Giving Them Up

I must say that sometimes God's workings in my life are easier to see than others. Last weekend, God used the Word, church, and Jim Elliot to show me a couple things I had been withholding from Him. It is a painful thing of which to think--I have chambers of my heart that I have not allowed God's light to penetrate. I didn't even realize it until I was sitting in a service with my head bowed and when I was sitting outside my dad's shed on a beautiful, breezy August day.

First, I was in a relationship and sensing that I could not experience the intimacy with Christ for which I longed and seek what the Lord wants me to do after graduation. After the relationship ended, my fellowship with the Lord became rich, and my delight in Him soared. The Lord began to show me things in His Word.

Second, my church family has been talking about authority lately. In last weekend's service, during our time of prayer, my pastor had us ask the question, "What have I not given to God?" The Holy Spirit pressed on me that I had not given the Lord retinitis pigmentosa. My heart broke a little. The song that was being sung fit the thoughts that I was grasping for in my mind, and I began to cry. Honest before the Lord, I told Him of my challenge in trusting Him with it (which is ludicrous), asked in advance for the help I knew I'd need to continually submit to Him in this, and gave it to Him. I told Him of how uneven the exchange is and how disgusting was the gift I was laying at His feet. Think of the love, life, grace, joy, etc., and Himself that He gives me in exchange for what?--Sin, a disease, and a fragile vessel. How uneven! [Smile] And how glorious! I was filled with joy and thankfulness at the end of my prayer. He is so gracious and merciful.

Third: I was sitting on the ramp to my dad's shed that Sunday afternoon, reading Shadow of the Almighty while my dad was building a lean-to from some material he got from our cousin. The weather was gorgeous, and I savored the sounds of the wind blowing through our huge maple and the birds singing. I read these words from Elliot to Betty (Elisabeth Elliot) while still resolved not to marry her:

"Dearest Betty, I charge you in the name of our Unfailing Friend, do away with all waverings, bewilderment, and wonder. You have bargained for a cross. Overcome anything in the confidence of your union with Him, so that contemplating trial, enduring persecution or loneliness, you may know the blessings of the 'joy set before.' 'We are the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.' And what are sheep doing going into the gate? What is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks, then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise." (Elliot 89)

After reading the first three sentences of this paragraph, I realized that I had not given marriage to God. That was one department I wanted to take care of myself. Well, Elliot was right. I had bargained for a cross. I first and foremost have a union with Christ. This union will not be broken. I am married to Christ before I will ever be married to a man. Withholding marriage or anything else from God is putting myself above Him because I am still hanging on to control. Right?

The remainder of the paragraph is also worth noting; however, I cannot think of many words to explain or expound upon what Elliot has already masterfully written. All I have is my interpretation: We are to live a life of sacrifice to God, be at His disposal for whatever He pleases, and not be all into ourselves. Sheep are dumb; even so, we must rely on our Shepherd.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Better Acquainted with Jim Elliot

Last Friday I went down to Jewett to visit some friends of mine from high school before moving back up here to the STL. After lunch we went down to the St. Francois River to swim--well, they went down to swim; I opted to stay on the bank and read. As I read more of Shadow of the Almighty, the Lord showed me something of which I did not know I was guilty. The first paragraph in full of one of Jim Elliot's letters:

"He was ready to throw Christianity overboard and turn modernist, terrifically confused because of all he saw pawned off in the name of Christ. Well, I happened to run into this fellow last Tuesday, and, sensing a little of his trouble, made a date to talk with him yesterday. He thinks now that he and I are the only heretics around here, and is glad he has found such a liberal as I am who believes that a man does not have to come all at once into the family of God with a jolt and accompanying spinal exhilarations. Personally, I wasn't 'saved' all at once, but took some years coming into my present settled convictions about the truth of God. So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others? Christ healed men differently. Some, in absentia--He spoke a word, and there was a lightning-fast reaction. Others He touched, spat upon, made clay, spoke to and questioned, then when they saw men 'as trees walking' He went through the whole process again. Let not him who accepts light in an instant despise him who gropes months in shadows. It took the Twelve three years to apprehend what was being shown them. The natural, so often illustrative of the spiritual, teaches that healing and growth, yea, even birth, are processes, and I think we altar-callers often perform abortions in our haste to see 'results.'" (Elliot 78)

I identified with Elliot's process of conversion; it wasn't instantaneous for me either. Because of this, I was shocked and amazed to read the question, "So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others?" I suddenly understood. My general perspective was that people need to hear the Gospel, repent, and be saved, and that all in short increments of each other. I failed to consider that other people's conversion might take much time like mine. When I think over how the Lord's led me to Himself, it seems like slow motion.

In summary, I--and you--must remember that people are men, women, and children with minds, emotions, personalities, et cetera. The Lord will work in them as He pleases.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Getting to Know Jim Elliot

I am currently reading a book about Jim Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty, for which his wife Elisabeth Elliot compiled his letter and journal excerpts. I feel like I can see into his heart. God uses Elliot's hunger for knowledge of and intimacy with God to inspire me and convict me at the same time. I want to be more diligent in the spiritual disciplines. Elliot's faith and zest for life are evident in the pages of this book. I relate to the inner struggles he expresses in his writings regarding his relationship with God and God's will, but I cannot relate at all with his boldness and confidence. I have developed a deep admiration and respect for him.

I find his handling of his relationship with "Betty" (Elisabeth Elliot) instructive--not in the sense that I should do as he did; that would be erroneous in that I am not a man but a woman. Rather it is instructive in the sense that it gives me an idea of how a man should approach a relationship of such nature. He toiled over her and exercised patience toward God. When they realized they loved each other, and while Elliot knew God was preparing him for the mission field, he "offered her up as a sacrifice" to God. He wanted to be wholly devoted to Christ.

This is more evident in Chapter 6, in which he expressed a sell-out attitude. He felt intensely driven to the field. Things became black and white for him. This was after he had written repeatedly about the Lord's leading.

I have much more to read, but I already feel sure of recommending this book. If you choose to read it, note it is important to read the introduction and prologue. You will realize Elisabeth's heart in her work and learn a bit more about Jim Elliot.