

However, it looks as though my dad may not have triumphed on his own. It seems a certain neighbor of ours, Bill, is also having a squirrel problem. (It's like an epidemic!) The little creatures have not only been getting plump from birdseed--if that's possible--but they have been dipping into Bill's corn as well. His garden is a vast feeding ground for them.

To solve his problem and, by the transitive property, solve our problem and to prevent them from spoiling all his cantaloupe along with corn, he began to shoot in their direction. He was only trying to scare them off. It did not work, so he hung up some dead squirrels. Unfortunately, they are too tame. He then shot them, one by one. He only has about six more to go, I believe, out of the original twenty--no lie.

This is tragic because though the squirrels are pesty little animals, I have grown attached to their being around or at least the amusement they bring. They are cute and furry and smart--sort of. If they were truly smart they would have ran and not returned after the first one was shot. Anyway, I feel compassion for them, but it is too late for any intervention from me.

How sad that Man vs. Squirrel must end on such a bittersweet note!... at least for now. "It's not over 'til it's over," Yogi says. Six of them are still alive. Can they pull themselves together for a comeback? We can only wait and see.

PC--Never Mind--Faith

2007-07-12T00:04:00.001-05:00

My dad bought a used computer from a man who lives near Manchester (St. Louis, MO). It is a 2002 Dell Optiplex GX240. I have been setting it up for my parents after Dad and I plugged everything up and got all the parts situated.

Oh! Sudden change of writing plans...

My dad was just talking about my mom's possible test of faith. My parents and my sister returned from Jeffersonville, IN, yesterday. They were moving Rachel's furniture to her new apartment. My sister's going to seminary, but that's a whole other blog.

Before they left on Monday, my mom's foot was hurting severely. (If you are unfamiliar with my mom's foot problems, check out my past posts labeled "Prayer Requests and Praise Reports." Her foot is healing now, praise the Lord.) She went on the trip anyway, and has not had any severe pain, to my knowledge, since that morning. My dad and I think that it may have been a test of faith from God for my mom. She still went, even though she was in pain. It was like a step of faith. It is also possible that the devil may have been rearing his head. She very much wanted to go on the trip, for she had not seen the apartment or the seminary campus before the trip.

I promise that was way better than what I originally was going to write about.

Everything from the Word "Hiatus" to Greek

2007-07-10T00:29:00.000-05:00

Apologies upon apologies to all my fans (just kidding) for seemingly abandoning the blogosphere. Some definite blog-worthy happenings have transpired, but because they are so much in the past, I cannot recall them.

From what I can salvage, allow me to fill you in on what you have missed.

I am pretty convinced by now that I am Australian at heart. By reflection I have come up with these three facts to back up my claim: (1) I use Australian shampoo, Aussie; (2) I eat Australian-style yogurt, Wallaby (Jeremy, if you should happen to run across this post, know that it is organic.); and (3) I like Keith Urban, who is Australian.
I recently delved into a friend's New Testament Greek textbook. I have had it since school let out, but I had only opened the book sparingly before last week. I am on the exercises portion of Unit 2. I enjoy learning Greek. To me, it is an exciting language to learn. The whole Greek culture fascinates me. The main cause of my interest, however, is in my desire to get to the raw text of the Bible. To read New Testament Scripture in Its original language would be like embracing Truth in a hug--enveloping It in order to comprehend Its worth and understand Its exact meanings (not the "big picture" meaning but meanings of individual points). I know that I cannot possibly do either of these things, but that is the measure of significance I place on proficiently knowing New Testament Greek. It seems as though it would open a whole new, for lack of a better word, facet of the Bible to me...
June 23rd my cousin married at Stonegate Glass Chapel just north of Branson, MO. My sister and I headed down to Harrison, AR, (where he lives) the Thursday before. We viewed his brother's house and met his brother's roommate, ate my aunt's DELICIOUS food, and enjoyed making comparisons of my aunt and uncle to our parents--at least I did. Besides the rehearsal dinner, wedding, and reception, we did not have anything on our agenda before we went down there. It was truly a vacation. Before the rehearsal dinner I chilled in the living room for a few hours doing absolutely nothing but observing my surroundings and napping a bit. After the rehearsal dinner, my uncle took us all (my aunt, my aunt's sister and niece, and us) to Branson Landing. That place is NICE. The street lamps change colors, the walkway is brick, music plays outside constantly, and the Landing has good stores. It's right by the lake too. I very much appreciated my famly throughout the vacation. I think much of the time I take them for granted, but not that time. They are a great group of people! Oh, by the way, the wedding and all its appending activities were very enjoyable as well.

Writing of vacations, I am currently on hiatus from work for some R&R in the country. I took off with the aims of soaking up amazing scenery, wide open spaces, and birds' songs instead of endless buildings, small spaces, and traffic noise; and--this is my primary aim--of digging into the Word and reading my current books in peace and quiet with focused attention. I have done hardly any of the two and hope to achieve better tomorrow.

Sweet Treat

2007-07-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

I'm in church again down in All Stars. Something great happened last Wednesday. Rachel and I had become accustomed to dessert the weekend before while we were in Harrison, AR, and, therefore, were craving something sweet. We went to Applebee's for a chocolate meltdown (yum!).

Not long after we were digging into our scrumptious, devilish delight, without my knowing, a man--who heretofore shall be dubbed Charlie--tapped on the window (the one separating Drury Inn from the restaurant) and asked Rachel if our food was good. At the time I was looking down at my food (one track mind) and didn't notice anything was going on until I looked up at Rachel, who was gazing over to her left with a grin on her face. She said, "That man is talking to me." In a quandry, I slowly peered over to my right with an apprehensive expression, and when my eyes landed on Charlie, I immediately, in conjunction with my sister, busted up into laughter. Charlie came around to our table and asked, "So am I going to get a bite of that?" We were both thinking, "Sure, go ahead." He laughed and said, "I'm going to pay for your dessert." "No need for that," I replied.

When we finished our dessert, we gave the waitress our payment with the ticket and figured, Well, I guess Charlie isn't coming by. A couple minutes later, the waitress returned with the ten I had given her and said, "That man over there said he'd pay for your dessert." Well, okay! Before we left, we thanked him. He said he figured since he had joked around with us that he'd pay the ticket. How nice of him! God used him to be a financial blessing in both of our lives, so praise God.

Man vs. Squirrel Update... Again

2007-06-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

I'm in church right now with some downtime. During the service, All Stars registration agents don't have much to do; most of our work is before and after the services, making sure all the kids are counted for attendance and secure. MH has definitely stepped up to the plate in the safety department, and our new kiosk system has been working great!

Anyway, the purpose of this post has been a long-time coming. A couple weeks ago, I guess, more developments ensued over the pesty squirrels in the backyard. Since they've pretty much given up on the birdfeeder, they have decided to go for the hummingbird feeders. My dad caught one of them in the act of hanging upside-down on the feeder by the tree. Ah, geez! Those varments are definitely determined and smart! In efforts to prevent such a thing from happening again, my dad relocated the hummingbird feeder to hang right in front of our sliding glass doors. My mom, however, liked one of our other birdfeeders there better, so with protest my dad moved the hummingbird feeder to the clothes line with its sister feeder. Maybe now my parents can have some peace. While the hummingbird feeder was hanging by the sliding glass doors, the squirrels kept trying to jump from the steps' railing to the feeder or from the doors' partition, causing a racket against the glass.

Our neighbor has a rather large garden that he claims squirrels keep getting into. He says he's going to start shooting, which should help my dad pull off a victory in Man vs. Squirrel; however, these squirrels sure have been entertaining, and I'll miss them if they become extinct in the area! (Now my true feelings about them come out.)

Sean > Rush

2007-06-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

Today's radio show sealed the deal. Sean Hannity is amazing. I officially prefer him over Rush Limbaugh. Though Rush cracks me up sometimes and is very confident, Sean treats his callers very well, supports the soldiers 100%, and has more class. The show today, the anniversary date of D-Day, featured the recording of President Roosevelt's prayer. Sean's 89-year-old veteran friend was on the air for a while as well. It was very moving. Such radio shows make a person look outside his usual perspective of the United States. We Americans truly are blessed to live in such a country, even when it seems divided by politics. Sean Hannity is where it's happening. Case closed.

"How Marvelous, How [Incredible]!"

2007-05-28T00:27:00.001-05:00

I was just thinking about how incredible Passion07 was and how incredible it was that I was a part of it. I am listening to Charlie Hall on the Passion06 CD (Everything Glorious), which sparked my thinking. Imagine with me: 25,000 students gathered together in the name of Jesus to bring glory to the Father and enjoy Him, standing unified with Christ by Christ for the same cause, the same purpose--all together, in one place--the presence of God unmistakable. I do not have to imagine. I only have to remember. That is incredible.

New Developments in the Case Man vs. Squirrel

2007-05-22T21:17:00.000-05:00

I thought the squirrel guard put an end to it, but I was wrong. Last weekend, I learned that the squirrels had chewed off part of the funnel's rim, and one of the furry creatures was basking in the sun on the perch of the birdfeeder, according to a first-hand, eye-witness account. My dad resolved to not give up but to "go to the mattresses." He put a shield of some sort over portions of the funnel. (Note that this action is perfectly legal as it was done in self-defense.) I cannot recall the material of this shield, but for now, his efforts have succeeded. The suspect, however, remains unapprehended. This was [supposedly] derived from an old police report:

WANTED

Current alias: Squirrely "The Unstoppable" Varment
Age: Unknown
Height: 7"
Weight: 1.5 lbs.
Description: "Squirrels are generally clever and persistent animals. In residential neighborhoods they are notorious for eating out of bird feeders, digging in potted plants either to bury or recover seeds, and for setting up house in sheltered areas including attics. While many companies sell bird feeders which are supposedly 'squirrel-proof,' very few of them really are" (Wikipedia).

Original photo derived from Digital Photography: http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0Je5qgyt1NG1hEBfkCjzbkF/SIG=12c7iqmps/EXP=1179977906/**http%3A//www.photozo.com/album/showphoto.php%3Fphoto=65859

FRIGID... Part 2

2007-05-17T09:52:00.000-05:00

I must follow up on my my last post. I went to class yesterday, and the AC was NOT running in Room 310! I did not take my sock cap, so it's a good thing it was taking a break. Talk about basking in the "WARMTH"* of the room--while still in my hoodie, mind you. I thought to myself as I was basking, My blog post must have done some good; maybe I should blog about stuff like that more often! My idea was crushed when the air came blasting out of the duct toward the end of class.

NOTE: "Toward the end of class" does not indicate 3:25 p.m., the scheduled dismissal time, but rather the point at which we students began our course evaluations--around 1:30. NOTE AGAIN: It is with pleasure I wrote the previous sentence. I am NOT complaining.

*Did you notice how funny warmth looks in ALL CAPS? Did you also notice the word was in quotation marks? It was not WARM in the room; it was CHILLY, a considerable upgrade from FRIGID.

It's time to get serious...

FRIGID.

2007-05-15T16:12:00.000-05:00

Today is approaching mid-May, without the rain it'd be around 83 degrees outside, and I'm sitting in the Records Office here at MBU in a hoodie. Does that make sense? Do not misunderstand me, I am not complaining about the AC in the basement of the Field building--I know what it is like to work without it--so just keep reading.

I started taking my hoodie with me to school for my three-week May-term Business Writing class. It's in Field 310, the corner room, and without a hoodie, it is FRIGID. The air blows from the vent straight down to my head. Now don't imagine a line drive of cold air; this blast is more like a radioactive bomb--it has a radius, not just one endpoint. Therefore, I cannot simply move to a nearby seat to avoid it. If I move to the back or across the room, I might escape, but then I would alienate myself from my prof and six peers. I opt for a hoodie and, starting today, a sock cap. That's right. I'm not messing around anymore--a sock cap means business.

It's so cold in Business Writing, I have to "shoo away the penguins" (Ray Romano, Everybody Loves Raymond).

Recent Developments in Man vs. Squirrel

2007-05-08T21:49:00.000-05:00

My dad may have finally defeated the squirrel(s). No, it was not the PVC pipe--though it may have worked if it was not removed for a more sophisticated tool. My mom kindly ordered a squirrel guard with which my dad is, so far, very pleased. It favors an upside-down funnel with a lip circumferencing (if that is a word) the bottom. When the squirrel tries to grab this lip in efforts to go above the guard and to the bird feeder, the lip collapses under the little creature's weight, and the creature falls to the ground. It has worked so far. After two or three attempts, the squirrel suddenly became content with feeding on the ground, at least for now. Recent developments may have unfolded without my knowledge. Unless I am informed of something different, think SUCCESS! The epic war may have finally ended with my father's victory at the Battle of Squirrel Guard!

Matthew 11:28

2007-05-08T00:34:00.000-05:00

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Down but Not without Hope

2007-05-07T22:53:00.000-05:00

To my surprise, my last post was coherent.

I don't know what to say, but I am hoping to let out some of my mixture of emotions (or lack thereof) by writing. It is hard for me to accurately describe what is going on inside me, and it has been like this for a couple days. I feel as though I am troubled, but with what am I troubled? I am not at rest. I am uncomfortable, but I don't know why. Most likely, I need to renew my mind with the transforming power of God's Word. I need to spend some one-on-one time with Jesus. I usually get like this when I slack in this one-on-one time.

Then again, a part of me feels almost numb. I went to bed fine--more accurately, happy--on Saturday night and woke up Sunday morning with no passion, no zeal, no zest, no vigor... and it hasn't come back yet.

I was inspired by Job this evening. Job worshiped God for the good and the bad times and recognized God's sovereignty. He lost his kids to a storm and was able to see the situation with this perspective. "...The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21). It would be good for me to "stop and consider the wondrous works of God" (Job 37:14).

It would be great to take a vacation from myself for a while, so I think I might just do what the previous Scripture says.

A Waste of Space (And Time)

2007-05-07T15:14:00.000-05:00

Right now, I am putting one of my best tactics into practice--procrastinaiton. I just lost most of my motivation to work on my homework (time-consuming homework at that) and am seriously considering shutting down my computer and participating in the conversation around me. I'm sitting by the fireplace in the campus coffehouse, The Perk--I recommend this place by the way; it's nice.

Anyway, the art of procrastination is easily learned but not easily forgotten. It does indeed become a habit that mostly likely won't break automatically when college is over. It will, I predict, carry on into my work life, if I don't bear down.

Now about this homework. I'm taking a May-term class that lasts three weeks--that's four days a week for a scheduled three and a half hours a day. Note, however, that I have yet to remain in class for the scheduled amount of time. This class is not too intense but could become so if I put off my latest assignment until last minute. This sucker, I promisse you, is time-consuming!

Yet, here I am, still typing out this blog post and not doing my homework. I know you can relate. Procrastination plagues just about every college student. Why do we procrastinate? Why? What psychological processes go on to make us official procrastinators?

I'm just throwing this question out there. I'm sure the art of procrastination cannot be boiled down to just a few (or several) steps of psychological processes, but my current state of A.D.D.-like behavior is hindering me from intellectually brainstorming for better ideas. I hope all this is coherent; I am not sure.

Request for Help with 1 Corinthians 9:16-18

2007-05-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

I recently read 1 Corinthians 9:16-18:

"Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not make use of my rights in preaching it."

Is Paul saying that his reward is to offer the Gospel free of charge? If so, how is it his reward? Paul did say earlier in the chapter that he would rather die than not have his boast of not using his rights, making it clear that "[offering the Gospel] free of charge" is of value to him (qualifying it as a reward, maybe?). What are his "rights in preaching it"? Material support from the Corinthians? I'd appreciate some help with this if you have anything to offer or if you need to correct me.

Speaking of Squirrels...

2007-05-03T21:19:00.000-05:00

On further thought, it seems that squirrels have taunted not just my family and the Crowders but others as well. It's like an epidemic! I remember a friend called Drew having a terrifying encounter with a squirrel on his campus. Also, my boss knows someone who has had squirrel issues. The list goes on and on! Maybe squirrels really are evil...

Sorry, Audience.

2007-05-03T21:11:00.000-05:00

No easy way to say this exists, so I am just going to say it bluntly: My promised picture of the bird feeder contraption (See "Amusing Events" and the end of "Ol' Sup" posts.) will never come. I am sure you're reaching for a tissue right now in pure agony. Believe me when I say, I am sorry.

This is what happened. I kept forgetting to take the picture, and then my dad decided to try some friends' advice to use a PVC pipe. In the process, he removed the contraption. The PVC pipe he had handy is not large enough in diameter, so it only hindered the squirrel(s) temporarily. He is wanting to buy a larger one. I will try to keep you posted (no pun intended).

Check This Out

2007-05-03T15:41:00.000-05:00

This is great. I was watching some DC*B videos on YouTube the other night (when I should have been sleeping) and ran across this one. Today, I thought I'd catch up on Crowder's blog and saw that he had just posted the same video May 1 on his blog! Hilarity. I'll give you the link to his blog: http://www.xanga.com/emprise34. Once you're on YouTube, look to the left of the video to the related videos pane and click on the "Foreverandever Etc." animated music video. It's pretty good. The follow-up video to "Evil Squirrel by David Crowder" is also in the related videos pane. I believe there is also a part three in the series, but I have not watched it yet. Anyway, enjoy!

From the Seed Springs Forth the Flower

2007-05-01T22:17:00.000-05:00

This is not actually a poem. It does not even qualify as blank verse. It is, however, my expression of the condition of my soul on February 13.

O little flower, you sprung up so quickly.
O little seed, what outward beauty you have produced!
But inside your stem is rubble.
Inside your petals is deadening deceit.
For through your outward beauty you deceive many,
And few know the depravity of your soul.

O little flower! O little seed!
May death take you over if no Soil comes to save.
Where is your Rescuer? Where shall He,
Whose savor is sweet, come from?
Be sure that if the seed desires, He will be found
And the flower will live.

For His sweet savor will take root in the seed
And flourish in the flower.

God is Faithful.

2007-04-30T15:45:00.000-05:00

Last week was very rough for me. It was probably the most difficult week I have had in college, and the roughness is not even school related.

A friend of mine, a person I know better than anyone else on campus besides my roommates, moved away. I knew that he was planning to transfer for two or three months prior to his actual leaving, but the departure and resulting absence have been harder to deal with than I ever anticipated.

Before he left, I gave him a small gift--small in size and possibly (but hopefully not) in significance but not small in the time and money spent--that included a three-page letter. In this letter I attempted to share some "last" words of encouragement and instruction in the faith (for I had been discipling him throughout this school year) and convey my thoughts on and feelings toward him. I wanted him to know that at least one person on this college campus cared enough for him to diligently pursue him in Christian fellowship and take the initiative in matters regarding him, such as keeping up with his business, and that one person is me.

He did not perceive himself as being skilled in making friends or as being well-liked by most. I think, and I could be wrong, he thought he was, in a sense, invisible--a topic on which I will elaborate further in a future post. He was never invisible to me. I am not trying to sound arrogant when I say that I took the time, went out of my way, and quite frankly did things for him that I currently would NEVER do for ANYONE else. God laid him on my heart early in the fall '06 semester, and I have carried a deep burden for his spiritual growth. I do not view myself as being as servant-hearted as people like my sister (who is amazing), but I truly enjoy serving him. I can just sit around content thinking of ways to serve him.

You can probably understand now why his departure from this campus and this city is so painful for me. I made random trips to the restroom throughout Wednesday to release my emotions and left work early. I kept telling my sister that I needed a vacation, that I needed out of St. Louis for a while. I wanted to go home to the country--a nice change of scenery and a scenery I love. Over time I am sure that I will adjust to his absence and think less of him (as extended absences always cause), but last week I felt as though a part inside me was dying, and I prayed for God's strength and His enabling me to focus my thoughts on other things and eventually get over this. Since that prayer in the women's restroom of the Field building, God has shown me His care and faithfulness in helping me think of other things and giving me His strength to continue every day without the destructive apathy I had developed last week. Praise God, and glory in the highest!

Please Pray for MH

2007-04-26T11:31:00.000-05:00

As my long-time readers know, sometimes I ask for prayer in my blog. It's that time again. This prayer request, however, is not for an individual's health problem as my requests usually are. My home church, Meadow Heights Baptist Church, is under either spiritual attack or is in preparation for what is to come. Whichever, we have been since the beginning of this year. God has been doing amazing things among and through us, and we believe He has much more in store in the coming months. Perhaps partially because of this we have been enduring severe health crises churchwide.

Please pray for the physical health and spiritual endurance of MH as a whole.

These crises are bazaar. For example, early this year, my pastor had to have surgery on his vocal chord because of an hemorrhaging polyp. He could not talk for a while and had to undergo voice therapy. Members of the leadership staff stood in the pulpit each week on a rotating basis, and I think our church grew closer together and to God throughout it all.

Another example: A family took their four-year-old daughter to the hospital to treat her broken leg, and in the process of treatment, someone discovered she had an autoimmune disease called Takayasu Arteritis that attacks her blood vessels. She has already experienced Stage 1, so some damage to her aorta has already occurred. Prednisone and Methotrexate were prescribed for treatment. (My mom has had to take these medications for rheumatoid arthritis, so we know the effects they can have. Having to take them at such a young age, before full development, is sad.) She is also taking blood pressure medicine.

The young child's family says she is the youngest person her doctors have seen with this disease and are praising God for her broken leg. The family has had an amazing attitude throughout all this, trusting God and knowing that His hand is on the girl's life. They said in an email that they have given her to Him and are "continuing in His strength and for His glory." I truly admire them and are thankful for people like them in the Church.

One last example: Our youth coordinator/worship leader was diagnosed with walking pneumonia a few weeks ago. He was feeling better before last Friday night, when he woke up with severe pains. He was transported to Parkland Hospital in Farmington, MO, and was put into isolation. His many visitors had to suit up and wear masks before seeing him. For a while, the doctors did not know what was wrong with him, but I was informed today that his colon had ruptured from a bubble behind his chestbone. The burst released gas into his body cavity, and he became infected. As far as I know, he is so supposed to stay in the hospital untl at least tomorrow.

These examples and many deaths/life-threating illnesses (like a man's wife suddenly collapsed and died at a gas station and a boy was paralyzed from the chest down from a serious auto accident) have afflicted MH, and I ask for you prayers in regards to strength, endurance, perseverance in believing, patience, comfort, and God's healing. Most importantly, I ask that you pray that God would be glorified throughout all this.

Thank you so much!

Insight from Jonathan Edwards

2007-04-16T14:47:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday, something pivotal in my life took place... and it hurt.

I was hurrying to the sofa at the apartment, and I somehow managed to strike my toe on a random staple under the sofa. How in the heck?!

Yes, it was pivotal. Hee, hee...

Every moment in time is pivotal based on the laws of action and reaction. I have a quote for you from Jonathan Edwards that I found on the Facebook wall of the group Dead Theologians Society:

"Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can."

Ol' Sup

2007-04-10T23:17:00.000-05:00

Last October, my roommates and I went to Thei's Farm where one can buy pumpkins from a pumpkin patch as well as goods from a little shop and explore hay mazes and a cornfield maze. One can also take a guided tour through the pumpkin patch, fields, and orchards.

Anyway, about that pumpkin... my roommate spotted a beauty, and it was the winner. I named it Sup after former Cardinals pitcher Jeff Suppan. I bought the pumpkin for my dad and I to carve as we sometimes do around Halloween time. I go home about every weekend for church and to see my parents, and every weekend did not seem like the right time to carve the pumpkin. My dad and I kept procrastinating. Soon Thanksgiving came and went. (If you view my Thanskgiving photo album on Facebook, you can see a picture or two with the pumpkin in the foreground.) Then Christmas came and went--I think by this time I was urging my dad to get cracking on the pumpkin--and the New Year along with Passion07 came and went. Valentine's Day... Martin Luther King Day... St. Patrick's Day... Easter. Over the weekend, my mom, sister, and aunt forced me to put the infested pumpkin outside by the garbage can. I did so reluctantly. For one thing, I did not want to touch it. I will admit, ol' Sup is pretty nasty.

My dad said he was going to cut it open to see the inside. I really hope he does. My mom and sister would rather Sup take a ride off the roof.

By the way, that picture of the bird feeder is still in the works.

Amusing Events

2007-04-02T15:49:00.000-05:00

I love my parents. Recent amusing events have plagued them. Let me elaborate...

Amusing Event #1
My parents had just parked in front of the Hallmark store in Farmington, MO. Since my dad wanted to help my arthritic mom out of the car, and my mom had a second set of keys for the car, my dad decided to leave the keys in the ignition. My mom didn't want to take her big boat of a purse into the store, so she left it in the car and locked the doors, naturally so no one would steal it. They then went on with their shopping. When my parents returned to the car, my dad wanted my mom's set of keys to unlock the car, and she, of course, did not have them because they were in her big boat of a purse, which was, of course, in the car. My parents had to call a locksmith and pay $35 to have the car unlocked.

Amusing Event #2
Some time ago, my dad went to Lowe's to return a defective Shop-Vac. The Lowe's employee gave him a Lowe's card worth $85 to use to buy a new Shop-Vac. My dad didn't know he was supposed to use the card to make the exchange, so he left the store with the $85 card--thinking it wasn't worth anything (i.e., a dead card)--and a new Shop-Vac. My mom recently persuaded him to have the card checked, and lo and behold, he found out that $85 was on the card. He knew it wasn't right to use the $85 (nor legal), but the woman servicing him insisted that he use the "free" money because, after all, it was Lowe's mistake. They should not have given him the card. My parents now have a new $100 Moen faucet in their kitchen.

Amusing Event #3
My dad was having some car trouble recently, so he was driving his '90 Chevy truck to work while the car was out of commission. While working on his car, he decided to leave the battery going to listen to music. After a snag or sure (I cannot remember how many), the project wound up taking a little longer than anticipated. As most of you know, if you leave a car battery pulling juice for too long, the car will not have enough battery power left to start. Needless to say, when my dad tried to start the car, it was 100 percent dead. He thought to himself, "It's okay. I'll just use the truck." When he turned the key in the ignition the truck wouldn't fire either! "What is going on around here?!" he wondered. He told my mom the situation, and my mom asked if he had left his lights on. My dad is very careful about things like that and thought the idea ridiculous but went ahead and checked it out. Sure enough, he had left his headlights on all day!... Hilarity.

Amusing Event #4
I've saved the best for last. My dad has been in a war against some squirrels in our backyard for a very long time. They like to climb the pole to the bird feeder and eat the bird seed. My dad has tried a funnel, a piece of wood I think, a strip of plastic, a strip of plastic with sides, and maybe even oiling up the pole. No matter what my dad has tried, the squirrel(s) end up on top (no pun intended). Recently, my dad has had to make revisions on his strip of plastic with sides and has formed it into a plastic box of sorts. For a week the squirrel was stumped (yes, the other squirrel gave up a while ago, so there is only one still fighting), then it finally happened. I was in the kitchen as my dad was walking into the dining room looking out the sliding glass doors. Suddenly he gasped. I looked out the window and saw the varment atop the plastic box, eating to his mischievous delight. For probably a good ten minutes, my dad, sister, and I stared outside the sliding glass doors, trying to figure out the seemingly genius animal's strategy. We laughed at the thought that my dad was being outsmarted by a squirrel. Make no doubt about it, we have seen these squirrels in action and know that they do actually think things through and study different angles--at least when it comes to getting on a bird feeder. For some added humor, know that the birds are particularly attracted to the squirrels' food when my dad puts it out on the ground. I will try to provide a picture of the bird feeder with its ridiculous contraption soon.

In case I do not write for a while, God bless your celebration of Jesus Christ's death and resurrection!

The Power of the Spirit When Given Opportunity to Move in Corporate Worship

2007-03-27T09:10:00.000-05:00

What was amazing? Chapel! I know the last time I blogged about Chapel I said it was the best, but seriously this time, this was THE best.

Going into Chapel I was carrying some emotional, mental, and spiritual baggage that were hindering my worship to God. Preoccupations seemed to rule me, especially my mind. When praising God I really wasn't praising Him at all because I was not even focused on Him. God was working with my will during the service, and after students were dismissed, I stayed fixed on the bleacher and prayed to God. I finally broke during my prayer when a girl came down from the bleachers above me and wrapped her arm around me. I began to cry and let it all go--I unloaded my baggage and gave it all to Him.

I was finally able to wholeheartedly praise God! I was so filled with and surrounded by the Holy Spirit that I was shaking and single-minded. My attention and affection was on God, and the experience was incredible! Worshipping in Spirit and in Truth is how God wants us to worship Him, and that was what I was doing.

My time of worshipping privately before God staring at the wooden cross erected in the gym and in community with that girl who was so filled with the Spirit was like the Passion conference in that I got a glimpse of heaven.

I cannot express to the full the measure of joy I experienced in my relationship with God. I was very happy, very fulfilled, and very thankful to my God... Never underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit when it is released like it was in Chapel 3/22/07 when chains were broken.

Thank you to whoever God pressed on to give us students the opportunity to participate in this kind of Chapel. From everyone I talked to I can say that we very much want more of this and desperately need more of this.

Wow...

2007-03-22T14:41:00.000-05:00

Something AMAZING happened today. I cannot wait to tell you about it!

I'll fill you in on the incredible day when I gain time to go further down on my priority list to the blog slot... Don't worry; it's not too far down.

Spring Break Thus Far

2007-03-15T20:43:00.000-05:00

I've already talked about visiting my high school, so let me skip ahead to my trip to Louisville. I left yesterday morning and returned this evening. Quick trip, huh? My sister needed to take care of some business at SBTS, and we had to return promptly. My dad went with us, which was good besides some unnecessary--better put, unwanted--comments on the way back. The commute to and from, as with our trip last year, had its hilarious signs, including the following:

"Don't Get Plowed" (IL)
River names (IL & IN) like Little Wabash, Beaver Creek Pond, Little Crooked Creek, etc.
"Entering Hoosier National Forest" and "Leaving Hoosier National Forest" (IN)
Town/area names like Sulphur, English, Santa Claus (home of Holiday World amusement park), Birdseye, etc.
My personal favorite: "No Stopping, Standing, or Parking" along I-64 (IN)

A noticeable difference between this year's and last year's was the gross smells of sour feed and other things through Illinois and Indiana.

SBTS was as great as ever. Rachel and I sat in on the class Personal Spiritual Disciplines, in which the class had read Donald S. Whitney's Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life. Awesome! I've already read that book in Discipleship and Evangelism, so I could easily get into the discussion. At the beginning of the class period, the prof had us form a group of two to three (or in our case five) and pray for each other, asking that God would make us blameless and holy. We got to meet three nice gentlemen Brad, Phil, and David as a result.

My dad joined us for Chapel. The chapel building at SBTS is beautiful! My eyes were closed for more time than they were open but not because the service was boring. I had stayed up a little late the night before watching Escape from Alcatraz on AMC with Rachel and Dad.

I also nodded off a few times during our lunch with the admissions rep. Oops...

I cannot tell you enough how beautiful Southern Seminary's campus is! All the buildings match, some of the sidewalks are brick walkways, the place is well-maintained, and it is mostly secluded. Combine these attributes wtih the amazing people and the incredible faculty there, and you have one awesome seminary.

Oh, one more thing: The seminary's students are mostly guys. In the class I sat in, I think there were four girls including Rachel and me. In Chapel, the singing congregation had a strong low tone. That part of seminary was particularly enjoyable. :)

Note the Time I Posted

2007-03-13T00:20:00.000-05:00

I just realized that beginning with my post "I Wore a Visitor's Tag" the time of which I post will be one hour behind because of the new Daylight Savings Time schedule.

I Wore a Visitor's Tag

2007-03-12T23:45:00.000-05:00

Today was the first official day of Spring Break. I had a doctor's appointment for the stye/cyst/whatever on my eye, and then I visited some former teachers at my high school. I also volunteered to help out an MBU admissions rep. who visited the high school today. A couple students were interested, and that was cool because it is always exciting when a person is interested in enrolling at MBU, I actually knew the names of these two prospective students since they are from my high school, and I am currently the only person from my hometown who is going to MBU--FHS graduates are definitely welcome! Also, I know of another person from my hometown who is interested but did not come talk to the student ambassador and myself.

Two seniors and one junior from FHS interested in MBU? Hooray! It's a nice boost for me since possibly five people I know affiliated with MBU (mostly staff) will not be returning next fall. I was kind of down because of that for a while. Though some close friends may leave, could new ones come to fill their shoes? I hope so.