Change, Part 1

I have a very sober post to write.

Tonight I was talking on the phone with my sister as well as writing on Facebook when a strong gust of wind beat against my bedroom window. The meteorologist from KSDK News Channel 5 said the wind was a gust front caused by the storm behind it. Gusts reached 62 mph in St. Charles. It is believed that some building damage occurred along I-70 and Highway 40. It hailed in O'Fallon, and trees fell, causing powerlines to also go down. Right now, I am sitting on my bed listening to the thunderstorm--the perfect mood for this post.

With the stage set, allow me to get to the heart of the matter. Many changes have happened, are happening, and will happen in my life. Both internal and external circumstances characterize these changes. My sister and best friend, Rachel, moved to Indiana last Thursday. She will start seminary Tuesday. Friends of mine have also already left MBU. Currently, I am in the process of moving to the dorms. I will check-in and officially move in Welcome Weekend (this weekend, August 17). I will meet my roommate, go to my first dorm meeting, and I will begin my first class of the fall semester the following Monday. Also the following Monday, I will begin working with a new boss. Undergoing these changes isn't easy. I am trying to take it one day at a time and trust God for everything to work out okay, for strength, for the ability to adjust, for a positive attitude... for the future.

On top of this, I just experienced a severely trying and emotional weekend. Its effects will most likely linger into the weekends ahead. One of my parents is giving me worse trouble than usual, specifically regarding my service in church. I have been training for three months to run sound with an awesome girl named Krys. I very much enjoy running sound. I think it is the closest I have gotten to serving in a ministry area that fits/uses my S.H.A.P.E. (spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, and experiences). I have learned so much since I started and was able this weekend to mix successfully almost by myself.

I quit the team.

My dad commanded that I not serve on Saturdays anymore. He has said such things before, but this time he said it as a command and with authority. This time I was worn down past the point of fighting back. This time, I listened.

Whoa.

It is not every day I don't go down without a fight. I want the constant battle on the weekends to stop so badly. I am tired of going rounds with him. Amidst all the changes, I only felt able to obey. I felt as though I had nothing else left in me. I would love to enjoy my dad and for him to enjoy me, but that is not the way it is.

After I wrote that I quit the team, I stared at the sentence for a little while. It was hard for me to continue typing after that. Did I really quit the team? Something I've discovered I am passionate about doing, something I've trained for and was becoming good at, and something in which I truly felt like I was contributing to the Kingdom and to the mission of Meadow Heights Church has ceased.

I will discuss my dad's motive, the turn-around Saturday night, and evens that followed my quitting, Lord willing, sometime soon. It is still thundering....