The Empty Nest

With both of their daughters out of the house and living in St. Louis, my parents are going through the adjustment stage in life. It's interesting to observe how they handle it differently. My mom keeps to herself and is truly happy about Rachel and I be able to do what we're doing by the grace of God. She is adjusting, but she is keeping a clear and good perspective on the big picture.

My dad is another story...

Allow me to give a little background info on my dad before I continue. My dad is great. He has a solid foundation of Christ, can be extremely lame and funny, and seems to be able to build, repair, or maintain anything. He can turn nothing into something. He's good at that. He is analytical and, at least he appears to me, brave. We have so much fun watching baseball together and M*A*S*H reruns, in which we can quote almost any line. (One time, we spent an entire trip in Wal-Mart quoting and laughing about National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.)

Now for the nitty-gritty. My dad does NOT like our being gone and wants us to be home every weekend. Though he knows it is a good thing for us to be in St. Louis working and/or going to school, he still has trouble coping with the fact that our lives are primarily up here and not in Fredericktown. I understand he is adjusting; that is not the problem. The problem is that he is very apparent and "jokingly" (as he says) gives guilt trips (though he says he intends for them not to be). Consequently, my sister and I feel an obligation to be home on the weekends.

This wouldn't be as big of a problem if my sister and I were not so involved in church. My dad has the strong belief that because our church family is a Baptist church, it couldn't go very deep in Christ. According to him, they don't have the revelation he has. I have a problem with this: he bashes our church family when he has only been at a gathering a few times? He sterotypes Baptist churches and is convinced that our service as a part of one is a waste of time?! It seems he fails to consider that some kids don't get to go home every weekend. It'd be great if he was grateful for our just being home on the weekends.

I don't want to put my dad in a bad light. I want to reiterate how a great a man he is. I don't want to dishonor him. I know that if he knew I was even writing this he'd be upset.

I am writing this because fellow students can identify with this pain that we experience with our parents. One handles it well; one doesn't. One keeps it in perspective; one blames other things and "unintentionally" gives guilt trips. (For example, "I won't always be around, you know.")

If you are in the situation in which you have a parent who seems to be extra paranoid and is having trouble letting go, try something my dad uses on my grandmother sometimes and my sister in turn uses on my dad:

When your parent expresses some paranoia or negativity, turn it into a joke. Your parent will probably laugh off your response, and his or her mind will be at ease. For example, my sister and I were going to cross the road from the Wa-Mart in Desloge to McDonald's. My dad said something to the effect of, "Be careful crossing the street. Make sure you look both ways for the cars." My sister wittingly replied, "No, Dad, we're just going to walk right out in front of the traffic."

"Ha, ha, ha..." He laughed it off, and the paranoia subsided.

Pretty cool, huh?