Just Checking In...

I was just looking at the blogs I "follow" and discovered that apart from Rachel's blog and Lisa's blog, we're all slackers. Some haven't blogged in a year! As you can deduce, it's been a couple months for me. I have been busy, but that is not the actual reason for my blogosphere absence. I simply have had little inclination to do so. I realize this is atypical for me, and I cannot at this time explain it.

Anyway, Thanksgiving break has officially ended. It was a good time with family at the homestead, full of hilarity and food. Though I remember lamenting on more than one occasion over forgetting to transport my coffee from the dorm, I can tell you that I was in no want of food or beverage--or television for that matter. I'm glad I was able to hang out with my cousin Jeremy and his wife Lindsey. They are laid back, pleasant, country, and in sync with the Hovis tastes (Elvis, cars, etc.), which makes them pretty much great. Jeremy is an outdoorsman who likes to hunt, fish, and ride horses. I like it.

Thanksgiving is a prime excuse for Rachel to come into town as well. Before driving south, we put her birthday coupon to good use at Cold Stone. Believe it or not, we ate at McDonald's beforehand. (We rarely grace the premises with our presence.) When back in STL, we ate at Jimmy John's and used my free cookie coupon at McAlister's. Mmm... Rachel and I, I am convinced, are pretty cool gals. I don't say that to be conceited; we simply have good tastes in food and music--making any trip a good time.

The agenda now is to finish my Missions and Mercy paper for Wednesday afternoon and a wealth of Hebrew homework for Thursday morning. Then I get to Greek it up!

Tazo!

Last night I had the blues, so I created ambient lighting, "brewed" herbal tea, and set my iTunes to Norah Jones. Therapeutic it was. Sipping Tazo's Calm usually soothes my soul. Have you tried Tazo? Tazo offers a variety of caffeinated, decaffeinated, and caffeine-free black, white and green, and herbal teas and a small line of tea lattes. Which do I recommend, you ask? It's a toss-up between Calm and Wild Sweet Orange. Zen is also a good choice, offering a minty freshness. Where can you find Tazo teas? At your favorite Starbucks or at natural foods stores and grocery stores like Wal-Mart. Hopefully, I'll get to try Sweet Cinnamon Spice soon (not sold in Starbucks stores but available online).

If you experiment with Tazo and discover it is not your cup of tea (couldn't resist), then give its competitor a chance. Numi organic teas are very similar and sold at Whole Foods and Wild Oats. I prefer Tazo's varieties over Numi's, but I did try an impressive Rooibos from Numi.

Finally, as a third option, if neither Tazo nor Numi suits your fancy, immerse yourself in Celestial Seasonings' plethora of 100% natural teas. Boasting a range of about 100 different flavors, you are virtually guaranteed to find something you like. Also, for you coffee enthusiasts, Celestial Seasonings offers organic, Fair Trade whole bean coffee.

All this talk about tea has stirred my senses. Tea anyone?

Chick-fil-A

I have a draft that I intend to publish when I set about to re-research the semantic ranges of two Greek words and their relationship. I began word studies for Matthew 22:14 after school let out last spring but never finished writing down my findings. In my Redemption and Reconciliation class this fall, my professor discussed these two words, which prompted me to return to my draft. I hope to post it for all to read and comment.

At the present, I'd like to share with you a fantastic YouTube video that my dear Lindsey brought to my attention recently. It is a tribute to Chick-fil-A--one of the best places to buy a chicken sandwich. As of late, Chick-fil-A has been the buzz among my classmates and myself. If you have never enjoyed Chick-fil-A, I extend my deepest condolences to your deprived palette and encourage you to correct the error of your diet. Your body will thank you! Now join me and Tim Hawkins in singing this love song (or click here to view the vid from Tim's website).

A Brief Lamentory Note

The semester is coming to a close, and there is still so much work to do! But the Lord is with me.... Anyway, my point in writing tonight is to share a little bit of my sorrow over finishing a couple of my classes. Now, I know you're probably thinking, "What? You're actually sad that school's about over?" Yes!

The two classes I have in mind are Intermediate Koine II and Biblical Hermeneutics. These guys (and one other gal) are family to me. I've been privileged to have class with them. I say these things especially in regard to Greek. We're a small clan; besides Doc, it's three young gentlemen and me. They are my brothers in Christ and good friends of mine. I consider that I have a special attachment to this class that I probably won't have with another one. Two are graduating (half the class), but Mark and I will be going on to third-year Greek and first-year Hebrew in the fall! I am passionate about Greek. It's a beautiful language--especially New Testament (Koine) Greek, the original language of the New Testament. This past year (fall and spring semesters) we've translated Paul's letter to the Ephesians. It's been like Bible study almost every day, and sometimes we get to listen to Doc's preaching. Going to miss that in the fall--third-year Greek is online.

I am thankful for these classmates and profs, Dr. McClain and Dr. Greever, and know that the Lord has worked through them to help me grow spritiually and--go figure--mentally. I hope I've aided them in some way too. It's been fun, guys, and a lot of hard work. I'm glad to have had the pleasure of working alongside you all.

Okay, I'm done with the sappiness.... Love you, guys.

Return to Him. He Will Restore You.

Recently I shared with a few people how God's Word convicted and humbled me. This is just one instance of what seems to be a season of conviction. It is good that the Lord is working on me. It is when we are not experiencing conviction or fighting our flesh that we should raise concern and question our continuance in the faith. To put this in context, this particular time of conviction happened after God convicted me about control, especially self-control, and before He convicted me about being obstinate toward the Holy Spirit.

I have been distracted by something since last fall and did not, until now, realize the negative effect it was having on me--the strain it produced on my relationship with God. I still don't know its exact impact, and maybe I never will, but it is one of those things that is not inherently bad but becomes bad--more precisely, sin--when I follow it instead of Christ, when it leads me astray and not to Christ. Instead of my taking its related thoughts captive to obey Christ, it captured my attention and became my frequent thoughts. This led me to apathy in my walk with the Lord because I drew more pleasure from my new thoughts than from my fellowship with Him. I began to neglect the disciplines, including prayer and daily Bible intake. At first I allowed the "something" but was strict about how much attention I gave it and what kind of attention I gave it. I first devoted it to prayer and trusted God with the outcome. Slowly, like wearing down a knife to the point of dullness, it, through intermediary means of my flesh, ground down my will to keep it within the bounds I had formed.

Now that I have described the progression of sin, let me briefly account for the progression of pain. The consequences of my actions above were trouble and weakness. Sin always brings trouble eventually, and I was weak, or at least weakening, because I was not being strengthened in the Lord through the disciplines. The resulting pain I experienced stemmed not just from this "something" but virtually from my whole life, for this sin problem surpassed the "something." It was like a virus unleashed on my life. By this time, my attitude had changed, and the pain had reached major infiltration. It was not a physical pain that can be felt with the body but a spiritual pain. Do you see the snowball effect of sin? Sin leads to more sin.

All of the last two paragraphs, I remind you, happened over the course of last semester and the beginning of this one. While I was going through this, I did not realize that I was causing my own pain by my sin, spurred on by distraction. (Do you see how dangerous distractions from Christ can be? They easily lead to sin when we submit to them.) Keep this in mind as you read the rest of this post.

The Lord convicted me of this distraction--this "something"--after coming off a weekend at my roommate's house, where He had convicted me of control (see first paragraph). He used a portion of Jeremiah 15 to do it. I like this passage of Scripture very much and had read it several times before: Jeremiah 15:10-21.

Jeremiah had a hard ministry, in which, as a prophet, he had hard words to deliver from the Lord to the people of Judah. They were facing God's judgment and wrath for disobedience. Jeremiah pressed on in his ministry, though encouragement was sparse. (How much more shoudl we press on in sharing the Good News of the Gospel!) The events leading up to the passage at hand consist of Jeremiah praying on behalf of the people and God rejecting his prayer. Jeremiah's reaction to God's rejection is complaint, even doubt. He tells God of the good things he's done (vv. 15-17) then asks, "Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?" (v. 18). When I read this, I adopted it as my own prayer, thinking the questions he asked expressed exactly how I felt. It was the first time I had caught a glimpse of what Jeremiah's pain might have felt like, though my pain was not synonymous with his.

I read on to read what I saw as the turning point: "Therefore thus says the Lord: 'If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them'" (v. 19).

God turned on the light for me. He gave me understanding--I had strayed from the Lord, not in a salvific sense but as a sheep who ignores--disobeys--his Shepherd. It is because I turned away from the Lord that my pain was "unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed." I had caused my own pain; I had brought it all on myself. To think that I had the audacity to blame God, complain in my heart to Him, and doubt His faithfulness! And what does God say? "If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before Me." Meditate on that for a moment. How beautiful is God that He should lavish such love, mercy, and grace upon us! Do you see how in my state of sin I was black and He is White, I was darkness and He is Light? And He promises me the privilege of standing before Him! His character is overwhelming--indeed, incomprehensible and never adequately described. Do you see how even in convicting me of this sin He is expressing His great love toward me? He awoke me from my dreary slumber. More than that, He delivered me from my deceitful dreams, the working of my own flesh.

Beginning with verse 19, seen above, and continuing through to the end of the chapter (v. 21), God makes promise after promise to Jeremiah. God is faithful. We are unfaithful, yet He loves us, desires us for Himself, is jealous for His praise from us. If any of us are faithful, if any obey Him, it is because He has enabled them to do so through the powerful working of His Spirit.

Get Involved in Helping Your (Distant) Neighbors.

The poor are always with us, but may we not let that discourage us from reaching out to our fellow man. I pray that the Lord will grip your heart to have compassion on those in need--here and abroad--and find ways in which YOU can help them. When you watch videos or read articles about what some people living with AIDS or living in the midst of persecution, or perhaps being persecuted themselves, go through, imagine yourself in their shoes (if they have shoes). I have been influenced and immersed in American culture just like you probably have, and therefore, having not been exposed to many different cultures firsthand, I cannot say that I know what they must be going through. But if I just try to imagine, with what little knowledge or idea that I have, what it is like, my heart breaks, my soul burns, and I want desperately to help.

Here is a brief survey of reputable organizations you can get involved with:

For those of you unfamiliar with World Vision, I encourage you to visit their website and also check out this video from Good Morning America highlighting World Vision's Gift Catalog and the difference we can make by purchasing something from it. World Vision is well known for the child sponsorship opportunities they offer, but their work goes much farther than that. They also help with disaster relief, urgent care, major crises, etc. World Vision, World Help, and Compassion International are great organizations that really do help people in ways that surpass just physical care. For example, you can help World Help distribute Bibles to people in different parts of the world who are currently without the Word of God. (If you follow the link, you will see a very good video. Though it is long, I urge you to watch all of it.) You can partner with The Seed Company, an affiliate of Wycliffe Bible Translators, in providing the resources translators need to produce Bibles in peoples' mother tongues around the world. They set a goal to begin translation for 225 more languages in the next three years. LIFE Outreach International works to provide water wells for people without access to clean water, homes, mission feeding, etc. I encourage you all to get involved in what God is doing through these organizations. They are very good about keeping you informed on the progress they are experiencing as well as new needs that arise. Also--The Seed Company is very good about this--they will request prayer for specific needs. I much appreciate learning what the particular "cluster" to whom I am contributing is doing and for what they need prayer in particular. Thank you Roy Peterson (The Seed Company), Vernon Brewster (World Help), James and Betty Robison (LIFE Outreach International), and everyone involved in these organizations for all your hard work and your passion for the cause.

No Title. Just Read.

Okay, it's my bedtime right now, and I'm still up, but don't tell anyone.... It's a new year, and hoepfully this year I will post consistently--the sparseness of my posts last semester is shameful. Don't worry; I'm not going to bore you with a list of New Year's resolutions in this inaugural post. I happen to think all the hubbub over them is annoying. I would prefer instead to discuss other things.

First, school: I am taking thirteen credit hours this semester, but don't let that deceive you. My course load is as heavy as ever. I think this semester will turn out well though. My Greek class is excellent, as always, and Biblical Hermeneutics should grow and refine me considerably. Western Civilization II will not disappoint--how could it with Dr. Beutler teaching it? He's fantastic. I slept in his class only once last semester (after an all-nighter) even though it began at eight in the morning. Introduction to Logic should interest me, as for my fitness class, I think it will help me prepare for the mission trip to Romania this summer.

I plan to make efforts to cultivate deeper friendships with a few people in particular this semester. I will exercise strategy when I do this, for these people will have a positive influence on me, are on the same "page" with me, and will probably aid in my constancy in the spiritual disciplines. I truly admire them and want to share life with them more often. Does it sound funny or selfish that I want to surround myself more frequently with these people who will produce such fruit? Shouldn't I want to spend time with them just for the sake of getting to know them better and not for my personal gain? I am seriously asking. To add another dimension: I learned in Marriage and the Family last semester (this was in the context of mate selection, not friendships, but I think it still applies) that when we first meet a person, we weigh the costs and benefits of getting into relationship with that person. With that said, maybe we all have at least a semi-selfish motive for making friends with anyone.

Second, church: You can now listen, download, and, for some, even watch past messages on the redesigned site. Check it out by clicking on the Meadow Heights link in the sidebar.

Third, ministry: I'm not sure where to start. Thoughts are spinning in my head regarding current ministry and future ministry. I have more questions than answers, but I think that is where God wants me. I rely on Him and seek after Him much better this way. Though I am a junior, I've been asked the famous question, "What are you going to do after you graduate?" countless times already. My answer is probably the same as yours: I don't know. I've been thinking about my future much more lately, but I'm not getting anywhere, and I know why. God is pleased to only show me what's just ahead of me--just enough so that I can take the next right step. That's how it's been throughout college, and I doubt it''ll change anytime soon. Of course, I could be wrong; He can surprise me. :) I feel for my brothers and sisters who are seniors this spring and are unsure of what to do next. BUT God is the Lamp unto our feet and the Light onto our path. He is also faithful. "...The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works" (Psalm 145:13). Hold fast to His promises. "He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them" (v. 19).

My Anthem as a Segway into a Study of Romans 8

(The majority of this post was written 12/6/2008.) I have not blogged since... too long. Much has been going on--too much to include in a blog post--but rest assured that the Lord is still imparting grace and mercy to His children.

Though you do not know all the many details of my recent "joys" and "sorrows," I will tell you of a song fresh in my mind that reveals what I think many of us experience on the inside. Jon Foreman, in the song "Your Love is Strong" (Spring EP), sings, "Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need. Your love is strong."


These lyrics could be the anthem of my semester. In Marriage and the Family today, Professor Puls read us a story about God's provision. We then spent the rest of the 55 minutes sharing stories about how God has come through for us in a way we could not foresee. Reflecting on this semester, I see how God has cared for me in the midst of my worrying and freaking out. I am sure He was calm all along. I did not see His hand working clearly but as through a darkened glass (Romans 8:11-12). God is mysterious, even to those who know and love Him, "for who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" (Romans 11:34) Even so, He cares for us. Perhaps if we would draw close to Him and seek His wisdom, we would mirror His steadfastness instead of wavering or shaking. Seriously, why do I worry or freak out? Romans 8:31-32.

I could incorporate more of Romans 8 into this post, but I've opted instead to do a study on the chapter in its entirety and plan to discuss it in my next post.

"None But Jesus"

Believe me when I tell you that God is the best. He is the only One worth living for. Please hunger for Him and thirst for Him. I know that only God Himself can make you actually desire Him. I pray that He would.

"You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek.' Hide not your face from me...." (Psalm 27:8-9)

These past two weeks have tried me. I believe I am in a season of mourning and oppression. It works in cycles--God's sustaining me rather. When I hit a low, He refreshes me momentarily before the next low. I, however, during this season, do not ever reach the mountain peak, except sometimes when in corporate worship or in what people call "quiet time" with Him. Trouble hits me from all sides it seems. The burden I carry is pressing against my chest, as if to crush me from its weight. Daily I am afflicted. I think of these words from the Sons of Korah:

"My tears have been my food day and night, as they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'" (Psalm 42:3)

And from David:

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (Psalm 25:16-18)

In the same psalm he says,

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." (v. 10)

Why did the Sons of Korah and David cry out to the Lord in their trouble? They walked close with the Lord. They trusted Him and recognized that He is their Lord and their very present Help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). In this season I must love the Lord my God, obey His voice, and cling to Him, for He is my life (Deuteronomy 30:20). I had trouble with this last week. I was still trying to take care of things by my own power (what power?), and my feet were getting more and more caught up in the net. Probably gradually, God turned my heart back toward Him, and now I can say,

"My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net." (v. 15)

The thing is I don't know when my complete deliverance from this season will come. Therefore, I hope I respond like David in Psalm 27:

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (vv. 13-14)

This is hard. Whoever said Christianity is easy was dead wrong and didn't know much about Christianity. Following Christ, being faithful to Him, is grace-filled like our conversion. We cannot do it without Him! Praise God for that! The same One who shone the light of His life in our hearts also changes us from one degree of glory to another.

The Lord knows my heart's cries to Him. He has heard my weeping and groaning and hyperventilating. He is present with me through it all. I knew it as I was pouring myself out to Him two Mondays ago, and I know it now as I feel the most peace I've felt in a long while. I listened to "None But Jesus" earlier by Hillsong United, and God led me to write this blog post. I sung the words and meant them.

"... There is no One else for me, none but Jesus. Crucified to set me free, now I live to bring Him praise...."

I desperately want God. I want Him to consume me. I long for singlemindedness and wholeheartedness instead of these distractions and interruptions that continually tear at me. Praise the Lord!

Just a Blurb to Expound Upon Later

The fall of year is here, for which I am excited and refreshed. This past week I've developed a healthy desire to take a walk through the woods. Time has not cooperated, so I have yet to see my desire filled. I plan to try after work this evening, though I have plenty of schoolwork to keep me occupied. I think I will take Augustine with me on my walk to the park. I will walk with him, swing with him, and, hopefully, learn from him. I will have accomplished two things at the same time by doing this.

Yesterday I had such an intense thirst for solitude--well, not complete solitude; I wanted one-on-one time with God in a quiet place, particularly outside. I wanted to get away from all distraction and noise. I only wanted to hear the birds' songs and the crickets' ceaseless rhythms and the gentle voice of the Lord by His Spirit through His Word. I sat down on a grassy hill, almost hidden from sight, drinking some of the Scriptures. It was a good time, but only for a little while. I had to concede to my evening responsibilities.

We'll see. Maybe today.

Deactivate Facebook.

To inform all my friends on Facebook and anyone else who cares, I am going to deactivate my Facebook account very soon. If you need to get a hold of me, you can email me, write me, call me, comment on my blog, or--best of all--talk to me in person. Before I bring my Facebook tenure to a close, I will log everyone's contact information and birthdays into an Excel spreadsheet to create a contact list of sorts.

To answer the inevitable question, here are the reasons why I am abandoning Facebook (but not abandoning my friends):

1. Too popular--when things get trendy, I get out.
2. Superficiality--people don't have to be real on FB (it's so popular, it gets its own abbreviation); they can present whatever they want about themselves and edit their responses
3. Cowardice--FB is too often an excuse for someone to act like a coward. If someone doesn't have the nerve to talk to someone face to face, what does he do? He sends a FB message. In particular, I am thinking of those young men--and they are probably nice guys--who don't have the guts to talk to a girl of interest and proceed to ask her out via FB. Bad move! Trust me, guys, ladies would rather you talk to them in person about that one. I could elaborate, but I will sustain.
4. Lower-quality relationships--it is true that relationships on Facebook are real, though cyber; however, these relationships can never compare to person-to-person interaction--hearing someone's tone, seeing someone's facial expressions and body language, touching, and sharing material possesions. It is impersonal and much too convenient. (If you weren't on FB, how many people would tell you "happy birthday"? If people really care about your birthday, they'll congratulate you by other means, which I know requires more effort.) It is also illogical: Why would we want to decline to a lower quality of life with our friends? If people want relationships, shouldn't they strive for the best, namely, flesh and blood?
5. Bulding from reason #3, most of my FB friends are not actually my friends at all; they are my acquaintances, most of whom I rarely, if ever, speak to in person or online. Why would we want to deceive ourselves into thinking that we have a ton of friends when really we don't know them that well at all? How could anyone have 230 close friends?
6. It's a distraction and, thus, a waste of time. Think of how easy it is just to say to yourself, "I'll only be on there for a minute" and then end up being on there for a good hour or so. Really, we could do so much better with an hour than that. Not having FB around means I don't have to discipline myself about it.
7. Fewer emails--I will no longer have a list of emails to delete almost every time I check my inbox. (I understand that one can alter the settings for FB email notifications, but I used the emails as a way to know when to get on FB. Sometimes, even when I get an email from FB, I don't access my FB account.)
8. Facebook "society"--I am partially antisocial. I generally get along with everyone, whether by enjoyinng them or tolerating them, but--this may sound mean--there are some people at MBU who haven't matured yet. I don't like being around them on campus or online. Part of it is just my personality. People after a while drain me instead of energize me. I am an introvert, not an extravert.

My recent experience of FB hacking has further encouraged me to deactivate my acccount. Oh, the thought of being "disconnected from the world" is liberating! I like things simplified, and this is one step in that direction. Will anyone join me?

Let's Put the Whole Thing Off

I am falling--or maybe I have fallen--into the procrastination habit. I worked hard last semester to not procrastinate, but this year I have used extensive free time to indulge myself in hardly productive activities instead of keeping my nose to the grindstone. I have a huge project due at the end of semester in one of my classes that I have not even begun. How are far are we into FA-08? Oh, five weeks! I need to--if I may resort to cliche--get my tail in gear.

I have an assignment due this Friday and another due on Monday. Have I even commenced organizing material or reading? Not at all! I do have plans, however, to go out for ice cream, lead a small group meeting, and color with some ladies while watching Disney movies. I am sure I will find time, I think to myself. Of course, I need to finish last week's reading assignment first! Do you see my dilemma? I am sure you can identify with it very easily.

Procrastination is a potentially fatal disorder plaguing college students of epic proportions. What can we do to solve this problem? Will generation after generation fall into this trap and carry it into their professional lives? Something must be done. Let us brainstorm for a moment in our efforts... but first, I need to get back to work here in EXCEL. I'll think of ideas later.

180 + Greek

I've struggled with some things as of late. These struggles include anger, frustration, confusion, heartache, pity, and disappointment. My respect for certain authority figures came into question--I had so many questions. I have resolved not to release information about the circumstances themselves to the World Wide Web, and I will continue not to not share in the writing of this blog. I do, however, want to explain my current condition.

I have performed an almost 180-degree turn in my response to all that went down. I still have questions, but I think I have more answers. Even now, I want to bow my head deep and enter fervent prayer over this because of my change of heart--a change of heart that can only be credited to God. My respect for the authority figures I mentioned is restored, maybe heightened.

I horribly pre- and misjudged. I feel so sorry. I love my leaders dearly. I have come to realize my role in all this: to pray and nurture. As I was praying in the early morning hours of Sunday, words from the Psalms came to my mind, and the thought came to me that maybe that is why God is having me learn them--to share them in comforting my leaders (Oh, my heart goes out to them!) as well as my personal enjoyment of them and for His glory.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God." (Psalm 42:5-6)
________

To the second part of my post, Greek has been meaty. I like Greek class anyway, but since we have started working through Ephesians, I have gained a new appreciation for the class. I love going through Paul's letter! I am learning so much about Greek syntax and Ephesians, and I like how Dr. McClain designed the work as a group effort. Koine Greek is such a beautiful language to me, and, of course, it is the perfect language for the New Testament, as the perfect God so perfectly chose it. New Testament Greek is so much more specific than English. It has admirable nuances, and the Greek letters themselves are pleasing to the eye. Am I rambling like a mad college student? I apologize.

I encourage you to learn Greek. It is time-consuming and what I like to call "ever-present," but it is worth all the time and effort you put into it. It can enhance your Bible study. There are things in the Greek New Testament that cannot be translated into English with its full meaning intact. Also, by knowing how to parse, diagram, understand syntax, and translate, you may feel closer to God's Word. Does that sound strange? Maybe it does, but that's how it is for me.

Please pray for me as I plan to do a couple things in the near future that will make me and the people to whom I talk vulnerable and of which are a heavy burden for me. Thank you.

Giving Them Up

I must say that sometimes God's workings in my life are easier to see than others. Last weekend, God used the Word, church, and Jim Elliot to show me a couple things I had been withholding from Him. It is a painful thing of which to think--I have chambers of my heart that I have not allowed God's light to penetrate. I didn't even realize it until I was sitting in a service with my head bowed and when I was sitting outside my dad's shed on a beautiful, breezy August day.

First, I was in a relationship and sensing that I could not experience the intimacy with Christ for which I longed and seek what the Lord wants me to do after graduation. After the relationship ended, my fellowship with the Lord became rich, and my delight in Him soared. The Lord began to show me things in His Word.

Second, my church family has been talking about authority lately. In last weekend's service, during our time of prayer, my pastor had us ask the question, "What have I not given to God?" The Holy Spirit pressed on me that I had not given the Lord retinitis pigmentosa. My heart broke a little. The song that was being sung fit the thoughts that I was grasping for in my mind, and I began to cry. Honest before the Lord, I told Him of my challenge in trusting Him with it (which is ludicrous), asked in advance for the help I knew I'd need to continually submit to Him in this, and gave it to Him. I told Him of how uneven the exchange is and how disgusting was the gift I was laying at His feet. Think of the love, life, grace, joy, etc., and Himself that He gives me in exchange for what?--Sin, a disease, and a fragile vessel. How uneven! [Smile] And how glorious! I was filled with joy and thankfulness at the end of my prayer. He is so gracious and merciful.

Third: I was sitting on the ramp to my dad's shed that Sunday afternoon, reading Shadow of the Almighty while my dad was building a lean-to from some material he got from our cousin. The weather was gorgeous, and I savored the sounds of the wind blowing through our huge maple and the birds singing. I read these words from Elliot to Betty (Elisabeth Elliot) while still resolved not to marry her:

"Dearest Betty, I charge you in the name of our Unfailing Friend, do away with all waverings, bewilderment, and wonder. You have bargained for a cross. Overcome anything in the confidence of your union with Him, so that contemplating trial, enduring persecution or loneliness, you may know the blessings of the 'joy set before.' 'We are the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.' And what are sheep doing going into the gate? What is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks, then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise." (Elliot 89)

After reading the first three sentences of this paragraph, I realized that I had not given marriage to God. That was one department I wanted to take care of myself. Well, Elliot was right. I had bargained for a cross. I first and foremost have a union with Christ. This union will not be broken. I am married to Christ before I will ever be married to a man. Withholding marriage or anything else from God is putting myself above Him because I am still hanging on to control. Right?

The remainder of the paragraph is also worth noting; however, I cannot think of many words to explain or expound upon what Elliot has already masterfully written. All I have is my interpretation: We are to live a life of sacrifice to God, be at His disposal for whatever He pleases, and not be all into ourselves. Sheep are dumb; even so, we must rely on our Shepherd.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Better Acquainted with Jim Elliot

Last Friday I went down to Jewett to visit some friends of mine from high school before moving back up here to the STL. After lunch we went down to the St. Francois River to swim--well, they went down to swim; I opted to stay on the bank and read. As I read more of Shadow of the Almighty, the Lord showed me something of which I did not know I was guilty. The first paragraph in full of one of Jim Elliot's letters:

"He was ready to throw Christianity overboard and turn modernist, terrifically confused because of all he saw pawned off in the name of Christ. Well, I happened to run into this fellow last Tuesday, and, sensing a little of his trouble, made a date to talk with him yesterday. He thinks now that he and I are the only heretics around here, and is glad he has found such a liberal as I am who believes that a man does not have to come all at once into the family of God with a jolt and accompanying spinal exhilarations. Personally, I wasn't 'saved' all at once, but took some years coming into my present settled convictions about the truth of God. So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others? Christ healed men differently. Some, in absentia--He spoke a word, and there was a lightning-fast reaction. Others He touched, spat upon, made clay, spoke to and questioned, then when they saw men 'as trees walking' He went through the whole process again. Let not him who accepts light in an instant despise him who gropes months in shadows. It took the Twelve three years to apprehend what was being shown them. The natural, so often illustrative of the spiritual, teaches that healing and growth, yea, even birth, are processes, and I think we altar-callers often perform abortions in our haste to see 'results.'" (Elliot 78)

I identified with Elliot's process of conversion; it wasn't instantaneous for me either. Because of this, I was shocked and amazed to read the question, "So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others?" I suddenly understood. My general perspective was that people need to hear the Gospel, repent, and be saved, and that all in short increments of each other. I failed to consider that other people's conversion might take much time like mine. When I think over how the Lord's led me to Himself, it seems like slow motion.

In summary, I--and you--must remember that people are men, women, and children with minds, emotions, personalities, et cetera. The Lord will work in them as He pleases.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Getting to Know Jim Elliot

I am currently reading a book about Jim Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty, for which his wife Elisabeth Elliot compiled his letter and journal excerpts. I feel like I can see into his heart. God uses Elliot's hunger for knowledge of and intimacy with God to inspire me and convict me at the same time. I want to be more diligent in the spiritual disciplines. Elliot's faith and zest for life are evident in the pages of this book. I relate to the inner struggles he expresses in his writings regarding his relationship with God and God's will, but I cannot relate at all with his boldness and confidence. I have developed a deep admiration and respect for him.

I find his handling of his relationship with "Betty" (Elisabeth Elliot) instructive--not in the sense that I should do as he did; that would be erroneous in that I am not a man but a woman. Rather it is instructive in the sense that it gives me an idea of how a man should approach a relationship of such nature. He toiled over her and exercised patience toward God. When they realized they loved each other, and while Elliot knew God was preparing him for the mission field, he "offered her up as a sacrifice" to God. He wanted to be wholly devoted to Christ.

This is more evident in Chapter 6, in which he expressed a sell-out attitude. He felt intensely driven to the field. Things became black and white for him. This was after he had written repeatedly about the Lord's leading.

I have much more to read, but I already feel sure of recommending this book. If you choose to read it, note it is important to read the introduction and prologue. You will realize Elisabeth's heart in her work and learn a bit more about Jim Elliot.

A Whole New World and a Deepened Admiration

I finished reading a few articles about linguistics, specifically neuro- and psycholinguistics. I had never heard of these research endeavors before this evening, when I ran across them via a scholarship opportunity on Fastweb. I am fascinated by this world of biology and psychology that I have newly discovered. One of the most interesting articles dealt with lexical functional grammar (LFG).

This summer, God seems to be showing me a side of Him in much greater detail, creating in me much greater awe. I am three weeks in to my summer classes, meteorology and biology. They both require a considerable amount of reading. In meteorology, I read about how small visible light is (think micrometers) and about how an average of 4.6 million pounds of air pressure push against our roofs from the outside.* In biology, I read about buffers in our bodies that keep our pH balance around 7.4 and that we'd die if our pH ever reached 7.0 or 7.8. So what am I saying? The side of God I am talking about is his gracious acts of creativity and sustaining life.

Think about the knowledge involved in the sciences. The neurolinguists and psycholinguists I read about must be well informed in multiple disciplines in order to study the brain's activity regarding language. God created the brain, language, and the scientists who study them. Think of how intelligent God must be. God in His omniscience created all of life in its complexity that mankind is striving to figure out in our limited--comparatively paltry--knowledge.

I was sitting on the tailgate of our truck overlooking the field and thinking about how God made everything interact just right to sustain life. God knew exactly what conditions were required for you and me to inhale and exhale continuously and knew just what to include in a cell to enable it to recycle the materials it uses. Did you know higher than we can see in the atmosphere a layer of chemicals shields most of the UV and virtually all of the X-ray and gamma radiation from reaching the lower atmosphere and killing us? God arranged everything so-so, just the way He wanted it.

I am in awe of God the more and more I learn about the world He created. So many things could exterminate us, but you and I are still here. We can thank God for that. He is so gracious.**

*You may be wondering why our roofs don't collapse. It because the air pressure inside a house is equal to the air pressure outside it. Since air pressure exerts force in all directions, the amount of pressure against the roof is equalized to zero from air pressing down on it and air pressing up on it.
**These last few thoughts follow John Piper's line of thinking in his message "Don't Waste Your Life." You can listen to or read this message by downloading it free here, or you can purchase or read online the book Don't Waste Your Life here.

Prayer Request

Please pray for my sister. She is going through a hard time in her life. She is very busy working three jobs and taking a six-week Greek class. (For those of you unfamliar with Greek classes, they are very intense and have a heavy load. She will be learning what I learned in about 32 weeks in six weeks.) One of the companies she works for is Bath & Body Works. Their semi-annual sale is huge, and she is scheduled to work every available time she gave her boss(es). She is not getting much rest also. On top of all this, she is going through a desert spiritually. She is in a season in her life in which she feels far from God, and it worries her.

Again, please pray for her. Stress is overwhelming her. Pray that God will break her heart, if needed, and that His strength will empower her as she is weak. Pray that she will give her burdens to her Father and that she will trust what she knows is true during the spiritual desert in her life. Thank you very much for your prayers. God will bring her through this, even if it gets worse before it gets better, and He won't forget His daughter. Suffering produces endurance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-4).

The Agony of Online Summer Classes

My summer so far has been rather quiet. I've spoke before of adjusting to living without a roommate or suitemates in the dorms, and that I've been working in the office instead of relaxing at home. Well, it all must come to an end eventually, doesn't it?

Well, it just did. Technically, it's still quiet, but it's not slow. My two online eight-week summer classes started this past Monday, and [whew!] are they intense! To stay on track, I need to read two chapters a week in each class. One of the classes is biology with a lab. My teacher informed me at the orientation today that the virtual labs can take up to two hours sometimes. Gross! Reading for biology takes me a while because I am taking notes on my computer as I read. I plan to comprehensively study my notes each week, so I can hopefully be adequately prepared and do well on the infamous, arduous tests.

Though I was more excited about my meteorology class than biology, I've found that I enjoy reading my biology textbook better than my meteorlogy one. I need to be reading the rest of Chapter 2 in my meteorology book right now, but I am so tired that reading sends me to sleep. (This is the agony part.) I am horrible when it comes to reading and not falling asleep. I used to be even worse than horrible, but I've improved some in the past year. It helps if I am not worn from the day when I open the book. Strange thing: I can read fiction with hardly a problem, but nonfiction simply kills me. My interest level in the subject doesn't seem to make a difference.

I am trying to be diligent in my studies though. I've read the first chapter of my biology book and over one and a half chapters of Weather Studies, and I've taken my first quiz for meteorology. The thing is I won't have much time to read tomorrow or Friday because I'm moving back home Friday. It'll all shake out though; I trust the Lord will work things out. I remember many times my freshman year circumstances looked bleak when it came to meeting assignment deadlines, but I'd pray for God's mercy and see what He'd do, and He'd open up more time for me that I normally wouldn't have. Believe me, trusting God with your schoolwork is the best thing you can do for your academic life and for yourself (like in dealing with stress). Don't misunderstand me, though, that doesn't mean you can procrastinate all you want and then expect God to get your homework done to turn in the next day. However, He is merciful and faithful.

So, if you plan on taking on summer classes at the college level anytime soon, remember to stay on top of things and read, read, READ! Read everything--the syllabus, all announcements online, assignments and their due dates, and, of course, your textbook! Try doing all that reading when you're fully conscious too; you'll comprehend much more that way and accomplish your work more efficiently.

"Dance the Night Away"

I am a closet dancer. It's 2:57 in the morning, and I just finished dancing to the first six songs on the second disc of The Essential Elvis Presley. I don't like to dance in public unless it is with someone, but when God is my only audience I like dancing very much. My style is typically interpretive dance, but with Elvis songs it varies. I am not a good dancer, but I have been told I have good rhythm. Dancing is not only fun but also a good source of exercise. It makes me feel good afterward. So the next time you're up around 3:00 A.M., just think I may be up dancing to "Viva Las Vegas."