Here to There

Last August, Meadow Heights Church (my hometown church family) invited Rachel and me to attend the Global Leadership Summit, expenses paid. I considered this a gracious invitation to me given my past struggles with a critical spirit toward them. Anyway, we accepted (duh) and carpooled down to Cape Girardeau.

Bill Hybels spoke in the first session (no surprise; it's a Willow Creek Association conference) and gave a helpful illustration for how leaders can motivate and help their people persevere. It goes something like this: He creates a starting point, then draws a line up at a 45-degree angle to an ending point. The question is, how do we ensure that those we're leading do not give up in the middle of the two endpoints? Answer: Remind them of the "nothing" they came from and the "everything" to which they're heading.

I share this illustration because it can relate to the Christian life as well in illustrating our continual need for the gospel. Colossians 2:6-7 says, "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving." How do we become Christians? God shines in our hearts the light of the knowledge of His glory in the face of Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 4:6), effectively leading us to faith and repentance. How do we continue as Christians? God shines in our hearts the light of the knowledge of the His glory in the face of Jesus Christ, effectively leading us to faith and repentance.

Even so, we always need the gospel. Consider Philippians 2:12-13: "Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure." We are able to obey in working out our own salvation because God is working in us. It is His will for us to become like His Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29). The gospel captures both endpoints in the illustration and all that is in between; it's all wrapped up in Jesus Christ (Revelation 21:6; 22:13; etc.).

God not only gives us the strength and the will to press on, He's the One who convicts us through His Holy Spirit and teaches us, so that we are continually believing and repenting, believing and repenting--growing and changing--and He so wonderfully keeps us (Jude 1, 24; etc.).

So if you're in the middle somewhere and need help pressing on, or if you're helping others press on, remember where you came from: "And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind" (Ephesians 2:1-3).

And what He did in you: "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus" (vv. 4-6).

And remember where you're going: "so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them" (vv. 7-10).

Don't be of those who shrink back. God has no pleasure in them. (See Hebrews 10). There's so much more I could say, so if you want me to elaborate, let me know. This will do for now.

Follow-Up on the Recent Heart Change (Glory to the Lord)

Almost a couple months ago, I posted about the Lord's humbling me and softening my heart toward my home church. It is time to follow up. I requested prayer before I returned home that I would love my home church. Now my time at home is over, and I sit it the cafeteria at Southern Seminary with good news.

I think I wrote before about how I was thankful for my home church for the first time in a long while. Everyone of Meadow Heights was gracious to me. I was moved when one of our pastors invited my sister and me to join them at the Global Leadership Summit, expenses paid and transportation provided. That same pastor took us to lunch at the nicest restaurant in town. I was able to sit down with our lead pastor as well. I was able to talk to brothers and sisters on Sundays and observe their enthusiasm for the Lord and His mission. I listened to the teachings and heard the gospel--no critical spirit to cover my ears.

When I think back to my attitude, thoughts, and words prior to humility, I am ashamed. I learned firsthand the deceitfulness and blindness of pride. C.J. Mahaney's Humility: True Greatness helped me better understand this heinous sin and to learn ways to cultivate humility and thus guard against my tendency to become proud.

Temptation did come. Opportunity to criticize and think loftily threatened my newly-established care for Meadow Heights. But because the Lord Jesus had worked a change in my heart, I resisted and focused more on MH's strengths (evidences of grace) than on weaknesses (needs of adjustment).

I experience freedom since the Lord's humbling me to pray for MH, to rejoice with their rejoicing, to weep with their weeping, to truly worship with them, and to enjoy their fellowship. I could not do these things before, at least not from pure heart. I've also missed them for the first time in a long while.

I want to take this opportunity now to commend their mission-mindedness and love for their communities (the Parkland). The Lord Jesus is using them to introduce the talking and walking gospel to thousands of people. They truly love those they serve, believers and unbelievers alike, being active in their love for Jesus. The leaders realize the responsibility and feel its weight and are earnestly seeking the Lord's will and desiring His presence. As Pastor Bryan has been referencing lately, Exodus 33:15-17 says,

"And [Moses] said to [the LORD], 'If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?'

"And the LORD said to Moses, 'This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.'"

Thank God that He has humbled again, softened my heart again, and enabled me to love Meadow Heights. I am called elsewhere and cannot participate in the work, but I look forward to hearing about what the Lord does in them and through them.

By Faith on the Grounds of Christ's Righteousness: A Reaction to Piper's T4G 2010 Message

A few minutes ago I listened to John Piper’s message from the Together for the Gospel 2010 conference for the third time. When I heard it live then later as an mp3 download, my mind kept wandering; I struggled to bring my mind under subjection. Today, however, I truly listened, and the effect was wonderful and much needed.

In “Did Jesus Preach Paul’s Gospel?,” Piper unpacks Luke 18:11-14 and sets it beside Philippians 3:3-9. His overarching point is that justification by faith alone is essential to Christianity; we cannot trust in the work of God in us (e.g., fruit of the Spirit). On the contrary, it is the work of God in us that confirms our justification by faith (cf. Romans 4). If the fruit we bear were the root of our justification before God, then why are they fruit? Would not justification become the fruit and the work of God in us the root of our righteousness? He is saying that our righteousness, our righteous standing, is not our own—it is Jesus Christ’s. God imputes His righteousness to us. If Jesus Christ did not live a perfect (sinless) life and bear the Father’s wrath that we sinners (and we are all sinners) deserve, we are and have nothing. Jesus says,

“I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.” (John 15:5-8)

After listening, I could not stop thinking about the truth of justification by faith alone in Christ alone. I attempted to read a chapter in one of my books but had to close it. I had to stop, consider, and pray about what I had just heard.

In doing so, I was filled with joy and thanksgiving for the activity of Jesus Christ on the cross. I’m so glad He did it! Some song lyrics read, “O blessed Jesus, may we find a covert in Thy wounds. Though our sins they rise up to meet us, how they fall next to the merits of You.” He paid the ransom that I could not pay, and He gave me the merits—His merits—for eternal life with Him.

I recalled Romans 8:31-34:

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is seated at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.”

Christ Jesus is the one who died! Had it been anyone else, we would still be dead in our sins, still condemned. But Christ Jesus died for us! The perfect, sinless Son of God sent from the Father as our Messiah. We can have confidence in Christ Jesus. Who can be against us?

It gets better. Verses 35-39:

“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, ‘For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, not things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Do you get it? Not only does Jesus justify us, He keeps us! We have a firm foundation. We have a seal on our souls. His name is Jesus. More song lyrics: “My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness…. On Christ the sold Rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand…. When He shall come with trumpet sound, oh, may I then in Him be found dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the Throne.”

Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, so let’s live like it's true. Let's rejoice and have confidence. For,

“…God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. Therefore, do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus… who abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel…” (2 Timothy 1:7-9a, 10a).

If Jesus, who is so powerful as to abolish death and bring life through the gospel, is for us, we have no reason to be afraid or ashamed.

And let’s remember that our justification is founded upon the life and death of Jesus Christ, His redemptive activity of grace, not upon our works of righteousness, what God has done in us. We are and always will be dependent on God.

One more implication from Romans 8:31-39 and the doctrine of justification by faith alone: Since we have beheld, understood, and believed this most glorious gospel and rest secure in Jesus Christ, we should have a desire to tell others about Him through the gospel message, with no fear and no shame, and clearly proclaim the doctrine of justification by faith alone when it is threatened. Look at Exodus 9:16 that Paul quotes in this passage: “’For your sakes we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered’” (v. 36). And Romans 1:16-17: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, ‘The righteous shall live by faith’ [Habakkuk 2:4].”

And in 2 Corinthians 5:14-15, 19-21:

“For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised…. in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

In conclusion, consider Philippians 3:8-9:

“Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith.”

I write these things to you to stir up your faith and affection for our Lord Jesus Christ, if in fact you are in Christ. If you approached this post cold, I pray that you are finishing this post ablaze. Study the Gospels and acquaint yourself afresh with Jesus. Listen to Piper’s message. Set your mind on the Truth and understand sound doctrine. Live it out.

Come, Smeagol! Come to Master!

I made an agreement with Rachel that I would watch Star Wars if she would watch The Lord of the Rings. Last week, Rachel experienced Middle-earth for the first time. She liked it! We've come to realize that our cat is very similar to Smeagol/Gollum. Depending on her mood and behavior, both of which can change on a dime, she is one of the two. I must admit, more times than not, Gollum is present with us. Oh, Kitty...

Tribute to Dad

This week I have stood (or sat) in awe of my dad. He is resilient. He endures an increasingly heavy load and keeps going with an overall good attitude. What has been adding to his load lately is the uncanny trial of car problems, one that began in January.

Shortly after Rachel left for overseas, the head gasket in Dad's Corsica blew up. God providentially had Rachel's car sitting in the drive for him to use. Since she was not due back for six months, Dad in the meantime searched for used cars and engines but never discovered a winner. He was slightly sidetracked when spring arrived. Both lawn mowers needed work.

Fast-forward to Rachel's return. He found on the Internet a blue Corsica for sale in Sedalia, MO, with 104,000 miles. It needed some new parts before it could run, which the dealership covered, so purchasing the car was pushed back a week.

During this time, Rachel and I rear-ended a truck in St. Louis. Though we weren't moving fast, the car incurred an estimated $1700 in passenger-side and front-end damage. We could still drive it at least, though I had to crawl out the driver's side of the car. (I begged Rachel to let me crawl out the passenger-side window like a NASCAR driver but to no avail.)

The following Friday, Dad and Ronnie installed a new compressor into the truck. Saturday, Dad and Rachel drove four and a half hours to Sedalia and bought the car. About 100 miles into the return leg, the belt broke on the Corsica. They had to leave the car overnight somewhere off Highway 50. With a new belt and several tools, they headed west again Sunday morning. Come to find out, two bolts in the compressor were stripped out, which caused everything to shift, leading to the belt's break and a hole in the radiator. Dad and Rachel drove for about 16 1/2 hours that weekend, and my dad had to go to a blazing hot factory the next day.

The same day, Mom and I bought groceries at Wal-Mart. Immediately after parking the Beretta in front of the house, the brakes went out. Dad replaced a portion of the brake line as quickly as he could and bled the brakes. We see God's care, as in other instances of His wisdom and providence, and are thankful that the brakes didn't quit while on the road. Dad said he felt led not to take Rachel's car that morning to go fix the Corsica.

Last week, I think, the fuel pump on the truck went out on my dad's way home from work. We then had four vehicles in the drive and only one running--Rachel's Beretta with one functioning door. Gerald replaced the fuel pump the next day while my dad worked. Meanwhile, my mom was having to go to the hospital often, so we borrowed my grandma's car on several occasions.

This week, Dad replaced the EGR valve in the Corsica, so it can now run, though it still lacks a good radiator. The most recent problems now is the truck's overheating and the Beretta's brakes' refusal to pump up completely.

My dad's been going and going from sunup to past sundown in the heat. He said himself one night, "You can't keep a good man down, especially a man of God." Thanks for being an example of perseverance, Dad.

On Reserve Battery

This evening Dad, Rachel, Jerry, and I were outside as my dad replaced a portion of the brake line in Rachel’s Beretta and began bleeding the air out of the lines. As I observed his twisting socket wrenches and his tenacious removal of the left front, I was able once again to relish in a thunderstorm’s approach. I listened to the low rolls of thunder and eventually felt the cool downdraft blow from the west, carrying with it the scent of refreshing rain. As I type now, it is here upon us and threatens to snuff our electricity.

I am thankful for the handymen and mechanics in my family. My dad and uncles, Ronnie, Larry, and Gerald, have put in many hours working on cars. Their auto repair ingenuity has saved us from many a burdensome cost. I will recount the recent events leading up to my current reflection soon, when I can charge my laptop without threat.

Links Between The Fellowship of the Ring and the Gospel

As promised, with the exception of when, I will here share some of the parallels I found while watching The Fellowship of the Ring. Given Tolkien's religious background, the symbolism was no doubt intentional, though inconsistent. I think these links are what helped me sit through the three hours--my movie muscle is weak but received much exercise through this trilogy. The other two movies carried my intrigue, and Tolkien's brilliance remained, so that I found the entire story exceptional. So, here we go. Three observations:

1. The betrayal--It was revealed to Frodo that he would face betrayal from a member of the Fellowship and that the Fellowship would divide--scatter, if you will. Jesus knew beforehand Judas Iscariot would betray him as well (John 6:70-71; 13:21).

2. Solitude--Frodo withdrew to a quiet place, as leaders do. He was burdened and needed time alone. Jesus withdrew many times from the Jews or from the crowds, sometimes to pray. It was in one of these times of isolation that Frodo was betrayed. He once again faced man's desire for the ring.

3. The growth in power and physical spread of evil--The darkness portrayed in The Fellowship of the Ring panged my heart. It struck me deeper than I had anticipated. As the power of the ring grew, hope dissipated. The distinction between good and evil are not always easily discerned in the characters either. This mirrors reality well. Imagine the Fall, and what it must have been like for depravity to enter the world and human nature. All was affected, even creation, just like in this movie.

More redemptive and christological parallels exist in this movie and in the series as a whole. I can't help but seek them out while watching. I've become a sucker for such fantasy. The Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker impacted my understanding of sin and redemption, and now The Lord of the Rings has done the same.

Love the Brotherhood. Watch Yourself and the Teaching.

The Together for the Gospel conference this past April is a highlight of this year. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to go, for the experience itself, and for my brothers and sisters from FBC with whom I experienced it. Three of us were able to attend T4G Late Nite, in which Mahaney, Dever, Duncan, and Mohler gave us ten-minute nuggets of wisdom, and the T4G staff gave us flash drives with the nuggets and extra sermons. I listened to one of these sermons today.

I took my last walk around the subdivision. I'll leave, Lord willing, with my parents tomorrow morning to pick up my sister from the airport and head on down to Fredericktown. As I enjoyed the birds I listened to C.J. Mahaney's "Grace and the Adventure of Leadership" that he preached at a PDI conference. It was just the sermon I needed to hear from what I can tell. In going to my hometown church, I hope and pray that I love them. I have struggled for a few years to harbor a right attitude and seek unity in light of their need for some adjustment in their handling of the gospel. Mahaney's sermon was a very good slap in the face--just what I was praying for! Not really. When I had prayed and asked for prayer about loving my home church through actions and words, I did not expect that God would prepare me by convicting me. I was blind to my sin and thus my need for conviction.

Though it may seem virtuous that I toil over my home church so and desire for their reform, in reality I myself am in need of reform. My criticisms and dread are evidence of my pride and self-righteousness, as mentioned in the sermon. I realize now that part of the reason I become critical and sometimes hostile is fear that I will get "sucked in." This fear is a lack of trust in God, who promises to keep us and is able to guard us. My heart attitude and consequent behavior is not the example for watching yourself and the teaching (1 Timothy 4:16).

So how do we guard ourselves and the gospel and sound doctrine? When faced with people who are under grace but who we think are in particular need of adjustment (my situation) or when faced with false teaching or a distortion of the gospel, how should we respond? For starters, I think it's good to locate our concern: Are we concerned with the preservation of the gospel, or are we concerned that we ourselves and our faith are being threatened? The answer to this question reveals your motivation and will dictate your action. For me, it is both, which makes things a little messy.

Mahaney presents a course of action that is helpful here in answering these questions. Think upon the evidences of grace in the people's lives. As a side note, while I was walking, and Mahaney was addressing pride in criticism with a Peanuts illustration, a car went by and hindered my hearing. I backed up the sermon on my iPod to hear what I missed, and when I played it again, a large trash truck then obstructed my hearing. I tried a third time, and the truck moved my direction and turned onto the street I was walking down--once again, obstructing my hearing of Mahaney's words. By this time, I was annoyed. Then I noticed the word that was painted on the side of the truck as it went on: Grace. I had to laugh. Grace has not much resonated in my heart toward my brothers in and sisters in my home church. Nor have I thought upon God's grace toward me as often as I should.

When we consider evidences of God's grace in difficult people rather than focus on their hang-ups--no matter how trivial or crucial the hang-ups are--we are much more apt to thank God for them, like Paul was thankful for the Corinthian church.

I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in him in all speech and all knowledge— even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you— so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will sustain you to the end, guiltless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:4-9)

As Mahaney points out, Paul's thankfulness for the Corinthian church, who had many problems of sin at the time, does not make sense initially. My first reaction to my home church is not thankfulness. Paul, however, had maintained a God-centered thanksgiving by acknowledging the grace God showed them in Christ Jesus, knowing that God had fully equipped them with spiritual gifts, and trusting God's sustenance for them. Imagine what the Corinthians must have felt in hearing these words. Feeling the weight of sin and guilt and hearing that Christ will sustain them and, more than that, present them blameless before God the Father! You see, Paul motivated by grace. He did not beat them down with criticism and condemnation. No. He reminded them of who they were. He built them up. Lastly, in his God-centered thanksgiving, he recounts God's faithfulness. He reminds them that God called them into the fellowship of Jesus Christ. Their first reception of grace, their continuance in the gospel, and their victorious finish are all credited to God in Christ Jesus. Paul so trusts the Lord that he can thank Him for the Corinthians in their evidences of grace, confident that they will make it to the end, no matter the needs of adjustment they have. (We see here that Paul had a long-term view. He saw the big picture, not just the immediate circumstances.)

Let this not be an excuse for ignorance, however. Sin must be addressed and accountability carried out. What I do mean to say is that we can guard ourselves and the teaching and respond to difficult people in accordance with the gospel, without pride, self-righteousness, or fear, by motivating by grace. We can remember God's grace toward us and be humbled. We can then remember God's grace toward them and be motivated to encourage them in that grace, thus motivating them to do the same. Inherent in this is the desire to please the Lord. No longer do they rebel but submit, turning the tides on sin and bringing glory to the Father and our Lord Jesus Christ.

My home church is no longer a threat but an opportunity to extend grace. And praise be to God for His forgiveness and immeasurable grace!

Sin, Grace, Jude, and James

For a while, maybe a week, I could feel my heart turning toward my former manner of life, in which I was supposedly in charge and definitely devoid of the Spirit of Christ and belief in the gospel. During this time, discipline--especially spiritual disciplines like Bible intake and prayer--was waning and my indulgence in idleness and entertainment growing. I tried to make myself pray in the evenings and meditate on God's majesty with thanksgiving on my walks in the mornings, but I sensed that my heart was not fully in them, that my affections were not wholly stirred, and I soon gave up--or you could say, gave in. I did not do what I knew I ought to do, which is sin (James 4:17).

Once sin begins, if not interrupted by the grace of Jesus Christ, it will snowball. Today was the culmination. I neglected the Word, rushed prayer, struggled to keep even my personal discipline of walking a mile, and found myself sinning in ways I haven't in a long while (mainly grumbling and complaining). The worst of it, though, was lack of desire to change. I stepped outside the house to go on my walk, shut the screen door, and thought, "I don't care."

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. (James 1:12-15)

I listened to about half of a sermon by C.J. Mahaney on Jude ("Contend," part two of two in Jude series) while I walked. Shortly before finishing the mile I realized that Mahaney's words directly pertained to me. One of his points was from v. 21 ("keep yourselves in the love of God..."). The sub-points that followed answered the question, how? From the text, he answers (1) build up yourselves in faith (e.g., preach the gospel to yourself every day), (2) pray in the Holy Spirit, and (3) wait for the Lord's mercy. Okay, so how am I doing with these? Epic fail.

Remorse began for all the sins I mentioned above, beginning with remorse for grumbling and complaining. While I showered, I asked the Lord to give me a right heart and a new song (literally, a new song to sing and worship in the shower) and forgiveness and recounted the gospel with thankfulness. I sang the hymn the Lord gave me. My heart was then turning toward the way I should go--submission to Christ. Now, before I go to sleep, the desire to please my Lord is in me and even affection.

Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures. (James 1:16-18)

I write all that as a foundation for this: This afternoon I shared this experience with a brother and sister in the Lord as we discussed man's desire for autonomy, the nature of sin, and the use of Scripture in resisting temptation and putting off sin/putting on Christ. We discussed the sin snowball effect. Then, tonight as I was preparing for bed, I listened to the back half of the sermon, and Jude and Mahaney confirmed what we were saying: "If I'm not praying, then it reveals for me, at least, the presence of pride and self-sufficiency," and again,

If you neglect this imperative, to keep yourselves in the love of God,... it will have a subtle but gradual and inevitable effect on your soul. Yes, it will. And eventually what is subtle will become obvious because if you neglect this passage [Jude 20-22] and the application of this passage, you neglect this passage to the detriment of your soul. And eventually you will reap. I know because I have neglected this passage at times and then experience the dullness in my soul, diminished affections for the Savior, diminished desire to read His Word. I know what it's like. I look in my soul and say, "You're not as affectionate and passionate as you once were."... If your heart is dull or hard, you arrive there by a daily neglect of this verse... You can keep yourself in the love of God by doing, by the grace of God, what you should have been doing all along--preaching the gospel to yourself, praying, and waiting... Gradually, over a period of time, you will know a restored affection for the Savior.

Thank you, Lord, for your Word and your Word preached and that you keep us (Jude 1, 21, 24).

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. (James 1:19-21)

The Fellowship of the Ring

Last night I watched The Fellowship of the Ring for the first time with Andy and Angela. Fantasy is not typically my cup of tea, but Ted Dekker's The Circle Trilogy set me on the path to developing an admiration for the art. It truly has got to be the most difficult genre in which to write. A simple fantastical plot can easily grow into a complex web of details, which I would imagine would create great potential for loose ends. The television show Lost helped me realize that brilliance is prerequisite. J.R.R. Tolkien may be the most brilliant of them all.

I think the key to good fantasy, in my limited exposure, is achieving balance between real elements and fantastical elements. What I mean is that it is possible to err on the side of too many real elements and create a similar world that is unbelievable. On the other hand, it is possible to give fantastical attributes to too many elements in the story (characters, natural laws, culture, etc.) and overwhelm the audience's senses or cause confusion. Tolkien seems to strike a good balance. He creates a world (Middle Earth) and successfully works out the webbed details to make his story "believable." Dimensions of human nature, Earth's properties, and moral laws remain intact while at the same time he creates a new language, cultures, creatures (e.g., the orks), and modes of power (e.g., the ring and the transfer of power). Any loose ends are few and minor.

The movie sucked me in from the beginning. I like the hobbits, Gandalf, the beautiful horses and scenery, the music, the storyline (duh), and, best of all, the similarities to the gospel, which I'll discuss in my next post. People have raved about The Lord of the Rings, but I never gave it much attention. I figured it was fantasy, dark (not true), and too popular to entice me. Well.... what can I say? A friend of mine introduced me to the soundtrack, and I decided I wanted to learn more about what hobbits were and what Tolkien's elves looked like. Then, when I moved to Andy and Angela's, I read a portion of their copy of The Hobbit, the prequel, if you will, to LOTR. I'm glad I gave in.

Behold the Lord's Majesty! I Am So Filled.

I just finished reading Exodus 18-19 and John 15:1-17 in the company of an evening dove, crickets, and dry flies. The day cooled down to a beautiful, breezy evening. I am much encouraged by the Lord's promise to the Israelites in 19:4-6.

You yourselves have seen what I did to the Egyptians, and how I bore you on eagles' wings and brought you to myself. Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; and you shall be to me a kingdom of priests and a holy nation....

The Lord is lovely and ever generous. In meditating on these verses, He brought to mind John 15, wherein Jesus says, "Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full" (vv. 9b-11). God knows that only in Him does true satisfaction lie. He is so good and wise in commanding us; He commands us for our good like a father, knowing what will make for godliness, as a father trains in the way his children should go. It is true that what He has in store for us is greater than whatever we could ask or think or imagine (Eph. 3:20). Even when Israel murmured against Moses (and against the Lord), the Lord was patient with them and provided for them. (I am thinking specifically of the events at Marah, where the Lord turned the bitter waters sweet for Israel to drink in Exodus 15, at the end of which the Lord made a statute and a rule.)

Seeing the Lord's wisdom, omnipotence, compassion, plan, love, and mercy in Exodus and in these chapters specifically has enriched the faith He has given me and helped me see Christ in the OT. Growing in knowing the Lord and trusting Him, standing on and resting in His promises, experiencing the truly awesome grasp of Christ's presence in all of redemptive history and the scriptural parallels to the NT... After the Lord descended in fire in a cloud with thunder and lightning and a trumpet's blast, the mountain of God trembled greatly (19:16-18), and my soul shook a little with it.

Wrap Up of SP-10

Wow, so I'm really slacking in the blogging department. Four years ago I was much more dedicated and blogged multiple times a week. Of course, I and the dynamics of my life have changed since then. Hmm....

Anyway, in January I wrote a post about the SP-10 semester. I said that I would only finish undergraduate work and finish it well by the grace of God. Well, I'm here to tell you now that I have finished and finished well, and indeed it was only by God's grace. Gratitude floods my soul. Overall, the semester was the busiest, hardest, and yet most joyful semesters at MBU. Now I am done and looking ahead.

Screwtape taught me much last month about looking ahead. I haven't always heeded his expertise, however. I've been reading The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis off and on amid other books. For those who are not familiar, Screwtape is a fictional demon who writes a series of advising letters in correspondence with his demon nephew, Wormwood. In one of the letters, Screwtape explains that out of the three (past, present, and future) the future holds the most promise for damaging the patient's (human's) progress [in becoming like Christ]. If Wormwood can get his patient to sit and think on the future and imagine schemes, the patient won't actually do anything. So true!

I read this last month, like I said, and what did I do? I obsessed over the uncertainties of my future. What did it profit me? Not a whole lot. Then, in one Sunday, all my obsessing came to a halt. Now all is well. Details aside, know that I am very thankful for the body of Christ! And thankful that I am a member of that precious Body.

Now looking back, I realize that I did not heed the warning the Lord gave me through Lewis. I had to learn it the hard way. Typical.

Take away from this that the Lord Jesus is always faithful, steady, like a rock, and infinitely wise. Praise Him with me.

Hands-On Learning?

I've been contemplating the concept of receiving training from the local church rather than or, more likely, in conjunction with academic training. I feel like I am learning much through theory but not enough through practice. So much is available to learn through engaging in the ministry of interest! Ministries of my interest right now include writing/exegesis, biblical counseling, and teaching. Pursuing one in seminary and growing in another in the church is what I have in mind. If I want to write commentaries, word studies, and/or Sunday School lessons as well as lead/teach in women's ministry, I could learn the writing and exegesis in the classroom and learn the leading/teaching (and possible interwoven informal counseling) within the church. I think the hands-on approach to education would prove good for me. I am unbalanced right now in my knowledge. I'd like to even out--well, at least achieve as much a balance as is possible.

I'm kind of just sending this out into the void. Reading over it, I realize that I've basically written a thought that may be of little use to you. I'd appreciate your feedback on the thought though.

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

I spent some quality time with Elvis tonight as I prepped for bed. Rinsing one's sinuses is much more fun when shaking the solution to the rhythm of "Jailhouse Rock." "It's now or never" to floss, and who can beat putting on the PJs in the dark to the bluesy "Are You Lonesome Tonight"? Back in my late nights, I'd sometimes dance to Elvis in my dorm room at three in the morning. (Pretty sure I blogged about it once...) Coming to STL and realizing that not everyone likes Elvis was an adjustment. I echo my sister's sentiments when she asked, "Who couldn't like Elvis?" If you find yourself shaking your head in disapproval, how about "a little less conversation" and just "reconsider, baby." You may become a fan and put away your "suspicious minds."

Silliness with titles aside, the song "Memories" just came on my iPod. I am now somber and almost moved to tears. This song pretty much rips my heart out these days. It takes me to the days of my childhood with my sister--times that only live in my memory and photographs. With her so far away, the memories are bittersweet--mostly sweet. I miss her very much, but I am blessed in getting to still talk to her. I hope that someday soon, we'll get to rock out to Elvis in her Z again. (I feel selfish saying that though because she's up to some great stuff these days that will affect many more people for the good than just me.)

Good night.

My Heart May Fail, but God is the Strength of My Heart

So I just received much edification from a friend's blog. I originally was going to post a note about my "downcast" day and health problems, but the Spirit led me to check out this blog before writing. I'm glad He did. I'm still going to write about my "downcast" day and health problems, but to a different end, for my attitude has changed. As I sit here sweating profusely (gross, I know), let me tell you what's been going on.

Oh, by the way, I watched an ADORABLE video of my baby relative, Ella Grace. Okay, moving back...

This semester is by far the busiest I've experienced. I was relaxed about it for a little while until my iCal provided me with a reality check, and my intensity resumed its well-worn status. Though it overwhelms me at times--okay, many times--the Lord has also infused this semester with inexpressible joy in Him. Through His Spirit, His Word comes alive to me and blows me away. I sit in awe of Him and probably come off as a crazy person because I'll get this huge Cheshire grin on my face and start laughing out loud. I may talk about it with others too, but all this expression doesn't do the joy justice. That's why I say it's inexpressible. Not only in digesting His Word but also in using His Word as a sword and His promises as a firm foundation does He fill me with His joy. Thirdly, I experience His joy through fellowship and teaching from my spiritual brothers and sisters. The bond of Christ--think about the bond of Christ--you can't replace it.

I say all that to give you a backdrop for my current struggles. It will also serve as the closing curtain. Alongside this joy has existed a "thorn." I have experienced poor health in some way since Christmas break. Back pain, sinusitis, digestion difficulties, disruptive mitral valve prolapse (MVP) symptoms, and, of course, ever-present retinitis pigmentosa (RP) make up this thorn. The past two weeks it's been my heart.

Quick biology lesson: The mitral valve controls blood flow from the left atrium at the top of the heart to the left ventricle at the bottom. It has two flaps (called leaflets) that open and close upon contraction. When the valve prolapses, it bulges and does not close correctly. Caffeine (or any stimulant), certain meds, lack of sleep, and stress causes the valve to malfunction even more. My cardiologist can hear the dysfunction when he listens to my pulse.

So, remember earlier when I said this semester is "by far the busiest"? Hello, MVP. Raspberry hot chocolate got it started, and I've been ticking something crazy ever since--well, until last Friday. Many people were/are praying for me, especially last Thursday. I went to bed Thursday night with my heart pounding. I awoke Friday feeling perfectly fine. The whole weekend was lovely. Praise the Lord!

Today I had some symptoms and wasn't feeling well. On top of that, I was very stressed. Not feeling good + very stressed / on-going circumstance = irritable Kristi. I am reminded now again that joy in God requires a fight. We must fight for joy, or we'll lose it. When you have joy in God, you realize it as precious. That, along with the fact that it glorifies God, motivates you to guard it. I feel like I am losing this joy and that my heart is wandering away, and it scares me.

[Aside: I was so pleased with the victory the Lord gave me in a recent spiritual battle, but in light of how I seem to be losing my current battle, I recall Luke 10:20, where Jesus says, "Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven." Everything I have received; nothing good is of myself, so I cannot boast in even my past victory but only in the cross of Christ.]

[I was going to explain that I felt lost as to how to prevent this joy from slipping, but before I knew it I turned to praying Scripture. Question answered.]

O Lord, You keep me. You preserve me for your lasting possession. "In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them" (Psalm 139:16)--even today. This day I was downcast in spirit (Ps. 42:5-6, 11) and intense to the point of trembling, but here I sit now in the assurance of Your love and mercy and sovereignty. Your provision, O Lord, is great. In Your infinite wisdom you give it.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit" (Psalm 51:12).

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And on earth there is nothing that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25-26).

In Jesus' name, amen.

Current Thoughts on Life

So it's week 5 of the semester (whoa!). I left you with an outlook that was sober and hopeful. By way of update, things are going pretty well. Overall, January was joyful, even with its own challenges--challenges that have carried into February. I press on by the strength and grace of Jesus Christ, however, and I am still hopeful that I will finish and finish well.

Today, I spoke to my sister via Skype. She is overseas, exactly across the world, in fact, and I miss her very much. I typically do not express it unless I am in a quiet and lonely place or I'm working on Hebrew translation exercises. She's my best friend, and it is difficult to live in a different culture from her. I am thankful for our communication though. Plus, it has increased my awareness and appreciation for our freedom of speech and religion in the U.S.

My thoughts have been turning homeward lately. I feel like if I don't recover my past through meditation that I will lose it, as if my childhood is an anchor for something. I know I am sounding abstract, and I should not even have time to think about such things, but the uncertainty of my future reverts me to my past--like I'm trying to catch my footing. I should probably consider the circumstances in biblical terms. Though I may plan my way, the Lord directs my steps.

I am currently in a commotion of people and coffee. Time to relocate to my academic refuge, the reference room.

Looking at SP-10

The holidays are over for now. The rip-roar has calmed down, and people are realizing that daily routine has reared its head once again. For me, the daily routine is a new school semester. Stress is mounting as I read over more and more syllabi. My aim, of course, is to be a better steward of my time and tasks at hand. This is my aim every semester, but I pray now that God will give me the grace and discipline to finish all and finish well.

I think my spiritual growth stalled at least some during my sophomore and junior years here at MBU. I plan to post in segments a paper I recently wrote that details this stall. It is my expectation that in light of going through the season I did and writing about it, I will serve the Lord this semester with a healthier heart and more consciously.

I do not have hope in myself. But I do have hope in God.

A Study (Feast [For Your Soul]) of 2 Thessalonians 3

I read 2 Thessalonians 3 today. Then the Lord directed me to write about it, which turned my reading into a study. I used the ESV Study Bible for background work and did my reading in the NASB.


To best understand this chapter, let me lay down a contextual foundation, beginning with historical considerations and proceeding to literary analysis and a brief look at the preceding two chapters.


History (The Salad [Primes the Appetite])
Thessalonica was the capital city of Macedonia. It was the center of commerce, having a harbor and trade routes. About 100,000 people resided there--a significant population for N.T. times--and the majority of them belonged to the Greco-Roman pantheon and cults. Paul, Timothy, and Silas (Silvanus) visited Thessalonica around A.D. 49-51 during Paul's second missionary journey. They preached there for about three weeks before having to leave because of a mass riot (see Acts 17). Paul sent Timothy back to Thessalonica after some months to evaluate how the young church was doing. Timothy met up with Paul in Corinth and reported both good and bad news. Though enduring persecution, they were continuing in the faith. Ignorance, however, caused worry among the Thessalonians on behalf of those in the church who died; they were unsure whether these martyrs would have part in the Lord's second coming. The Thessalonian church also had some members who were lazy and continually relied upon other members instead of working themselves. Paul wrote 1 and 2 Thessalonians (3:17-18) because of Timothy's report. The second followed the first in short succession probably because it was a reaction to new developments since Paul sent the first letter.


Literary Analysis (The Drink [Cleanses the Palate])
This letter to the Thessalonians includes the normal elements of a first century letter, like most N.T. epistles and letters. Atypical of Paul, the elements are not embellished but concise. The elements are as follows: opening greeting (author, audience, and words of benevolence; almost identical to that of 1 Thessalonians), thanksgiving, body, conclusion/benediction.


Summary of Chs. 1-2 (The Complimentary Roll [To be Eaten with the Main Course])
After Paul's greeting, he explains why he thanks God for them and lifts them up to the other churches, namely for their ever-increasing faith and love in regard to the former and for their perseverance and faith amid persecution in regard to the latter. He then explains how God will justly vindicate those who are remaining steadfast in persecution and punish those who are persecuting. At the close of the chapter, Paul informs the Thessalonians that he, Timothy, and Silas are praying for them. They are praying that God will count them worthy of their calling and make them complete so that they will glorify Jesus Christ and be glorified in Him by God's grace.


In Chapter 2, Paul addresses their worry about the day of the Lord. He reminds them of the truth he spoke to them while he was with them and informs them of what the Antichrist will be like. The overarching point Paul addresses is the timing of Christ's second coming. The Thessalonians were told that the day of the Lord had already come (v. 2). The chapter ends with Paul repeating his thanksgiving and encouraging them to stand firm. He then prays that God would comfort them.


Second Thessalonians 3 (The Meat of This Post [Use All Five Senses])
I see great care from Paul to the Thessalonian Christians. He requests prayer from them in the opening of the chapter, which tells me that he believed in their faith. He affirms this in v. 4 in saying that he and the other missionaries "have confidence in the Lord concerning you, that you are doing and will continue to do what we command."

He expresses love to them also in the next paragraph. He follows up vv. 4-5 with a command in v. 6: to stay away from a Christian who lives an unruly life. He equates "leads an unruly life" (ataktos peripatountos) with "act in an undisciplined manner" (hetaktesamen) in v. 7. We see "undisciplined" again in v. 11: "For we hear that some among you are leading an undisciplined life, doing no work at all, but acting like busybodies." Basically Paul is saying, "Follow our example of working hard and earning our food. Don't associate with your Christian brothers and sisters who are mooching off the wealthier in the church. And you who are the wealthy these lazy Christians are mooching off of, don't grow weary in doing good." Paul commands and encourages the lazy to work quietly and eat the food they earn.


For those who do not listen to Paul, Silas, and Timothy's instructions, Paul orders the Thessalonians in vv. 14-15 not to associate with them. He says to admonish the disobedient as brothers (those of whom he writes are Christians) and not regard them as enemies. The distinction Paul draws between brothers and enemies leads me to think that this disassociation is temporary. By not associating with them, Paul says they will "be put to shame." Shame humbles us and motivates us to clean up our act. Perhaps Paul was behaving like the father in the faith that he was and willing that some people experience pain (the shame of disfellowship), knowing the outcome was well worth it--obedience.


Paul closes the chapter and, thus, the letter by requesting on their behalf peace from God in all circumstances. This had to be comforting for the Thessalonians given the persecution they were enduring. Paul then claims authorship by signing off the letter himself and wishing that the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with them.


Personal Implications (The Potatoes [Always Save Your Starch for Last])
So what does this chapter mean for us? I think we need to examine ourselves to determine to which clan we belong. Are we the lazy or the hard-working? Do we follow the example Paul, Silas, and Timothy set, or do we give in to our comforts, always examining how we feel and what feels good to us? Are we disobedient or obedient? Do we earn our living or mooch off others? Are we busybodies? And if we are the obedient hard-workers, do we grow weary in doing good? Or do we give cheerfully and generously, even after giving over and over again seemingly without appreciation, reward, or result?


I'm writing to myself just as much as to anyone else. I am lazy, and I do grow weary in doing good. I am not always lazy in earning my keep, but I am lazy in other ways. I am not always weary in giving to those in need, but I am sometimes, and I do grow weary in speaking the gospel and showing love to others over and over, who seem to not receive it in faith or appreciate it. I think if Paul looked in on my status, he'd write a letter of disappointment and admonition to me. That admonition would be an impetus for hope. I should "work in quiet fashion" (v. 12)--v. 11 convicts me. I should follow the good example set for me and work diligently, glorifying the Lord through obedience. Am I to do this by bucking up? I am not without the power of Christ (2 Thess. 1:11-12)! It is by the Spirit that we mortify our flesh (Romans 8:13). God is making it more and more plain to me that I cannot be passive in my sanctification. Praise to God that He is with us!


"May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ" (2 Thess. 3:5).

Taking a Break to Blog on Break

I am a week into Christmas Break. I survived finals week and, with the grace of my Greek professor, the semester. Let me tell you as an aside, my Greek prof and advisor is a special person. He is simply someone you've got to get to know. Anyway, I have plenty of Greek homework to keep me busy over break, but am I doing it?

Nope.

The procrastination habit continues. It is not so much that I am being whole-heartedly lazy as it is wanting to spend time with family, especially my sister. So maybe I am improving. Saturday and Sunday were shopping days. Today, Rachel and I both had dentist appointments. Tomorrow, my mom and I have chiropractor appointments, and Wednesday, Rachel and I are heading to see our cousin at her salon for some much-needed hair trims. Thursday: Christmas Eve... Friday: Christmas... Saturday: Shawn, Megan, and baby Ella might visit!... I've got some time in there when I can do homework, Lord willing.

Maybe "Christmas Break" should be renamed....

Curse You, Procrastination!

Hmm... so since the last time I posted I have made zero progress on my Missions and Mercy assignment. Yeah, I know, it's due Wednesday. I just can't seem to get the laziness out of my system. I think I need a good kick in the seat of the pants. Instead of researching and writing, I've been looking at people's blogs, searching for free textual criticism tools, talking on the phone, and eating chips while my stomach hurts. What is happening to me?? I used to not be like this. I used to be Miss On-Task.

Kasia just came in. Yessss!!!! She helps me bear down on my work. Here it goes...