My Anthem as a Segway into a Study of Romans 8

(The majority of this post was written 12/6/2008.) I have not blogged since... too long. Much has been going on--too much to include in a blog post--but rest assured that the Lord is still imparting grace and mercy to His children.

Though you do not know all the many details of my recent "joys" and "sorrows," I will tell you of a song fresh in my mind that reveals what I think many of us experience on the inside. Jon Foreman, in the song "Your Love is Strong" (Spring EP), sings, "Why do I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need. You know what I need. Your love is strong."


These lyrics could be the anthem of my semester. In Marriage and the Family today, Professor Puls read us a story about God's provision. We then spent the rest of the 55 minutes sharing stories about how God has come through for us in a way we could not foresee. Reflecting on this semester, I see how God has cared for me in the midst of my worrying and freaking out. I am sure He was calm all along. I did not see His hand working clearly but as through a darkened glass (Romans 8:11-12). God is mysterious, even to those who know and love Him, "for who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" (Romans 11:34) Even so, He cares for us. Perhaps if we would draw close to Him and seek His wisdom, we would mirror His steadfastness instead of wavering or shaking. Seriously, why do I worry or freak out? Romans 8:31-32.

I could incorporate more of Romans 8 into this post, but I've opted instead to do a study on the chapter in its entirety and plan to discuss it in my next post.

"None But Jesus"

Believe me when I tell you that God is the best. He is the only One worth living for. Please hunger for Him and thirst for Him. I know that only God Himself can make you actually desire Him. I pray that He would.

"You have said, 'Seek my face.' My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek.' Hide not your face from me...." (Psalm 27:8-9)

These past two weeks have tried me. I believe I am in a season of mourning and oppression. It works in cycles--God's sustaining me rather. When I hit a low, He refreshes me momentarily before the next low. I, however, during this season, do not ever reach the mountain peak, except sometimes when in corporate worship or in what people call "quiet time" with Him. Trouble hits me from all sides it seems. The burden I carry is pressing against my chest, as if to crush me from its weight. Daily I am afflicted. I think of these words from the Sons of Korah:

"My tears have been my food day and night, as they say to me all the day long, 'Where is your God?'" (Psalm 42:3)

And from David:

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (Psalm 25:16-18)

In the same psalm he says,

"All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies." (v. 10)

Why did the Sons of Korah and David cry out to the Lord in their trouble? They walked close with the Lord. They trusted Him and recognized that He is their Lord and their very present Help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). In this season I must love the Lord my God, obey His voice, and cling to Him, for He is my life (Deuteronomy 30:20). I had trouble with this last week. I was still trying to take care of things by my own power (what power?), and my feet were getting more and more caught up in the net. Probably gradually, God turned my heart back toward Him, and now I can say,

"My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net." (v. 15)

The thing is I don't know when my complete deliverance from this season will come. Therefore, I hope I respond like David in Psalm 27:

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!" (vv. 13-14)

This is hard. Whoever said Christianity is easy was dead wrong and didn't know much about Christianity. Following Christ, being faithful to Him, is grace-filled like our conversion. We cannot do it without Him! Praise God for that! The same One who shone the light of His life in our hearts also changes us from one degree of glory to another.

The Lord knows my heart's cries to Him. He has heard my weeping and groaning and hyperventilating. He is present with me through it all. I knew it as I was pouring myself out to Him two Mondays ago, and I know it now as I feel the most peace I've felt in a long while. I listened to "None But Jesus" earlier by Hillsong United, and God led me to write this blog post. I sung the words and meant them.

"... There is no One else for me, none but Jesus. Crucified to set me free, now I live to bring Him praise...."

I desperately want God. I want Him to consume me. I long for singlemindedness and wholeheartedness instead of these distractions and interruptions that continually tear at me. Praise the Lord!

Just a Blurb to Expound Upon Later

The fall of year is here, for which I am excited and refreshed. This past week I've developed a healthy desire to take a walk through the woods. Time has not cooperated, so I have yet to see my desire filled. I plan to try after work this evening, though I have plenty of schoolwork to keep me occupied. I think I will take Augustine with me on my walk to the park. I will walk with him, swing with him, and, hopefully, learn from him. I will have accomplished two things at the same time by doing this.

Yesterday I had such an intense thirst for solitude--well, not complete solitude; I wanted one-on-one time with God in a quiet place, particularly outside. I wanted to get away from all distraction and noise. I only wanted to hear the birds' songs and the crickets' ceaseless rhythms and the gentle voice of the Lord by His Spirit through His Word. I sat down on a grassy hill, almost hidden from sight, drinking some of the Scriptures. It was a good time, but only for a little while. I had to concede to my evening responsibilities.

We'll see. Maybe today.

Deactivate Facebook.

To inform all my friends on Facebook and anyone else who cares, I am going to deactivate my Facebook account very soon. If you need to get a hold of me, you can email me, write me, call me, comment on my blog, or--best of all--talk to me in person. Before I bring my Facebook tenure to a close, I will log everyone's contact information and birthdays into an Excel spreadsheet to create a contact list of sorts.

To answer the inevitable question, here are the reasons why I am abandoning Facebook (but not abandoning my friends):

1. Too popular--when things get trendy, I get out.
2. Superficiality--people don't have to be real on FB (it's so popular, it gets its own abbreviation); they can present whatever they want about themselves and edit their responses
3. Cowardice--FB is too often an excuse for someone to act like a coward. If someone doesn't have the nerve to talk to someone face to face, what does he do? He sends a FB message. In particular, I am thinking of those young men--and they are probably nice guys--who don't have the guts to talk to a girl of interest and proceed to ask her out via FB. Bad move! Trust me, guys, ladies would rather you talk to them in person about that one. I could elaborate, but I will sustain.
4. Lower-quality relationships--it is true that relationships on Facebook are real, though cyber; however, these relationships can never compare to person-to-person interaction--hearing someone's tone, seeing someone's facial expressions and body language, touching, and sharing material possesions. It is impersonal and much too convenient. (If you weren't on FB, how many people would tell you "happy birthday"? If people really care about your birthday, they'll congratulate you by other means, which I know requires more effort.) It is also illogical: Why would we want to decline to a lower quality of life with our friends? If people want relationships, shouldn't they strive for the best, namely, flesh and blood?
5. Bulding from reason #3, most of my FB friends are not actually my friends at all; they are my acquaintances, most of whom I rarely, if ever, speak to in person or online. Why would we want to deceive ourselves into thinking that we have a ton of friends when really we don't know them that well at all? How could anyone have 230 close friends?
6. It's a distraction and, thus, a waste of time. Think of how easy it is just to say to yourself, "I'll only be on there for a minute" and then end up being on there for a good hour or so. Really, we could do so much better with an hour than that. Not having FB around means I don't have to discipline myself about it.
7. Fewer emails--I will no longer have a list of emails to delete almost every time I check my inbox. (I understand that one can alter the settings for FB email notifications, but I used the emails as a way to know when to get on FB. Sometimes, even when I get an email from FB, I don't access my FB account.)
8. Facebook "society"--I am partially antisocial. I generally get along with everyone, whether by enjoyinng them or tolerating them, but--this may sound mean--there are some people at MBU who haven't matured yet. I don't like being around them on campus or online. Part of it is just my personality. People after a while drain me instead of energize me. I am an introvert, not an extravert.

My recent experience of FB hacking has further encouraged me to deactivate my acccount. Oh, the thought of being "disconnected from the world" is liberating! I like things simplified, and this is one step in that direction. Will anyone join me?

Let's Put the Whole Thing Off

I am falling--or maybe I have fallen--into the procrastination habit. I worked hard last semester to not procrastinate, but this year I have used extensive free time to indulge myself in hardly productive activities instead of keeping my nose to the grindstone. I have a huge project due at the end of semester in one of my classes that I have not even begun. How are far are we into FA-08? Oh, five weeks! I need to--if I may resort to cliche--get my tail in gear.

I have an assignment due this Friday and another due on Monday. Have I even commenced organizing material or reading? Not at all! I do have plans, however, to go out for ice cream, lead a small group meeting, and color with some ladies while watching Disney movies. I am sure I will find time, I think to myself. Of course, I need to finish last week's reading assignment first! Do you see my dilemma? I am sure you can identify with it very easily.

Procrastination is a potentially fatal disorder plaguing college students of epic proportions. What can we do to solve this problem? Will generation after generation fall into this trap and carry it into their professional lives? Something must be done. Let us brainstorm for a moment in our efforts... but first, I need to get back to work here in EXCEL. I'll think of ideas later.

180 + Greek

I've struggled with some things as of late. These struggles include anger, frustration, confusion, heartache, pity, and disappointment. My respect for certain authority figures came into question--I had so many questions. I have resolved not to release information about the circumstances themselves to the World Wide Web, and I will continue not to not share in the writing of this blog. I do, however, want to explain my current condition.

I have performed an almost 180-degree turn in my response to all that went down. I still have questions, but I think I have more answers. Even now, I want to bow my head deep and enter fervent prayer over this because of my change of heart--a change of heart that can only be credited to God. My respect for the authority figures I mentioned is restored, maybe heightened.

I horribly pre- and misjudged. I feel so sorry. I love my leaders dearly. I have come to realize my role in all this: to pray and nurture. As I was praying in the early morning hours of Sunday, words from the Psalms came to my mind, and the thought came to me that maybe that is why God is having me learn them--to share them in comforting my leaders (Oh, my heart goes out to them!) as well as my personal enjoyment of them and for His glory.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God." (Psalm 42:5-6)
________

To the second part of my post, Greek has been meaty. I like Greek class anyway, but since we have started working through Ephesians, I have gained a new appreciation for the class. I love going through Paul's letter! I am learning so much about Greek syntax and Ephesians, and I like how Dr. McClain designed the work as a group effort. Koine Greek is such a beautiful language to me, and, of course, it is the perfect language for the New Testament, as the perfect God so perfectly chose it. New Testament Greek is so much more specific than English. It has admirable nuances, and the Greek letters themselves are pleasing to the eye. Am I rambling like a mad college student? I apologize.

I encourage you to learn Greek. It is time-consuming and what I like to call "ever-present," but it is worth all the time and effort you put into it. It can enhance your Bible study. There are things in the Greek New Testament that cannot be translated into English with its full meaning intact. Also, by knowing how to parse, diagram, understand syntax, and translate, you may feel closer to God's Word. Does that sound strange? Maybe it does, but that's how it is for me.

Please pray for me as I plan to do a couple things in the near future that will make me and the people to whom I talk vulnerable and of which are a heavy burden for me. Thank you.

Giving Them Up

I must say that sometimes God's workings in my life are easier to see than others. Last weekend, God used the Word, church, and Jim Elliot to show me a couple things I had been withholding from Him. It is a painful thing of which to think--I have chambers of my heart that I have not allowed God's light to penetrate. I didn't even realize it until I was sitting in a service with my head bowed and when I was sitting outside my dad's shed on a beautiful, breezy August day.

First, I was in a relationship and sensing that I could not experience the intimacy with Christ for which I longed and seek what the Lord wants me to do after graduation. After the relationship ended, my fellowship with the Lord became rich, and my delight in Him soared. The Lord began to show me things in His Word.

Second, my church family has been talking about authority lately. In last weekend's service, during our time of prayer, my pastor had us ask the question, "What have I not given to God?" The Holy Spirit pressed on me that I had not given the Lord retinitis pigmentosa. My heart broke a little. The song that was being sung fit the thoughts that I was grasping for in my mind, and I began to cry. Honest before the Lord, I told Him of my challenge in trusting Him with it (which is ludicrous), asked in advance for the help I knew I'd need to continually submit to Him in this, and gave it to Him. I told Him of how uneven the exchange is and how disgusting was the gift I was laying at His feet. Think of the love, life, grace, joy, etc., and Himself that He gives me in exchange for what?--Sin, a disease, and a fragile vessel. How uneven! [Smile] And how glorious! I was filled with joy and thankfulness at the end of my prayer. He is so gracious and merciful.

Third: I was sitting on the ramp to my dad's shed that Sunday afternoon, reading Shadow of the Almighty while my dad was building a lean-to from some material he got from our cousin. The weather was gorgeous, and I savored the sounds of the wind blowing through our huge maple and the birds singing. I read these words from Elliot to Betty (Elisabeth Elliot) while still resolved not to marry her:

"Dearest Betty, I charge you in the name of our Unfailing Friend, do away with all waverings, bewilderment, and wonder. You have bargained for a cross. Overcome anything in the confidence of your union with Him, so that contemplating trial, enduring persecution or loneliness, you may know the blessings of the 'joy set before.' 'We are the sheep of His pasture. Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise.' And what are sheep doing going into the gate? What is their purpose inside those courts? To bleat melodies and enjoy the company of the flock? No. Those sheep were destined for the altar. Their pasture feeding had been for one purpose, to test them and fatten them for bloody sacrifice. Give Him thanks, then, that you have been counted worthy of His altars. Enter into the work with praise." (Elliot 89)

After reading the first three sentences of this paragraph, I realized that I had not given marriage to God. That was one department I wanted to take care of myself. Well, Elliot was right. I had bargained for a cross. I first and foremost have a union with Christ. This union will not be broken. I am married to Christ before I will ever be married to a man. Withholding marriage or anything else from God is putting myself above Him because I am still hanging on to control. Right?

The remainder of the paragraph is also worth noting; however, I cannot think of many words to explain or expound upon what Elliot has already masterfully written. All I have is my interpretation: We are to live a life of sacrifice to God, be at His disposal for whatever He pleases, and not be all into ourselves. Sheep are dumb; even so, we must rely on our Shepherd.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Better Acquainted with Jim Elliot

Last Friday I went down to Jewett to visit some friends of mine from high school before moving back up here to the STL. After lunch we went down to the St. Francois River to swim--well, they went down to swim; I opted to stay on the bank and read. As I read more of Shadow of the Almighty, the Lord showed me something of which I did not know I was guilty. The first paragraph in full of one of Jim Elliot's letters:

"He was ready to throw Christianity overboard and turn modernist, terrifically confused because of all he saw pawned off in the name of Christ. Well, I happened to run into this fellow last Tuesday, and, sensing a little of his trouble, made a date to talk with him yesterday. He thinks now that he and I are the only heretics around here, and is glad he has found such a liberal as I am who believes that a man does not have to come all at once into the family of God with a jolt and accompanying spinal exhilarations. Personally, I wasn't 'saved' all at once, but took some years coming into my present settled convictions about the truth of God. So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others? Christ healed men differently. Some, in absentia--He spoke a word, and there was a lightning-fast reaction. Others He touched, spat upon, made clay, spoke to and questioned, then when they saw men 'as trees walking' He went through the whole process again. Let not him who accepts light in an instant despise him who gropes months in shadows. It took the Twelve three years to apprehend what was being shown them. The natural, so often illustrative of the spiritual, teaches that healing and growth, yea, even birth, are processes, and I think we altar-callers often perform abortions in our haste to see 'results.'" (Elliot 78)

I identified with Elliot's process of conversion; it wasn't instantaneous for me either. Because of this, I was shocked and amazed to read the question, "So why should I demand the conversion be immediate in all others?" I suddenly understood. My general perspective was that people need to hear the Gospel, repent, and be saved, and that all in short increments of each other. I failed to consider that other people's conversion might take much time like mine. When I think over how the Lord's led me to Himself, it seems like slow motion.

In summary, I--and you--must remember that people are men, women, and children with minds, emotions, personalities, et cetera. The Lord will work in them as He pleases.

Source: Elliot, Elisabeth. Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot. New York: HarperCollins, 1958.

Getting to Know Jim Elliot

I am currently reading a book about Jim Elliot, Shadow of the Almighty, for which his wife Elisabeth Elliot compiled his letter and journal excerpts. I feel like I can see into his heart. God uses Elliot's hunger for knowledge of and intimacy with God to inspire me and convict me at the same time. I want to be more diligent in the spiritual disciplines. Elliot's faith and zest for life are evident in the pages of this book. I relate to the inner struggles he expresses in his writings regarding his relationship with God and God's will, but I cannot relate at all with his boldness and confidence. I have developed a deep admiration and respect for him.

I find his handling of his relationship with "Betty" (Elisabeth Elliot) instructive--not in the sense that I should do as he did; that would be erroneous in that I am not a man but a woman. Rather it is instructive in the sense that it gives me an idea of how a man should approach a relationship of such nature. He toiled over her and exercised patience toward God. When they realized they loved each other, and while Elliot knew God was preparing him for the mission field, he "offered her up as a sacrifice" to God. He wanted to be wholly devoted to Christ.

This is more evident in Chapter 6, in which he expressed a sell-out attitude. He felt intensely driven to the field. Things became black and white for him. This was after he had written repeatedly about the Lord's leading.

I have much more to read, but I already feel sure of recommending this book. If you choose to read it, note it is important to read the introduction and prologue. You will realize Elisabeth's heart in her work and learn a bit more about Jim Elliot.

A Whole New World and a Deepened Admiration

I finished reading a few articles about linguistics, specifically neuro- and psycholinguistics. I had never heard of these research endeavors before this evening, when I ran across them via a scholarship opportunity on Fastweb. I am fascinated by this world of biology and psychology that I have newly discovered. One of the most interesting articles dealt with lexical functional grammar (LFG).

This summer, God seems to be showing me a side of Him in much greater detail, creating in me much greater awe. I am three weeks in to my summer classes, meteorology and biology. They both require a considerable amount of reading. In meteorology, I read about how small visible light is (think micrometers) and about how an average of 4.6 million pounds of air pressure push against our roofs from the outside.* In biology, I read about buffers in our bodies that keep our pH balance around 7.4 and that we'd die if our pH ever reached 7.0 or 7.8. So what am I saying? The side of God I am talking about is his gracious acts of creativity and sustaining life.

Think about the knowledge involved in the sciences. The neurolinguists and psycholinguists I read about must be well informed in multiple disciplines in order to study the brain's activity regarding language. God created the brain, language, and the scientists who study them. Think of how intelligent God must be. God in His omniscience created all of life in its complexity that mankind is striving to figure out in our limited--comparatively paltry--knowledge.

I was sitting on the tailgate of our truck overlooking the field and thinking about how God made everything interact just right to sustain life. God knew exactly what conditions were required for you and me to inhale and exhale continuously and knew just what to include in a cell to enable it to recycle the materials it uses. Did you know higher than we can see in the atmosphere a layer of chemicals shields most of the UV and virtually all of the X-ray and gamma radiation from reaching the lower atmosphere and killing us? God arranged everything so-so, just the way He wanted it.

I am in awe of God the more and more I learn about the world He created. So many things could exterminate us, but you and I are still here. We can thank God for that. He is so gracious.**

*You may be wondering why our roofs don't collapse. It because the air pressure inside a house is equal to the air pressure outside it. Since air pressure exerts force in all directions, the amount of pressure against the roof is equalized to zero from air pressing down on it and air pressing up on it.
**These last few thoughts follow John Piper's line of thinking in his message "Don't Waste Your Life." You can listen to or read this message by downloading it free here, or you can purchase or read online the book Don't Waste Your Life here.

Prayer Request

Please pray for my sister. She is going through a hard time in her life. She is very busy working three jobs and taking a six-week Greek class. (For those of you unfamliar with Greek classes, they are very intense and have a heavy load. She will be learning what I learned in about 32 weeks in six weeks.) One of the companies she works for is Bath & Body Works. Their semi-annual sale is huge, and she is scheduled to work every available time she gave her boss(es). She is not getting much rest also. On top of all this, she is going through a desert spiritually. She is in a season in her life in which she feels far from God, and it worries her.

Again, please pray for her. Stress is overwhelming her. Pray that God will break her heart, if needed, and that His strength will empower her as she is weak. Pray that she will give her burdens to her Father and that she will trust what she knows is true during the spiritual desert in her life. Thank you very much for your prayers. God will bring her through this, even if it gets worse before it gets better, and He won't forget His daughter. Suffering produces endurance, character, and hope (Romans 5:3-4).

The Agony of Online Summer Classes

My summer so far has been rather quiet. I've spoke before of adjusting to living without a roommate or suitemates in the dorms, and that I've been working in the office instead of relaxing at home. Well, it all must come to an end eventually, doesn't it?

Well, it just did. Technically, it's still quiet, but it's not slow. My two online eight-week summer classes started this past Monday, and [whew!] are they intense! To stay on track, I need to read two chapters a week in each class. One of the classes is biology with a lab. My teacher informed me at the orientation today that the virtual labs can take up to two hours sometimes. Gross! Reading for biology takes me a while because I am taking notes on my computer as I read. I plan to comprehensively study my notes each week, so I can hopefully be adequately prepared and do well on the infamous, arduous tests.

Though I was more excited about my meteorology class than biology, I've found that I enjoy reading my biology textbook better than my meteorlogy one. I need to be reading the rest of Chapter 2 in my meteorology book right now, but I am so tired that reading sends me to sleep. (This is the agony part.) I am horrible when it comes to reading and not falling asleep. I used to be even worse than horrible, but I've improved some in the past year. It helps if I am not worn from the day when I open the book. Strange thing: I can read fiction with hardly a problem, but nonfiction simply kills me. My interest level in the subject doesn't seem to make a difference.

I am trying to be diligent in my studies though. I've read the first chapter of my biology book and over one and a half chapters of Weather Studies, and I've taken my first quiz for meteorology. The thing is I won't have much time to read tomorrow or Friday because I'm moving back home Friday. It'll all shake out though; I trust the Lord will work things out. I remember many times my freshman year circumstances looked bleak when it came to meeting assignment deadlines, but I'd pray for God's mercy and see what He'd do, and He'd open up more time for me that I normally wouldn't have. Believe me, trusting God with your schoolwork is the best thing you can do for your academic life and for yourself (like in dealing with stress). Don't misunderstand me, though, that doesn't mean you can procrastinate all you want and then expect God to get your homework done to turn in the next day. However, He is merciful and faithful.

So, if you plan on taking on summer classes at the college level anytime soon, remember to stay on top of things and read, read, READ! Read everything--the syllabus, all announcements online, assignments and their due dates, and, of course, your textbook! Try doing all that reading when you're fully conscious too; you'll comprehend much more that way and accomplish your work more efficiently.

"Dance the Night Away"

I am a closet dancer. It's 2:57 in the morning, and I just finished dancing to the first six songs on the second disc of The Essential Elvis Presley. I don't like to dance in public unless it is with someone, but when God is my only audience I like dancing very much. My style is typically interpretive dance, but with Elvis songs it varies. I am not a good dancer, but I have been told I have good rhythm. Dancing is not only fun but also a good source of exercise. It makes me feel good afterward. So the next time you're up around 3:00 A.M., just think I may be up dancing to "Viva Las Vegas."

What's Up

School is over, students have moved out of the dorms, and MBU staff is getting half-days off on Fridays. However, I'm still living in the dorms, preparing for a couple summer classes, and not working at all on Fridays.

My roommate Katie moved out this past Friday after staying for track. I must say that she had about three times the possessions I have in the room, so when she left the room became almost empty. Sounds echo now in the room.

Since I carried over my items from the apartment to the dorm, most of them are black, white, or red--that was the color scheme of my room in the apartment. I have a black comforter, black basket, black trash can, black TV, white microwave, black frame encompassing a black and white photo of Elvis, and a black poster of The Phantom of the Opera that I got at the Fox. My splash of color: a red Busch Stadium pennant. With the exception of a few items and what is in my drawers and closet, that is all I have in my room.

Besides adjusting the the "new" room, I've had to adjust to the ghost town atmosphere. Especially down Dink Marler and at the dorms, there just isn't many people around! My social life primarily consists of coworkers and office neighbors at work. I like them though, so I'm cool with that. :)

Anyway, since the letting out of school I've been living a much quieter and solitary life. It makes me look forward to going home on the weekends much more. As a side note, I've noticed that I appreciate and enjoy my parents more than usual these past three weeks.

That's all for now.

My Little Keepsake

I have an emotional attachment to My Little Golden Book About God. If you're not familiar, it is one of many small, hardcover books by Little Golden Books. Little Golden Books started in 1942, when the average cost of one of its books was 25 cents. Now the average cost is $2.99--still an excellent bargain. Its books are among the most popular children's books of all time. Rachel and I had two or three of these books growing up. In fact, we still have them. They're in my closet at home. My Little Golden Book About God by author and illustrator Eloise Wilkin is one of them. I remember the back cover and maybe the last page or two are missing. It is not special to me because my mom used to read it to me at night or because I stared at the pictures obsessively. It is special to me because it's sweet, and it takes me back to simple, pleasant times. I adore the front cover's illustration. The little girl has blonde hair just like Rachel and me. Little Golden Books teaches values; it's important to instill values while a child is young. I was reading about Little Golden Books on its web site and looking at all their books. I've decided I want to read Little Golden Books stories to my children.

Photo from Little Golden Books

Thank You, Food Service Consultants!

You know, not many people have good things to say about the cafe food. Some just don't like it. Others actually like the food but like to make fun of it even more. No matter how you slice it, it's the rear of many jokes on campus.

Not from me though! I like cafe food. Mmm! Call me crazy, but more times than not I am satisfied and have a full tummy. Sometimes I wonder if people are just too picky, whether it's the new glass dishware and silverware, the food selection, or the taste of the food (not that I expect a person to like everything our Food Service Consultants whip up). I do see a place where complaints over the food may be necessary--don't misunderstand me--but seriously, can we be thankful for the food we're eating in the cafe? Especially dorm students, can we be thankful for the "free" food we're eating? I like just getting my student I.D. scanned and not forking out money. I also like not having to prepare the food or clean after myself.

I say a hearty THANK YOU! to the Food Service Consultants and to those on the food committee. Thank you for putting thought into our meals, preparing our meals, cleaning our dishes, providing our drinks--and let's not exclude the ice cream machine!--and having a smile, at least part of the time. If I didn't have the cafe, I'd be living off of microwable food, snacks, and smoothies from the Perk all year long. Not only would that mean more money output, but it also would mean less substance input. I'd have to say, a girl needs substance on a regular basis. The closest I have to that at my dorm is vegetable beef soup. Do I hear an "amen"?

Consider My Words

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:45

"You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." Matthew 12:34

Today it seemed the more I talked the more I made a mess of things. I'm learning more and more how my words hurt others. Some of you may be suprised to hear I am having a problem with my tongue because you rarely hear me speak, but do believe me, I do speak more often than I should sometimes, and I do tear down rather than build up at times.

I've been thinking frequently about the power of my words to destroy. I need to discipline my tongue. I think it is evidence of a heart problem. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." What is in my heart?

I am sure if I ask God to search my heart and reveal the condition of my heart to me, His Spirit will help me through His Word.

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Hebrews 4:12

I'd like to be like the man in Psalm 15:

[1] O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent?
Who shall dwell on your holy hill?
[2] He who walks blamelessly
and does what is right
and speaks truth in his heart;
[3] who does not slander with his tongue
and does no evil to his neighbor,
nor takes up a reproach against his friend;
[4] in whose eyes a vile person is despised,
but who honors those who fear the Lord;
who swears to his own hurt and does not change;
[5] who does not put out his money at interest
and does not take a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things shall never be moved.

As a member of the body of Christ, my words should build up believers in Christ and shine Christ's light to unbelievers. As with any such problem, I must make an active effort. Passivity never solved anything. Furthermore, consistency is crucial. The last thing I need is to let my flesh gain power after making some progress. Understand me that I am not alone in my efforts--indeed, I can in no way "put to death the deeds of the body" in my own power. Romans 8:13 says, "...if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." God provides supernatural strength when I am weak (2 Corinthians 12:10).

If you're battling your flesh (which most likely you are, since your flesh is ever-present and ready to raise its ugly head), I encourage you to keep fighting in the faith of Jesus Christ with prayer and the Word of God. We can become more like Christ and less like our old selves together!

I look forward to the Day when the battles are all over, don't you?

Other Scriptures:

"My heart became hot within me. As I mused, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:" Psalm 39:3

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

"Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble." Proverbs 21:23

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits." Proverbs 18:21

All Scriptures taken from the English Standard Version.

Recap

Yes, once again I have not written in a while. I believe this is the longest span of time I have gone without posting. I need not further iterate that I am a slacker, however. Really, I should htink better of myself.

Much has happened since I last posted, naturally. February was an exciting month. First was the Give Me an Answer 2008 conference at Southern Seminary called Immortal Combat. Due to sleep deprivation, I was half-asleep during the entire conference, but of what I heard in the sessions, it was very good. Plus, we ate Chick-fil-A. I got to hang out with my sister at her apartment one night, and we skipped the last breakout session to hang out as well (during which I drunk vitamin water in an effort to wake up). Traveling with John and our friend Mark was fun too.

The day after we got back from Louisville, John and I (with 14 other Mobapeans) went to Herrin, IL, for a visitation in regards to a dear friend of ours. We all took him out to eat at Steak 'N' Shake and had a good time.

The week of Valentine's Day and the weeks leading up to it, I had the opportunity to help my cousin Shawn propose to his current fiancee. He lives in Arkansas and wanted to propose to her in private in St. Louis, so I was his logical contact. My roommate and my boyfriend helped me with the shopping and the decorating. Shawn and I discussed what the hotel room was to look like, what music was to play, how he was to get the keys, and what lies he had fed his girlfriend to keep it all secret. It was so much fun planning, lying (I know, that's bad.), and decorating! Shawn said the proposal went excellently, and I had the privilege of riding down to Fredericktown with the couple the next day. They will be married June 28th, Lord willing. Congratulations!

My Valentine's Day experience was unlike any other I've had. It is the first time I've had a boyfriend during the holiday, so that in itself provides a big enough difference. It lasted three days for John and me. Wednesday, the 13th, we went to the West County mall to get our pictures taken by The Picture People. We used a coupon John had printed from the Internet for a free 8X10 and a sheet of Valentine's Day wallets. The Picture People are fast, fun, and modern (check out their awesome computer monitors). Plus, we received our pictures hot off the printer a half hour after our sitting! On Thursday, actual Valentine's Day, John took me to McAlister's Deli--I dare say, one of my favorite places to eat--and John tried their awesome food and tea for the first time. Friday, John helped me decorate the hotel room and pull off the huge lie (an accomplice!). Before we left the room to give Shawn the keys, John switched out the CD with his own, on which he burned "Love Me Tender." I had told him that I wanted to dance with him to that song, so that is what we did. I'll write it for you: Awwww!! It was very special.

Rachel came home to visit the weekend after Shawn. That was special too. Aw, I love my sister!

Fast-forwarding to March, as fickle for me as the weather: Madness is surely not confined to NCAA. For my family and me, this month has been up and down. It begins on a high note--John's birthday! Then he came to visit the weekend spring break began and visited my church family for the first time!

Also that Saturday, my mom's foot started hurting, and she began to have a fever and chills that night. (This was after she received a positive report on her foot the week before.) Early the week of spring break my mom went to the doctor, and someone took a culture of the inside of her foot. She had an MRI that Friday, from which she found out that infection is in the bone. That is very serious. Her doctor admitted her into the hospital for a few days the following Monday. She returned home the Thursday before Easter and is now using an IV and can administer her medicine herself.

Besides my mom being out from pain killers during my week off, a mixture of good and bad circumstances shaped my spring break. It was by far not what I hoped it to be, but it honestly could have been worse (as circumstances always can be). Family tension was the cause of most of my ill emotions, not to mention my own disappointment in break being rather uneventful in regards to happy, exciting activities. Mom's birthday was on Thursday. The latter end of my break was especially painful, but I will spare you the highly personal details that would cost the dignity of beloved family to share and possibly expose them to criticism and consequential embarrassment.

Easter followed spring break. If you could hear the tone in my head as I write you would catch the happy exclamation with which I consider Easter. I was so excited for its coming! In the Hovis family, Easter is one of the two biggest holidays (Thanksgiving being the other one). We all get together at my uncle's house and eat, talk, and maybe even nap. This year, and for three years running, we had a wedding shower. Shawn and Megan's shower went very well. I got to ride to and from St. Louis with my sister and go to church with her, so that was great! On the way down, we got to spend extensive time together because we were in traffic for over an hour and a half on I-270 and Highway 40. Flooding, lanes closed, merging... [Sigh}

This week, I have relaxed better than usual though I haven't been sleeping well. It could possibly be because I have interrupted my sleeping pattern with hilarious dorm life. Tuesday night, after my roommate Katie and a friend of ours Kasia, who lives on our hall, exchanged lame comebacks and wrestled around midnight, Kasia and I watched an episode of The Office online then decorated the room with letters, stories, and post-its for Katie to find in the morning. Katie woke up at some point and eventually started laughing while Kasia was labeling her body parts. We labeled several items throughout the room and stuffed every shoe with an "I love you" post-it. He, he, he... we're proud of our work. I went to bed that night a little after four in the morning and got up at a quarter after twelve in the afternoon.

The next night, I "stole" Kasia's phone, and for a while she was very much concerned about where it was. I replanted it in the hall where it had originally fallen out of her pocket. She saw it and quickly put it together that I had put it there. I never openly admitted that it was me, but I did tell her to check her tone settings. That night I turned in at a much better one-thirty. I kept waking up during the night though and couldn't seem to get comfortable, so when I awoke at eight I was terribly tired. It is my habit of hitting snooze until 8:30, but instead of getting up at 8:30 for class when I should, I fell back asleep... Oops. I awoke again a little before nine, knowing that I'd for sure be late for class then, and decided to sleep in and actually rest. I finally got up around 10:35.

My theory is that I am not sleeping recooperatively because my sleeping is inconsistent, and I was not active over Easter and need to expend energy through physical activity. Therefore, today John and I went on a beautiful walk down Conway Road. It rained, but that's okay. I thoroughly enjoyed the warmer temperature (until it started raining and got cold), the plentiful bird songs, the elaborate houses, and, of course, John. Afterward, we talked to Dr. McClain, head of Religion, Ms. Fuquay, English professor and Director of EXCEL (my boss's boss), and Lisa Hessel, who works in PR. We had a nice, relaxing afternoon together.

Now the semester is winding down, papers and tests are piling up, baseball is starting, Lost is on break for five weeks (sad), and I am no longer living in long johns. I really do like spring.

I Went Walking in a Winter Wonderland!

It's snowing!

No, it's not the first time it's snowed this winter here in St. Louis, but this is the first time I've been up here for an actual winter storm this year. The last time STL got over six inches of snow, I was down in Fredericktown.

The snow came around noon. After Chapel, I went to lunch and then to work. My boss was just about to leave when I got there and she instructed me to go back to my dorm where it's warm and safe. And so I did. But before I got all comfy in my lounge pants, I headed back outside to take some pictures of the campus for all of you. How nice of me...

Pillsbury Huff parking lot around 1:30 p.m.


The way it has worked out, by my not getting to go home this weekend and all, I will have lived in St. Louis for a consecutive month after next
weekend. (I am going to Louisville next weekend


for "Immortal Combat," the Give Me an Answer 2008 Conference at Southern Seminary,

where I will get to see my sister!) That's a while for me
because I return home most weekends to see my parents and go to and help out with church. I was supposed to help out with the preschoolers in church this weekend, but it looks like that isn't going to happen. Instead, lo and behold, I am going to a wedding. A couple my sister is better acquainted with than myself will marry at FBC-Fenton this Saturday. John and I will attend.

Everyone stay warm! Thank God for the heat and shelter we have.

Switch It Up!

Exciting news! My roommate and I have rearranged our dorm room for this semester. It's pretty cool, I must say; Katie is so creative! We are going to add fun decor in the near future, and I plan on tidying up my "loose ends" as far as organization goes. I would like to share the finished product with you, for I am sure you'll like it!

Doing creative things with your pre-furnished room is one of the fun parts about living on campus. Having an awesome roommate helps--which I have--and making the most of your space. Did I mention that it is "free" space? I put the word free in quotations because it technically is added onto a student's account as room and board, but my schooling is paid for. I have the pleasure of not having to write out a check for rent each month like I'd have to if I lived in an apartment.

Dormitories have their pros and cons like just about anything else. Right now, I am very much enjoying the pros, too much to even care about the cons.

"As Unto the Lord"

Well, here I am, up too late again. I ate almost a whole bag of Peanut M&M's late this afternoon, and then around 10 or so, I had a vanilla yogurt and Reese's concrete from Oberweis, which a friend on my hall delivered to me while I was taking my online Greek quiz. All the sugar gave me a bundle of energy that I released through dancing while talking to my boyfriend on the phone. I still need to shower and clean my teeth. Let me tell you, I will most likely feel tired in my classes tomorrow.

I am a strong believer in multi-tasking. Though concerning some things I am a terrible multi-tasker, I like to try to efficiently use my time. It is normal for me to talk on the phone, use IM, listen to music, and take a Greek quiz simultaneously. Even right now, I am writing this post, listening to Francis Chan (his message from Passion '07), and talking to my friend Scott on IM.

You might think that this is a great way for me to get ahead. Before now, I might have agreed with you. However, I must suggest this idea to you: What if all this multi-tasking is really inefficient time management? In other words, how much quality effort could I actually invest in each activity unless I do them in isolation from all the other ones?

I am not sure what the answer to these questions is for me. This is because of my motive in doing several things at once. Yes, it does save time, but another reason I have other things going on while taking quizzes is for the sake of "needing" to have something else going on. My mom is the same way. I have the ability to only take the quiz, but I usually prefer to have some sort of accompaniment.

I still wonder, though, whether the quality of my work suffers. I should give 100 percent to whatever I am doing. I should do everything as unto the Lord, the Scriptures instruct. Hmm... when I think of doing something unto the Lord, I imagine myself devoting undivided attention toward an activity, doing it to the best of my ability, and relying on Christ.

I am thinking I should power down.

Joy from God by the Holy Spirit and the Little Book of Colossians

Okay, that special treat I promised you will have to wait another post. I wanted to write something really quick while it is still sort of January 1st.

Last night, I was feeling blue after having been inside too long and bored. I started thinking thoughts like, What I am I doing here? What's the purpose of all this? I picked up my Bible, and as I was opening it I said a quick prayer to God that was packed with sincerity and desperateness. I asked Him to show me my purpose, my worth, the fact that I wasn't just killing time and nothing more during Christmas break and the rest of my life... and He showed me. Boy, did He show me.

Considering the state I was in, it made sense to me to look up faithfulness and related words in the concordance. My search brought me to Colossians 1:23, found under faith. I read the passage containing the verse and was filled with joy. I kept reading--the same passage and passages after it until I stopped somewhere in Chapter 3. I loved it! God knew just what I needed to read. It wasn't just words on paper, however. It was--and is--alive! God literally showed me the answer to my prayer and so encouraged me that He filled me with increasing joy through the Holy Spirit. The Word is the living Word.

Paul starts out in Colossians 1:15 painting a beautiful picture of Christ in His preeminence. Then he addresses me about faithfulness. He moves on to talk about the joy he himself has in suffering, just as Christ rejoiced in His suffering. Finally, in Chapter 3, he writes of our life in Christ and taking on our new identity, which is Christ Himself.

This is what God showed me about faithfulness to Christ:

"[21] And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, [22] he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,"--and now the part that got me, the answer--"[23] if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister."

Another part that stood out to me was verses 28 and 29, where Paul is talking about his ministry: "Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."

Also note 2:6-7: "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving."

In Chapter 3, God provided me a remedy, rather a preventive, for my troubles. "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth" (vv. 1-2).

You just have to read it. All of it. Colossians is an incredible book of the Bible. It's four chapters, so it's short, and the amount of time it takes to read depends on God and the reader. I'll make it very easy for you. Just click here.

You may have read Colossians before, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it again. I've read Colossians 1 before, but this time when I read it, heart open desperate for an answer, it was fresh, as if I had never read it before. It was illumination by the Holy Spirit. I need to "keep on keeping on."

Praise God for His faithfulness!... And His love, grace, patience, joy, kindness, compassion, wisdom, knowledge, good will, justice, humor, majesty, power...