Learning How to Die

I've had five reconciliation experiences in the past month. I just finished one today. Your first thought might be, "What's your deal?" I don't blame you for asking. I've wondered the same thing. Scripture this past week has especially ministered to me by way of conviction, correction, and teaching. I am reminded that I have so much more to learn! (It's a good thing I like to learn...) I have not been walking in wisdom, or at least I feel so confused. I talk to some trusted people who tell me one thing, and then I talk to other trusted people who tell me the opposite. Dare I forget to examine the Scriptures? I appeal to Psalm 19:8b.

I must say the Lord has used experiences in the past month to humble me. I feel very young and in need of much wisdom and growth. It motivates me to want to lean on God more. It's a beautiful thing, though I feel so unlovely. Bittersweet, I guess. Reflecting on this brings a song from Jon Foreman's "Winter" EP to mind. Part of "Learning How to Die" goes like this:

"All along thought I was learning how to take,

how to bend, not how to break,

how to laugh, not how to cry,

but really I've been learning how to die."

I'm thankful that the Lord loves me so much that He'll take me through momentary pain to make me more holy in the end. The passage I've been studying for a school assignment is relevant. Isaiah 1:21-31 presents God's plan to restore unfaithful Judah through judgment. He's going to refine them by fire, removing Judah's unbelievers until a remnant of obedient people are left. That's what He's doing to me. He's little by little removing my impurities so that eventually I'll be pure silver. This means my flesh must die.

So thankful.... The Lord is loving even in His discipline. Read Hebrews 12 and Psalm 19. They're really good! :)