Giving Them Up

I must say that sometimes God's workings in my life are easier to see than others. Last weekend, God used the Word, church, and Jim Elliot to show me a couple things I had been withholding from Him. It is a painful thing of which to think--I have chambers of my heart that I have not allowed God's light to penetrate. I didn't even realize it until I was sitting in a service with my head bowed and when I was sitting outside my dad's shed on a beautiful, breezy August day.

First, I was in a relationship and sensing that I could not experience the intimacy with Christ for which I longed and seek what the Lord wants me to do after graduation. After the relationship ended, my fellowship with the Lord became rich, and my delight in Him soared. The Lord began to show me things in His Word.

Second, my church family has been talking about authority lately. In last weekend's service, during our time of prayer, my pastor had us ask the question, "What have I not given to God?" The Holy Spirit pressed on me that I had not given the Lord retinitis pigmentosa. My heart broke a little. The song that was being sung fit the thoughts that I was grasping for in my mind, and I began to cry. Honest before the Lord, I told Him of my challenge in trusting Him with it (which is ludicrous), asked in advance for the help I knew I'd need to continually submit to Him in this, and gave it to Him. I told Him of how uneven the exchange is and how disgusting was the gift I was laying at His feet. Think of the love, life, grace, joy, etc., and Himself that He gives me in exchange for what?--Sin, a disease, and a fragile vessel. How uneven! [Smile] And how glorious! I was filled with joy and thankfulness at the end of my prayer. He is so gracious and merciful.

Third: I was sitting on the ramp to my dad's shed that Sunday afternoon, reading Shadow of the Almighty while my dad was building a lean-to from some material he got from our cousin. The weather was gorgeous, and I savored the sounds of the wind blowing through our huge maple and the birds singing. I read these words from Elliot to Betty (Elisabeth Elliot) while still resolved not to marry her:

"Dearest Betty, I charge you in the name of our Unfailing Friend, do away with all waverings, bewilderment, and wonder. You have bargained for a cross. Overcome anything in the confidence of your union with Him, so that contemplating trial, enduring persecution or loneliness, you may know the blessings of the 'joy set before.' 'We are the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.' And what are sheep doing going into the gate? What is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks, then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise." (Elliot 89)

After reading the first three sentences of this paragraph, I realized that I had not given marriage to God. That was one department I wanted to take care of myself. Well, Elliot was right. I had bargained for a cross. I first and foremost have a union with Christ. This union will not be broken. I am married to Christ before I will ever be married to a man. Withholding marriage or anything else from God is putting myself above Him because I am still hanging on to control. Right?

The remainder of the paragraph is also worth noting; however, I cannot think of many words to explain or expound upon what Elliot has already masterfully written. All I have is my interpretation: We are to live a life of sacrifice to God, be at His disposal for whatever He pleases, and not be all into ourselves. Sheep are dumb; even so, we must rely on our Shepherd.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.