Change, Part 3

The situation, like I said in "Change, Part 2," is not all bad. Saturday night was the first example.

Example #2:
James 1:2-4 says, "[2]Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, [3]because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. [4]Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (NIV).

Example #3:
Moving to the dorms is exciting because I will meet my roommate, decorate/arrange a room again, and only have about a ten-minute walk to the main part of campus.

Example #4:
My dad and I may have a much better relationship when this season is over.

Example #5:
The rest of my family and my friends are supportive and caring.

Example #6:
This situation has got me thinking about changing my focus from only serving with my church family to serving in all of life with my life intentionally.

See, it's not all bad. I am not drowning; my head is still well above water. I am the sort of person who writes through the trials. It is how I release, I guess you could say. Yes, it is personal, but that is why it is perfect to blog about. If I just wrote about it and kept it to myself, no one could benefit from it except myself. By posting it on this blog, YOU can read it, identify with it, and know you're not alone. I am not quite as audacious as you might think. When I write for this blog, I do not consider what my audience is going to think--or perhaps more accurately, I have nothing to hide only words to write. I figure since I write honestly, why not post it? When you read my posts, I guess you see my heart.

A Devotional

I received this devotional from Prime Time With God via email and found it helpful:

Reflecting His Glory
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman

They will tell of the glory of Your kingdom and speak of Your might, so that all men may know of Your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of Your kingdom. - Psalm 145:11-12

How do you measure your effectiveness in God, or should you even be thinking like this? The early Church turned the world upside down in that first century. What made them so effective? Was it their theology? Was it great preaching? Was it due to one man's influence apart from Jesus?

The Scriptures are clear as to what made the early Church effective. It is at the core of God's heart, and it is quite simple. God desires to reflect His nature and power through every individual. When this happens, the world is automatically changed because those who reflect His glory affect the world.

We serve a jealous God. He is a God who will not share His glory with anyone. God sets up situations in order to demonstrate His power through them. He has done this since the day He created man. His desire is to reflect His glory through you and me, so that all men may know of His mighty acts and the glorious splendor of His Kingdom (emphasis added).

The apostle Paul understood this principle: "My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power" (1 Cor. 2:4-5).

If you do not see His glory being reflected through your life, then you need to ask why. He has promised to do so if we will walk in obedience to His commands (emphasis added).

Change, Part 2

My response to my dad's command would have been different if he had spoken from a selfless motive. However, his reasons for my quitting the team revolved around himself. He did not express that he was speaking on behalf of my well-being, and he did not inquire about how much I enjoyed sound or how important it was to me. He was not concerned with Meadow Heights losing a tech team member, thinking someone else could simply replace me. His motives did not communicate value just as not listening or trying to change my personality.

Maybe I am taking the whole thing too personally because I just painted a pretty bad picture of him. There you have it though. To me, a loving Christian parent would think of what is best for his child in this situation and would want his child to serve in church. I think he does have good intentions, but I misinterpret them because of his doctrinal differences with the church. Hmm... I'm not sure.

I knew I was not being patient with him Friday night, and I remembered that the upcoming message was "Love is Patient." Perfect! Believe me, it was perfect. I listened to the message about three times. (We have five gatherings a weekend.) I listenend and prayed about becoming slow to anger. I was in such a good mood on the way home Saturday night. I meditated on the sermon notes/Scriptures and put what I had learned into practice once I arrived home. My interaction with Dad has not been the same since; it has been far better.

However, the pain is still here.

I have not shared every detail. I have left some out on purpose. Details that intensify the situation but would shed bad light are more advantageous to exclude.

Part 3 of "Change" will tell you the high moments--yes, this is not without pleasant details. It is not all bad.

Change, Part 1

I have a very sober post to write.

Tonight I was talking on the phone with my sister as well as writing on Facebook when a strong gust of wind beat against my bedroom window. The meteorologist from KSDK News Channel 5 said the wind was a gust front caused by the storm behind it. Gusts reached 62 mph in St. Charles. It is believed that some building damage occurred along I-70 and Highway 40. It hailed in O'Fallon, and trees fell, causing powerlines to also go down. Right now, I am sitting on my bed listening to the thunderstorm--the perfect mood for this post.

With the stage set, allow me to get to the heart of the matter. Many changes have happened, are happening, and will happen in my life. Both internal and external circumstances characterize these changes. My sister and best friend, Rachel, moved to Indiana last Thursday. She will start seminary Tuesday. Friends of mine have also already left MBU. Currently, I am in the process of moving to the dorms. I will check-in and officially move in Welcome Weekend (this weekend, August 17). I will meet my roommate, go to my first dorm meeting, and I will begin my first class of the fall semester the following Monday. Also the following Monday, I will begin working with a new boss. Undergoing these changes isn't easy. I am trying to take it one day at a time and trust God for everything to work out okay, for strength, for the ability to adjust, for a positive attitude... for the future.

On top of this, I just experienced a severely trying and emotional weekend. Its effects will most likely linger into the weekends ahead. One of my parents is giving me worse trouble than usual, specifically regarding my service in church. I have been training for three months to run sound with an awesome girl named Krys. I very much enjoy running sound. I think it is the closest I have gotten to serving in a ministry area that fits/uses my S.H.A.P.E. (spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences). I have learned so much since I started and was able this weekend to mix successfully almost by myself.

I quit the team.

My dad commanded that I not serve on Saturdays anymore. He has said such things before, but this time he said it as a command and with authority. This time I was worn down past the point of fighting back. This time, I listened.

Whoa.

It is not every day I don't go down without a fight. I want the constant battle on the weekends to stop so badly. I am tired of going rounds with him. Amidst all the changes, I only felt able to obey. I felt as though I had nothing else left in me. I would love to enjoy my dad and for him to enjoy me, but that is not the way it is.

After I wrote that I quit the team, I stared at the sentence for a little while. It was hard for me to continue typing after that. Did I really quit the team? Something I've discovered I am passionate about doing, something I've trained for and was becoming good at, and something in which I truly felt like I was contributing to the Kingdom and to the mission of Meadow Heights Church has ceased.

I will discuss my dad's motive, the turn-around Saturday night, and evens that followed my quitting, Lord willing, sometime soon. It is still thundering....

Desiring God Coverage of the Bridge Disaster

On the Don't Waste Your Life Facebook group, the Director of Resource Strategies from Desiring God posted a link to their compilation of video from the disaster scene set to one of John Piper's sermons. It is around six minutes long. You should check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wG0dhA_RT8

You can also find it on the Don't Waste Your Life web site. Actually, I encourage you to check out the web site anyway. It's great.