Believe me when I tell you that God is the best. He is the only One worth living for. Please hunger for Him and thirst for Him. I know that only God Himself can make you actually desire Him. I pray that He would.
"You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek.' Hide not your face from me...." (Psalm 27:8-9)
These past two weeks have tried me. I believe I am in a season of mourning and oppression. It works in cycles--God's sustaining me rather. When I hit a low, He refreshes me momentarily before the next low. I, however, during this season, do not ever reach the mountain peak, except sometimes when in corporate worship or in what people call "quiet time" with Him. Trouble hits me from all sides it seems. The burden I carry is pressing against my chest, as if to crush me from its weight. Daily I am afflicted. I think of these words from the Sons of Korah:
"My tears have been my food day and night, as they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'" (Psalm 42:3)
And from David:
"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (Psalm 25:16-18)
In the same psalm he says,
"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." (v. 10)
Why did the Sons of Korah and David cry out to the Lord in their trouble? They walked close with the Lord. They trusted Him and recognized that He is their Lord and their very present Help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). In this season I must love the Lord my God, obey His voice, and cling to Him, for He is my life (Deuteronomy 30:20). I had trouble with this last week. I was still trying to take care of things by my own power (what power?), and my feet were getting more and more caught up in the net. Probably gradually, God turned my heart back toward Him, and now I can say,
"My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net." (v. 15)
The thing is I don't know when my complete deliverance from this season will come. Therefore, I hope I respond like David in Psalm 27:
"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (vv. 13-14)
This is hard. Whoever said Christianity is easy was dead wrong and didn't know much about Christianity. Following Christ, being faithful to Him, is grace-filled like our conversion. We cannot do it without Him! Praise God for that! The same One who shone the light of His life in our hearts also changes us from one degree of glory to another.
The Lord knows my heart's cries to Him. He has heard my weeping and groaning and hyperventilating. He is present with me through it all. I knew it as I was pouring myself out to Him two Mondays ago, and I know it now as I feel the most peace I've felt in a long while. I listened to "None But Jesus" earlier by Hillsong United, and God led me to write this blog post. I sung the words and meant them.
"... There is no One else for me, none but Jesus. Crucified to set me free, now I live to bring Him praise...."
I desperately want God. I want Him to consume me. I long for singlemindedness and wholeheartedness instead of these distractions and interruptions that continually tear at me. Praise the Lord!
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