Sin, Grace, Jude, and James

For a while, maybe a week, I could feel my heart turning toward my former manner of life, in which I was supposedly in charge and definitely devoid of the Spirit of Christ and belief in the gospel. During this time, discipline--especially spiritual disciplines like Bible intake and prayer--was waning and my indulgence in idleness and entertainment growing. I tried to make myself pray in the evenings and meditate on God's majesty with thanksgiving on my walks in the mornings, but I sensed that my heart was not fully in them, that my affections were not wholly stirred, and I soon gave up--or you could say, gave in. I did not do what I knew I ought to do, which is sin (James 4:17).

Once sin begins, if not interrupted by the grace of Jesus Christ, it will snowball. Today was the culmination. I neglected the Word, rushed prayer, struggled to keep even my personal discipline of walking a mile, and found myself sinning in ways I haven't in a long while (mainly grumbling and complaining). The worst of it, though, was lack of desire to change. I stepped outside the house to go on my walk, shut the screen door, and thought, "I don't care."

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:12-15)

I listened to about half of a sermon by C.J. Mahaney on Jude ("Contend," part two of two in Jude series) while I walked. Shortly before finishing the mile I realized that Mahaney's words directly pertained to me. One of his points was from v. 21 ("keep yourselves in the love of God..."). The sub-points that followed answered the question, how? From the text, he answers (1) build up yourselves in faith (e.g., preach the gospel to yourself every day), (2) pray in the Holy Spirit, and (3) wait for the Lord's mercy. Okay, so how am I doing with these? Epic fail.

Remorse began for all the sins I mentioned above, beginning with remorse for grumbling and complaining. While I showered, I asked the Lord to give me a right heart and a new song (literally, a new song to sing and worship in the shower) and forgiveness and recounted the gospel with thankfulness. I sang the hymn the Lord gave me. My heart was then turning toward the way I should go--submission to Christ. Now, before I go to sleep, the desire to please my Lord is in me and even affection.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. (James 1:16-18)

I write all that as a foundation for this: This afternoon I shared this experience with a brother and sister in the Lord as we discussed man's desire for autonomy, the nature of sin, and the use of Scripture in resisting temptation and putting off sin/putting on Christ. We discussed the sin snowball effect. Then, tonight as I was preparing for bed, I listened to the back half of the sermon, and Jude and Mahaney confirmed what we were saying: "If I'm not praying, then it reveals for me, at least, the presence of pride and self-sufficiency," and again,

If you neglect this imperative, to keep yourselves in the love of God,... it will have a subtle but gradual and inevitable effect on your soul. Yes, it will. And eventually what is subtle will become obvious because if you neglect this passage [Jude 20-22] and the application of this passage, you neglect this passage to the detriment of your soul. And eventually you will reap. I know because I have neglected this passage at times and then experience the dullness in my soul, diminished affections for the Savior, diminished desire to read His Word. I know what it's like. I look in my soul and say, "You're not as affectionate and passionate as you once were."... If your heart is dull or hard, you arrive there by a daily neglect of this verse... You can keep yourself in the love of God by doing, by the grace of God, what you should have been doing all along--preaching the gospel to yourself, praying, and waiting... Gradually, over a period of time, you will know a restored affection for the Savior.

Thank you, Lord, for your Word and your Word preached and that you keep us (Jude 1, 21, 24).

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. (James 1:19-21)