Isaiah 41

I have been studying Isaiah for a while. Today I read Ch. 41. It starts out with God describing His sovereignty over world events. God uses even secular world leaders like unbelieving Cyrus the Great to accomplish His purposes, and unbelieving nations do not realize that His hand is working. When they see the Lord act, they fear and tremble, but they do not turn to the Lord. Instead, they work together to create more gods (idols) to worship and in whom to hope.

Then God reminds Israel that He chose them. He chose them from the beginning. He remembers His covenant with them. And He tells them, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand" (v. 10). This same Israel who rebelled against the Lord, this same Israel who partnered with unbelieving nations around her--God will help her.

Isaiah 41 continues with Israel's opponents being no match for the LORD God. Because of the Lord's devotion to His people, He will not let Israel's opponents stand. They will go to nothing. He holds Israel's right hand, none other's. God then reiterates again that He Himself is the One who helps Israel, so they have no reason to fear (v. 13). He will give her the victory, and He will receive the glory. He will use her against the nations.Then God will give aid to the poor and needy in ways that are unnatural, so that the nations will know that God is the One who has done all this.

I see myself in this passage. I was filled with hope in reading God's commitment to protect and uphold His people in covenant faithfulness because I know that He has that same commitment to me. Israel was a harlot, but God never forsook her. I am like her. Israel experienced oppression, exile, and many threats, but God is her God, and He is with her and for her. I am like her because in my suffering God never faints or grows weary, and walks with me, having suffered before me.

I am seeing and experiencing His love afresh. It is in this passage. It is in my life. Lately I have had many questions and concerns about my calling, ministry, education, and understanding and application of biblical womanhood. I felt lost, which in this case, I think, was a good thing. I have come to realize that fear of making a wrong decision about the future paralyzed me from making any decision at all. But God has helped me and is helping me. He is speaking to me and guiding me through Scripture, sermons, friendly counsel, and prayer. I was never lost. He found me long ago. Thanks be to Jesus Christ!

I have no reason to fear. God is with me. When God Himself is with me, who or what can stand against me? Even failure and loneliness is no match for the living God. "...the LORD is God in heaven above and on the earth beneath; there is no other" (Deuteronomy 4:39).

I Was a Feminist and Didn't Know It: My New Quest

I am on a new quest these days to learn all I can about biblical womanhood, women's ministry, and what my role is. I have desired to serve in women's ministry for about three years. The heart behind that desire has changed though in the recent months. I started with the desire to the serve the church, then that desire narrowed to teaching Sunday School, and then it further narrowed to teaching women, simply because that is what SBC said was appropriate. I understood the actual teaching and discipleship as being fundamentally the same as teaching and discipling men.

Now my heart wants to minister to women not because of obligation but because I want to see young women grow into faithful women of God who defy the culture's skewed view of women and who stand strong against gender confusions. I realize now that a difference between men's discipleship and women's discipleship does exist by virtue of the fact that men and women are different.

God has humbled me. He has used different ways to do it. He has shown me that I know nothing and need to get busy learning from seasoned, godly women and preparing for who He wants me to be and what He wants me to do. I listened to a podcast message tonight from True Woman. In it, Mary Kassian gave a overview of the material she covers in her book about feminism. While she shared a brief history of feminism, I realized that I am a feminist who professed complementarianism. (What?!) Yes, it is true. As Nancy Leigh DeMoss points out at the end of the message, feminism has even permeated the Church in North America. I see that. I used to work from the feminist framework that women's ministry was just a ministry on the side--a place to put women who were gifted in teaching and leading in spiritual formation but would go against the rule of teaching men if they were not put in their own corner. I bought into the belief that women were second-class and men called the shots, even in church. Such a tainted framework mixed with pride produced my ignorant stance that I did not need gender-specific instruction for ministry and that I might even be better-off for learning under men and experiencing dominant male influence throughout my life.

But God tore down the framework and spoiled my pride. He brought me low. Now He is building me back up for a right form. I am realizing that women's ministry is beautiful and necessary. Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Mary Kassian, Elyse Fitzpatrick, Joni Erickson Tada, and many other wonderful women are on a mission. And I think I want to join them.

Learning How to Die

I've had five reconciliation experiences in the past month. I just finished one today. Your first thought might be, "What's your deal?" I don't blame you for asking. I've wondered the same thing. Scripture this past week has especially ministered to me by way of conviction, correction, and teaching. I am reminded that I have so much more to learn! (It's a good thing I like to learn...) I have not been walking in wisdom, or at least I feel so confused. I talk to some trusted people who tell me one thing, and then I talk to other trusted people who tell me the opposite. Dare I forget to examine the Scriptures? I appeal to Psalm 19:8b.

I must say the Lord has used experiences in the past month to humble me. I feel very young and in need of much wisdom and growth. It motivates me to want to lean on God more. It's a beautiful thing, though I feel so unlovely. Bittersweet, I guess. Reflecting on this brings a song from Jon Foreman's "Winter" EP to mind. Part of "Learning How to Die" goes like this:

"All along thought I was learning how to take,

how to bend, not how to break,

how to laugh, not how to cry,

but really I've been learning how to die."

I'm thankful that the Lord loves me so much that He'll take me through momentary pain to make me more holy in the end. The passage I've been studying for a school assignment is relevant. Isaiah 1:21-31 presents God's plan to restore unfaithful Judah through judgment. He's going to refine them by fire, removing Judah's unbelievers until a remnant of obedient people are left. That's what He's doing to me. He's little by little removing my impurities so that eventually I'll be pure silver. This means my flesh must die.

So thankful.... The Lord is loving even in His discipline. Read Hebrews 12 and Psalm 19. They're really good! :)

"Foolish Games"

I heard this song last Wednesday. I hadn't heard it in a long while. It was in my head this morning and throughout the day.... Sometimes when I struggle to process pain, music and tears seem to be the only way I can let it out.... It was a hard day today, a hard week.... The lyrics don't fully apply, but some do--some do very well. It's mostly the mood of the song and the emotion the music evokes that resonate.

But I won't stay here. I refuse to stay here. I must look to Jesus. My mourning will turn into dancing when I turn to Him. My emotions will follow. I can always lean on His everlasting arms.

Thinking: A Poem

Thinking, thinking

Droning, droning

On and on the wheel spins

The cog races in its circuit

When will the end be?

When quiet is the victor

And laughter turns its face to fools

Dream on; it will come

Questions, questions

Complaints, complaints

Through and through rotten all

The squirrel finds empty acorns

What will the end be?

What ceaseless brightness pervades

And Love outshines the twinkling stars

Dream on; it will come

Raging, raging

Hiding, hiding

By and by a war brews

The blackout beckons confusion

How will the end be?

How the death does breathe its last

And smoke desists for purity

Dream on; it will come

Impressions

[These next two posts are poems I wrote some time ago. The first I wrote last summer, and the second last January.]

Impressions

Friendly, open, attractive

Looks like that punk

Initial impressions

Impressions

Bold, honest, different

Sits where he wants

Curious impressions

Impressions

Attentive, real, kind

Swarms with mad skill

Charming impressions

Impressions

Distant, quiet, busy

Thinks not of it

Confused impressions

Impressions

Blind, tired, settled

Says no good thing

Sinking impressions

I am sinking

Words

I watched the movie The Help tonight with family. It reminded me of the power of words. Since I learned to write, I've written. I did not have a cause at first; I just wrote to express my thoughts and feelings. I enjoyed it. In middle school, I wanted to not only express myself but also express meaning. In high school, I used the school newspaper to gain a voice. I also learned to write differently for different genres. Then in college, the meaning I wished to convey became a message. Somewhere between middle school and high school graduation, God made me alive in Jesus Christ (Eph. 2:4-9), as if I awoke from sleep (Eph. 5:14). Sometimes I share the message here. And sometimes it touches lives.

Tonight I experienced the power of words to hurt. Some decisions are very tough. Though my initial response was self-pity and a little anger, I knew that that was no way to go about it. Even now, God redeems the circumstances. I turn back to Him. He wastes nothing. His gospel, the one that is the power unto salvation (Rom. 1:16), is powerful still to sustain me. I do not have to respond in self-pity and anger anymore because Christ broke the bondage of sin. I can choose to respond in faith and courage by the power of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 5 says to understand what the will of the Lord is. Well, I do know this: God wants me to trust Him to give me the wisdom for each decision and the words to say in tough conversations. It's gonna be okay. I am sure that I will witness once again, as always, God's grace prevail.

I am only the instrument. The gospel is the music with the lyrics for life.

God's Grace in Reconciliation

A friend of mine introduced me to the song "Oh My Dear" by Tenth Avenue North last Tuesday evening. It is about a man who visits his girlfriend because she has something to tell him. She sinned in some way and is afraid to confess the sin to him but knows she must. He reassures her of his commitment to her no matter what she did and to stick by her side as she puts off the sin. I am only acquainted with Tenth Avenue North, so I do not know the general content of their songs, but I will say that I do not hear many songs about confession of sin between two people. I appreciate it.

I appreciate it even more now because last night I was in a similar scenario. The specifics are different (such as the nature of the relationship), but it involved confession, a visit, and reconciliation. The main similarity was grace. God's grace was all over the situation. He led us to have humility and patience toward one another. In our confronting, listening, apologizing, explaining, and laughing, I see how His grace ended conflict and restored our friendship. If left to ourselves, I would probably be bitter now, and he'd still be confused. I am so thankful for the ultimate example of reconciliation in the gospel! Because God has reconciled us with Himself by the blood of Jesus Christ, we can reconcile our differences with one another. He not only gave us grace in saving us through faith, but He also continues to lavish grace on us in all wisdom and insight as we need it. Praise Him!

Like the song says, grace last night pulled us through.