Spur of the Moment...

I am finishing up my lunch break and thinking about something new--or maybe something old that I've forgotten.

The past couple days I have been stressed to what I think is near my limit. I feel as though I am mentally exhausted. For about a third of the semester, beginning around mid-term, I slacked. Now, I am paying the price of my bad decisions. I have three papers due in my theology class (two of which are book reports), a research paper in my cross-cultural class (for which I am going to turn in the rsearch paper I wrote in English Comp. II to alleviate some anxiety), a paper over a cultural activity for World Literary Types (for which I am going to tweak the cultural activity paper I wrote for my cross-cultural class earlier this semester), and an audio script for my final exam in Writing for Audio and Video. Package all that with my ever-present Greek work--which I forecast to become the ever-present "thorn in my side"--and you have one stressed out university sophomore.

Then this moment came. I was sitting at a desk in the EXCEL Office, where I work, with my head resting on my arms. I was thinking yet again how stressed out I am, and then that something new--or something old forgotten--passed in my mind. Paraphrased, "You're looking at your circumstances too much. You need to look at God, and you'll circumstances will shrink." I gazed upon the beauty and glory of Christ, and, indeed, the looming assignments did shrink to normal size. The stress is here in me right now as I write, however; but I do not feel as though a wire in my mind is going to snap from the pressure anymore.

Afterward, I thought realized something else--something equally profound if not more: I am writing a paper in theology about Knowing God (J.I. Packer) in which I wrote that knowing God is everything--it is the most important thing we can do--and here I am stressing uncontrallably as if there is no God in heaven. He is beautiful and the only One who ultimately matters. It is so easy to distract ourselves with meaningless problems of this world, but if we really know God--if I really know God--why bother distracting ourselves in the first place? He is so infinitely marvelous that how could we ever take our eyes off Him? Our attention off Him? Nothing else is worth more of our time, energy, life... However, the truth is, that as long as we live on this earth, we are going to distract ourselves because we are made of flesh and blood, and we constantly battle our human nature. When you really contemplate it--perhaps it is not so much a hidden understanding but an obvious one we Christians take for granted--without Christ, we'd be worse than dirt. Before Christianity, we don't even want God or His ways. How dare we! God, who is holy and glorious, is the only One who is good (Mark 10:18), and we don't give Him the time of day.

So, I'm sure that after redirecting my thoughts and reprioritizing, I will be much better off.